private / state school dilema What would you do??

[mummyloveslucy]

Hi, My daughter is in a nursery linked to a private school which goes from age 2-18. It is a fantastic school and if i could, I'd keep her there all the way through but I can't. Our primary schools are not bad but our secondery's are pretty bad.
Would it be best to keep her at the private school for the primary and hope she passes her 11+ and goes to the grammer school, or put her in to a state primary and save up for her to go to the private school for her secondary?. I don't want her to feel under pressure or pushed to pass her 11+ because I don't want her to struggle if it's not the right school for her. If she stayed at the private school for her primary, she would be with her friends but if she then faild her 11+ and went to a state secondery, she wouldn't know what hit her. What would you do?

My brother and sisters and I and also my dh all went to good state primaries and then on to private secondary schools (well my eldest sister went on to a grammer school). I think that is a much better idea than going to a private primary and then a state secondary. Private primaries can be very safe environments, but they can also be very precious, and if that rubs off then moving back into the state sector will be a very big culture shock. Also it is highly likely that no one else will be doing it, so your dd runs the risk of losing all her friends. Of course the same could be true the other way around. I'm not sure that staying in the same school for all your education is a very good idea anyway. The girls in my private secondary school who had been there since they were toddlers were heartily sick of it, and many of them left at sixth form for colleges (many to study hairdressing and similarly non-academic things, which probably is not what their parents had in mind!) for that very reason.

I would go and look at the schools you are thinking about next year, and see where you think your dd would be happy and then make your decision on that basis. Better to have the option of moving from state to private than have to pull her out for financial reasons.

If you were prepared to divulge your county or general area then you would probably get advice fit for your area.

But a couple of general points:-

a) if the current school goes through to 18 then are you absolutely certain they are preparing the girls for the 11+ exam? Do you know how many sit it, how many pass, and how many then take up those places. If you are already at the school then they should disclose this to you, but I would have expected that your current school would have a vested interest in holding on to its best pupils and therefore not promoting 11+ preparation to the same extent as a school which finished at 11.

b) there are schools which suit the bright and above average, and there are schools which suit those who are average and below. If your dd is in the former group then private prep followed by grammar would be a good choice. If she is in the latter however then your money may be best spent at secondary level where there are a number of private schools who do manage to do very well with a wide range of abilities. It is always incredibly difficult to be totally objective about our children, and I know of very few mothers at nursery and reception age who do not view their children to be very bright. This is totally understandable given that they are all on such a huge learning curve at this age. Nevertheless at some point you may have to be fairly objective about what Lucy's needs are later on to determine which is the best route for her. As I commented on a sister thread to this, possibly your own and dh's perfromance at school may give you some insight as to what might suit Lucy best. Competitiveness for grammar schools varies hugely by area, so if you were aiming at a grammar school place you ought to be realistic about her chances. As an example I live within a grammar school catchment in Greater London and tbh I don't think that being at a prep school would be enough to get a child into the grammar school. The child would have to be fairly bright in the first place to be able to compete.

Mummylucy. You may find your daughter becomes a lot more confident between 3 and 5 as her speech develops and she makes friends at nursery...my son was very insecure when he started nursery but the private school nursery was so good that he became much more confident, and was able to move happily at 4 1/2 to a large primary school where he was with completely different children. I have missed certain things about the private school and sometimes worry about the class size in state schools but my son has always been happy so children do adapt more easily than expected. If in the worst case your daughter was not happy in a state primary you would hopefully be able to move her back to the private sector. On the other hand if she did well in the state primary you would be able to look forward to having private and grammar school options at 11.
If you are staying in the private sector check what the school can offer if anything in terms of speech therapy..you may have to pay for this on top of the school fees. Good luck whichever option you decide.

I'd agree with mimsmum rather than Anna. I went to a fairly average state primary and one of the best private secondary schools in the country. The really good secondaries are looking for potential not attainment, IME.

There are some numbers that you might want to try that I got from ISC's information service. www.isc.co.uk

They gave me two numbers for help with fees:

Educational Grants Advice - 05601 503 524
Charities Commission - 0845 3000 218
and www.educational-grants.org

I dont know if that's helpful, you might want to email ISC? [email protected]

They were a gr8 help so hopefully they might have some information for u 2.