Send our Son to school age 4 or 5..?

[StevenB1]

Hey everyone,

Hope you are all doing well.

So...,our son is due to start reception this year in September and has been offered a place near by,but we are considering asking the school if he can keep a place but start when hes 5 instead. I know theres been a lot of debates on this..

He was a prem baby but has shot up fast, hes 4 now obviously and goes to a nursery 3 day a week, hes come on a lot since he started, he has started stuttering a bit and struggling to get some words out..this was a problem previously for a month or so..he got over it and now its back. He isnt very shy anymore and has a decent interaction level with kids his age...

He does struggle to write his name etc or do any writing in general...he shows no interest and its an absolute struggle to try and get him to even attempt it,same with doing numbers etc.., he can count verbally but doesnt recognise numbers in picture form etc..

We dont want to really disrupt the learning he is getting at the nursery at the moment and we arent 100% certain he would fit into the routine of reception yet..so we are just looking for advice from people that have done it or any reasons as to why not etc.

Thank you very much

I know it’s up to the Head.

But if a Head says no they have to state a reason and prove why they think it’s in the child’s best interests to miss the whole reception year and go straight into Year 1.

Considering how important the Reception year is to being the foundation of starting formal education, I’m not sure how any teacher could justify it’s in the child’s best interests to miss it.

Done this and zero regrets - go with your gut. We start school so early compared to other countries and an extra year at nursery can be so beneficial for many reasons (ratio, emotional support, play, naps etc).

They may not hold the space and you may need to reapply (unsure) but as long as the HT is on board, the council is usually fine too. We even moved schools (and LAs) with no problem (again, finding a supportive school) and now on route to secondary there’s no issues with transition whatsoever (nobody tried to get him to skip a year, which is something we’ve been threatened with initially when I enquired about starting school at 5).

Year 6 now, always been greater depth groups for all learning, happy to go in and always has been, doing well socially and intellectually, no issues with taking part in sports (that’s sometimes flagged up as potential problem due to age, not been the case at all), no extra support needed from the already overstretched teachers - in fact been told numerous times by his teachers that we’ve done the right thing as they just don’t have the capacity to support all the younger kids who are struggling due to age and as a result the whole class ‘suffers’.

I’m positive that if I sent him at 4 things would be different. Yes, he’d get there eventually - but at what cost (and to whom).

The headteacher of my son’s school has a summer born and she deferred her own child which is why I think she was accommodating of me doing the same with my son.

My husband is a teacher (teaches Year 3 through to Year 11) and he said that with some summer borns there’s a very clear difference in them (personality wise in terms of their emotions and social skills) compared to the elder ones in the year. That’s another reason why me and DH were quite set on delaying our son’s start.

^ and yes, Reception is important so when I say send him aged 5 I mean send to Reception. They may tell you it’s not possible but it absolutely is.

Do what you think is best for him but don't let his disinterest in writing be the deciding factor, that's normal for many children before they start school. Certainly was for my two children.

I think the considerations are school sports teams in secondary, if this is a route he goes down he may be in a different team to classmates and whether he'll be happy to be 18 months older than some of his peers once he gets older, will he feel 'held back?'

We decided not to defer our 31st August born and it was the right decision for her in our opinion but you need to do what's best for your son and your family.

Thanks for all the replies everyone, much appreciated.

Gives us something to think about and talk over. As I said we've got a good week to discuss it and see what we think is best.

Partner is going to talk to the nursery when she next takes him and see if they would be happy to have him for another year etc if this is the case, but we will also discuss doing part time reception and see how he comes on if we go down that road.

No, they don't.
Some heads can and do just say they don't defer children out of cohort unless exceptional circunstances, even for August babies, even if it isn't considered best practice now.
If anything, it would be up to the parents to justify missing reception, even to themselves. Some heads might ask them to really consider whether or not the parents want them to skip reception. A reception place has been offered.
And besides, this child is doing well socially, nothing they've said suggests they aren't ready for reception. I know a July baby who was refused a reception start with deferring because they were doing well socially at nursery. The head needs a reason why a reception start would benefit over joining the correct year group for their age. And for an Aprik born child, it can't be justified

@coactive for sports it can be an 'issue' if a child qualifies for county school sports for example if they qualify to represent the county schools English schools athletics it goes by age so they will have harder qualifying times than people in their school year. It'll be the same in other sports too.

Of course this won't be an issue/ consideration for many but that's what the sports thing is.

Honestly as someone who used to teach F2 please don't do the part time route it's the worst of both worlds.

Either defer him and start next September in reception or start him this year but full time.

Well if the Headteacher doesn’t think their reception curriculum is anything important to the point that a child won’t benefit from it, or be at a detriment by not having gone through it, then it’s not the kind of school I would want my child going to anyway.

