Winchester college or Sherborne

[Wintergardener]

Good afternoon,
I am new to mumsnet and hope you can advise. My DS has a conditional offer for Winchester College and also an offer for Sherborne.

We were a little surprised that he received the offer for Winchester as I was unsure if he would meet the academic level but they obviously thought otherwise.The question I need to ask is how will a boy do at Winchester if he is average academically? Is Sherborne a better option?. I know some very bright boys go to Sherborne but the seem to have a wider intake.

We have a third option, DS could attend as a day student. Is this the best option? Leaving everything to the school does worry me.

Thank you @Blastosis we also know of boys at our prep who have decided against Winchester. We have definitely ruled it out now, there seems to be so much negativity around it. My DS will need good pastoral care and I worry about that at Winchester. It doesn't feel right for our family, I agree the trust issue is unsettling. Something doesn't feel right for us.

I am pleased that your DS is enjoying Sherborne, it must have been quite stressful changing last minute. It was clearly the right choice for your family.

I’d like to believe that you would not have made such a derogatory and offensive remark if you had met my lovely DS, @Rockhall. It’s easy but cheap to do so directed anonymously at someone you don’t know. The OP asked for insights about two schools and I offered mine about why we made a choice- which certainly wasn’t the expected course of action, but wasn’t an isolated one either. There was no need to be personally insulting.

No need to be defensive, I was talking about a mismatch between your representation and consequential decision. I don’t doubt thar your DS is lovely, but you made the representation that he is “highly academic” which is not what Sherborne caters for

Alan Turing

I cannot believe that you just quoted someone who went there in the 1920s🙂 Sherborne is definitely for you then, if you make your deductions that way. Good for a CV for sure, but it is also superficial.

What I had in mind is that a highly academic child will always be happiest with their own kind, and if you put them into a less than challenging environment then you’re likely doing them a disservice

https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/evolution-the-self/202111/13-reasons-why-high-iq-can-make-you-less-happy

Hi @Rockhall that was me not the Sherborne parent. Sorry for any confusion. I have no link with any of the schools and mentioned Alan Turing only as a famous Sherborne alumni to steer up some controversy 😋because I have too much time on my hands

Ah. Sorry!!! 🤓

There’s no mismatch. Sherborne has a broad entry. That includes some highly academic boys and others who are less so. Just because a boy can go to Winchester it doesn’t necessarily follow that he should, and a parent can legitimately make a choice not to do so and still be in their right mind. I don’t need to prove my DS’ credentials and there is no call for you to pooh-pooh them. And being highly academic is not incompatible with being lovely.

Sure, I get it if a highly academic (high IQ) boy chooses another academic school like Tonbridge or Harrow or Sevenoaks. In my view however it is a risky enterprise to send a highly academic boy to a boarding school with a broad intake. Too many distractions at that age, and high flyers can struggle to match the wavelength of a mediocre social circle and may take them longer to find their own. You can get lucky though!

Actually the stress lifted as soon as we made the decision. Having turned down Eton because Winchester was our first choice, we began to have serious doubts about Winchester when we attended a New Men’s day. The Headmaster’s opening line to the collected parents was “All give yourselves a round of applause for being here!” and the overwhelming feel was self-congratulatory and arrogant. Our DS was preparing for Election and we were alarmed by the casual assumption by staff that boys in College would be insular and intellectually competitive, and could too easily imagine our DS endlessly burning the midnight oil to excel without the appearance of effort. Their handling of the decision to introduce girls and day pupils was almost a relief because it was something concrete to make the decision easier- bearing in mind that giving up Winchester places in favour of Sherborne was not an obvious choice. I think it’s important not to be dazzled by a great name. Of course Winchester is a world-class school and of course it is more selective and academically demanding than broad entry schools like Sherborne. But it won’t be the right school at every time for every child, however talented.
I’m not trying to do hard-sell on Sherborne either, by the way. If your DS is likely to need lots of pastoral support might he be happier as a day or weekly boarder? I would rate the pastoral care pretty highly at Sherborne, but there is also an expectation that boys maintain their energy and effort to self-start through long and busy weeks. This somehow seems harder if they are also conscious of being far from home (as I guess from Tonbridge being your day option).

Thank you @Blastosis , I have found your posts very helpful. Many very bright boys have left our prep over the last few years and gone on to Sherborne so I have no concerns on that front. Also I have received messages from Winchester mum's who have tutored their DS's all through Winchester, particularly at A level.The pastoral care is also a concern. We have a little time yet but have ruled out Winchester, from what I read on here we would be a good match.

• would not be a good match.

@blastosis I was not impressed at all by the Winchester head when we visited. He said some very odd/off colour things indeed in his speech to the prospective parents - so much so that I wondered if he has started to lose his marbles.

On the other hand when we visited Sherborne the head was nowhere to be seen - they kept promising he would show up and he never did. Our pupil tour guide said that in four years, he’d never once spoken to the head, and rarely saw him. Which I also thought odd.

This is so helpful. I’m an OW but I think we are heading for Sh for our boys

That is strange. As a Sherborne parent we saw the head at pretty much every open day and parents event through the 5 years including tiny music recitals. We had direct conversations with him at a good number of those too. Maybe there was a crisis going on during your visit.

My DS is at Winchester and I wouldn't recommend the school, we will be moving on after GCSES. The lack of pastoral care is a particular worry for us. I have no idea what on earth we are paying the fees for.

The housemaster did make a little effort in the first term but that was it. A few parents and their sons get particular attention across the school but that is not the experience for most.

They can act as they wish therefore it's not a healthy environment for DS.

We now wish that we had withdrawn DS after GCSES (or in an ideally not sent him to Winchester in the first place). We did consider it but we're talked around with promises for 6th form. None of which materialised, there is literally no pastoral care. Tutoring is wide spread and support with university nonexistent for the the majority.

They focus on a small number of boys and their parents ,it's embarrassing to be honest. It does give someone of them a false sense of security as I believe a number missed their offers this year.

DS is looking forward to next year and knows there are better days ahead.

does anyone have a good experience of WinColl?

How was your experience @EdwardV ?

It was in 1980s. Privilege to go. Third generation but no pastoral care even by the very low standards of those days. One thing it did give us: powerful analytic root and independent thinking. I can tell a wykehamist anywhere because of their DIV system which is an unexamined subject intended to stretch students into more rounded people. I think the school seemed lost at the moment. All the big beasts have left the teachers common room. Sad to see

Gosh @stickystick we've had a very different experience of the Headmaster at Sherborne. He met us privately for the best part of an hour when we first visited, and we run into him at Abbey services, external choir performances, on the touchline, in town. He always greets us by name and always has something to say about our DS. When our DS won a national prize whilst still at his prep, he received a handwritten letter of congratulations from Dr Luckett. