private / state school dilema What would you do??

[mummyloveslucy]

Hi, My daughter is in a nursery linked to a private school which goes from age 2-18. It is a fantastic school and if i could, I'd keep her there all the way through but I can't. Our primary schools are not bad but our secondery's are pretty bad.
Would it be best to keep her at the private school for the primary and hope she passes her 11+ and goes to the grammer school, or put her in to a state primary and save up for her to go to the private school for her secondary?. I don't want her to feel under pressure or pushed to pass her 11+ because I don't want her to struggle if it's not the right school for her. If she stayed at the private school for her primary, she would be with her friends but if she then faild her 11+ and went to a state secondery, she wouldn't know what hit her. What would you do?

If you genuinely can't afford junior fees, then you can take her out and put her back in for senior.

I would probably give the state primary school a go. If it works out you will save a lot of money and worry. If it doesn't you could move your daughter back to the private system whereas it is hard to move into a good state school later than reception as the class will probably be full. I have sent both my children to private school nurseries and found them to be worth every penny. However the first is now at a state primary and is happy there. It was a wrench leaving the private sector at 5 but I think it would be much harder to leave it at 11 and it would be harder for your daughter to make friends moving from private to state later on. However, if you think she has a very good chance of getting into the grammar school maybe you could keep her at the private school for now and hope she passes the 11+. Good luck with your decision making....we agonised till the last minute but have not regretted our decision.

Hmm not sure about this one. Lots of private schools I know train and tutor children to pass the 11+. In the junior dept of the independant dd goes to, 100% of children who take the exam pass the 11+ and move on to grammar school.

Having said that it's quite a way off and a bit of a risk to take.

If the primary is good I would be inclined to wait until she gets to year 7 and put her back into the independent. You could also pay for 11+ tuition whilst at the primary if you thought she was good enough and then she might get to grammar anyway and save you even more!

Some independent schools I am told, will towards last few years of primary give advice on bursaries, scholarships, etc but am told that you need to make school aware it will be needed. If your independent primary feeds into one or more independent secondary schools ask teachers and other parents what is available or might be. We are in a similar situation, only really considering private cos his state primaries are oversubscribed and then thinking - what if we do it and he loves it and then we can't get him into a similar school for secondary education?

Thanks everyone, some really good points to consider. The private secondery is bound to cost more than the private primary but I'd have chance to save for it. It's so hard making the right decisions. The bursary sounds brilliant, but it's wether I'd get one and how much they would knock off.
Her little friends mum is in the same position as me and is concidering her local primary, which is very good. I'd love her to go there with her friend if she goes but we are not in the catchment. It's tricky, I wish I had a crystal ball sometimes. Our primaries have big classes too, 30-34. My daughter dosn't tend to do well in big groups, she goes in to herself. When she's in a smaller class she thrives. But then she's only 3.

Private primary, any day.

Get the basics really good and she'll cope in any secondary school.

Anna8888- Do you really think so? I thought it would be a huge shock comming out of private primary into state secondery.

I suppose those first 11 years of a childs life really forms who they will become, if she has strong self esteem and values she'd be less likely to get in with a bad croud and hopfully have enthustiasm to do her best. Is that how you see it ?

I went to two small (100 pupils), private, all girls primaries - one from age 3 - 6, then we moved house so changed to another school where I stayed from 7 - 11. I passed my eleven plus and went to grammar school for 5 terms and then we moved abroad and I changed systems entirely and had it not been for the excellent academic grounding I had had at primary school I would have found that very difficult.

And when I did my GMAT aged 29 I found I had covered nearly all the maths at my excellent primary school.

I would do the same with my own child.

MLL, there's no single good answer to this.

It depends one what the primary/secondary option are local to you, and on your dd's personality/ability level.

In general I would say, if you have a bright dd who is likely to be academic AND you have good state grammar schools nearby, then it would make sense to use private primary in the hope of having her taught to a level where she'll get into grammar school.

Conversely, if you think your dd is likely to be a struggler, and you have reasonably good primary schools nearby, then it would make sense to go state at primary and put her into private at secondary (assuming the private schools weren't hugely competitive).

You can only make this decision knowing how good/bad the various state private options are at each level and how feasible the switch is.