There is so much research out there about the importance of the Reception year that it is proof enough as to why a child should not be excluded from it.

Except they're not being excluded, not by the school anyway.
It isn't helpful to offer advice that just won't be an option. Realistically, this child will just not be able to start reception next September. No more than they could start Year 2. Or that an advanced 3 year old can join reception a year early.

DD is a spring baby. I asked the.school to accommodate her being part time until Easter (when she turned 5) which they did.
She's a teen now and I would say - her cohort are currently doing their GCSE'S - that some of the summer born kids (by no means all) are struggling slightly and there is a little bit of a maturity gap still between some of them..
I guess you just have to do what you think is best for your child.

I'm in Scotland and all for deferring dc til 5 for no other reason except that you can. I work in a primary 1 class and there are only positives from being one of the oldest as opposed to the youngest however I'd be more hesitant in the case where the dc will miss the first year of primary altogether instead of just stating a year later in to reception/primary 1. That play based hear is valuable. I'd look into some of the sources pp's have suggested to ensure you dc won't have to start straight in to y1 or for it to affect him on the move to high school etc. I know some local authorities as now allowing this more easily but others are still a battle so do all your research and be prepared to be assertive

Oh so interesting to hear others experiences.
My son doesn’t turn 4 until the end of august, when school starts in September it would have been his birthday the week before. I am incredibly torn over what’s best for him. He is very confident (has older siblings!) and can dress & undress himself, take himself to the loo, read numbers and can recognise and tell you how to spell his name, but can’t write the letters. I see him come bounding out of nursery and he sounds and looks like the oldest now (he is a big guy and after half term they had a few children who just turned three start) but I worry about his emotional development. He can still get tired, and sometimes this results in tears around 3pm. He likes cuddles and his nursery teacher says how affectionate he is. I worry those hugs from staff won’t continue when they are in reception and everything is a bit more ‘formal’

Deferred places are available to children born between April and August.

Assuming you're in England, if you want him to start in reception a year late, they can't / won't hold his place. You would have to reapply in next year's round of admissions.
They can however hold his place for him to start in year 1, joining this year's reception intake when he reaches compulsory school age (so he'd miss reception).

Parents are legally allowed to wait until their child is 5 before they put them into formal education.

Parents who do this are not trying to bend any rules….they are doing something that they are well within their rights to do.

So if the school is saying the child has to miss Reception as a result of the parents doing something they are entitled to do, then yes, it is the school who is choosing to exclude the child.

@MyTruthIsOut parents can REQUEST it. The school is legally allowed to refuse if they don't think its best interests of child. People are just saying since this particular child was born in April, it may not be in their best interests, and the school may agree.

I know….and like I said earlier, I can’t imagine any argument where a school can say that the child missing out on the reception year is in the child’s best interests.

I’m very happy to be proven wrong by any research that states that reception isn’t really of any benefit, or important, in education and therefore a child doesn’t suffer by not partaking in that school year.

I guess it's balancing the missing out on reception with the issues that could come with secondary school, which in all honesty I have no experience of. But I can imagine once hormones kick in being much older than some of the students could be an issue.

At our school he would have had to go into Year 1 if you did that and miss out on the whole of reception where there is much more play and child led learning. I don't know if you are aware, but reception has quite a lot of time for free learning, where they can go off and choose from the activities. It's different from how it used to be.

It sounds like your son is largely ready, apart from the length of the day. Mine started at 4 + 2 weeks (and prem), and that worked fine for her, but she didn't quite cope with the full week. Her school were very happy for her to have an afternoon off when she was getting tired - she missed one afternoon most weeks. It's worth talking to the school about their policy on that sort of thing (assuming you are able to collect early if needed). [If he does start this year, tips to avert end-of-day meltdowns are a snack in the playground before going home, then relax as soon as you get home - TV/story.]

I wouldn't worry about not being able to write letters. Mine couldn't hold a pencil properly (but was otherwise academically very ready) - she soon learned.

We had a similar dilemma with our dd who is a late august birthday and severely autistic I really wasn’t sure what to do. We’ve decided to send her to mainstream just after her fourth birthday and not defer as she seems to really need the structure and routine of a setting and we’ve seen with our other also ASD dc how much it helped. It’s different for everyone though so it’s really good that it’s an option to defer for those who need it

Many teens do a 'year 14' before university, an additional A level or other qualification. Some need to repeat a year due to circumstances in the GCSE or A level years.

You need to speak to the admissions authority if you want to send him at reception at 5, which you seem to know. Who the admissions authority is depends on the type of school e.g. academy or local authority school etc. The school can't really advise you as to what you should do for your child as they don't know him anyway. They may not even be able to advise you about the process tbh - you'd hope they would, but plenty of schools have no clue about the law or process for this unfortunately. Honestly, join that Facebook group mentioned upthread, it's a mine of info.