Yes, and the fact that being very certain that you have fully mastered the basic skills in itself gives you self-confidence and the ability to cope with lots of different situations. I think that my small, private and quite academic primary school gave me a good grounding in analytical/thinking skills in a way that I don't think a more mixed ability and socially mixed primary would have.

Thanks for that, this school is all girls as well.
Maybe if I didn't get a bursery from this school for the seniors, then maybe another private school would. the school she's at has such an amazing reputation compared to most other private schools that they might be willing to take her on a bursery. You don't know if you don't try.

It does rather depend on the quality of the private school over the state alternative. Private does not always mean better, in my opinion.

I went to a truly awful state comprehensive which should be closed but luckily, went to a wonderful state primary.

My son will be going to the local state, supplemented by lots of parental involvement. He will most certainly be going private at 11+ and we are planning financially for this now.

At the moment she has delayed speech, wich she is having speech therapy for. I suppose it's hard at this age to tell, but I know she'd do better in small classes and get the attention she needs. I went to a state primary with a good rep and didn't get the help I needed. At 8 years old my mum was horrified to find that I didn't know the letters of the alphabet. I was later diagnosed with dyslecsia, I went to a state secondery and stayed in the bottom sets with people who just wanted to mess around and cause trouble. I had a terrible time with bullies as I was quite well spocken, it was awfull.
I later went to college and managed to get 3 A levels (god knows how!) My teachers were great! I just think that if I got the help in primary school, I wouldn't have had to go through all of that.

mummyloveslucy, is the private primary a prep that ends at 11? Or does it feed into a private secondary?

If the former, ask for a list of which secondaries the students leave for and check that a large proportion includes the grammars.

If the latter, they might be more relaxed about preparing the children for the grammars because they have their secondary to feed.

In both cases, ASK the school whether they specifically prepare the students for the 11+s. And ask the parents of older girls whether they separately pay for tutors for the 11+. You might find that you will still have to shell out for tutors anyway, despite paying school fees.

But in either case, the good grounding over the primary years will not be wasted.

Although it does go in to a secondery school, they do prepare them for 11+ I've heard the pass rate is fantastic. But saying that, how bad would she feel if she was one of the few that failed.

mummyloveslucy, sorry to ask a personal question, but haven't you another thread naming a baby who is yet to be born? If you know you will struggle to pay for one child at private school, what would you do for your as yet not yet born but wanted 2nd child? This also needs to be factored in.

Perhaps you need to relax a bit and not worry about it. I'm sure your daughter will be fine where ever she goes.

llareggub- I'm not pregnant, we were thinking about trying but are not sure at the moment. We were thinking about names as it's been a topic of conversation in our house as my sister is expecting.

We might even wait untill she's 11 to have another baby, it'd be like having 2 only's.

i have tons of respect for you Anna, you are top - but I'm not sure I agree with what you say on this. I'm not sure English Grammar school followed by moving to school in another country means that you can say a child who had been educated at private primary would do fine at ANY secondary - clearly you have never been to my old inner-city comprehensive

We would have - well, we DID - eat these private school types for breakfast, and we still had room for chips and beer on the streets at lunchtime

oh and mll, meant to say that (in view of my own experience) I would state educate for primary if that meant you could privately educate in secondary.

I was at private prep school for primary and a state secondary but it was a good London state secondary. It worked out v well; got better GCSEs and ALevels than my private ed brother & went to a more prestigious uni.

MLLucy, I might be tempted to go private primary depending on a number of factors:
1)Class size for dd with speech delay
2)Grammar school area
3)Where do those who narrowly miss grammar go? i.e. do any of the other state secondaries operate a grammar stream?
4)The likelihood of moving in the next 7 years?
5)Unless feeders are sink estates, could the character/rep of the state secondary change in 7 yrs time?

If you are going to save for private secondary, how selective are they? Where does the bulk of their intake come from? Will you be able to afford to do this for any subsequent children?

My dh went to a private primary then a state secondary. At age 11 he found the culture shock too much and sank like a stone (his words). Few O levels and no A levels, he later went on to have a good business career but is very bitter about his education.

my mum (teacher for 40 years) always maintained that unless the primary in question was an absolute sink school, pretty much any child would do well at state primary, partly because parental involvement is so important at that age

however, peer pressure gets much more important at secondary level so you need somewhere where being clever is cool and where children on the whole want to learn

her advice was if you couldn't afford both, prioritise private secondary over primary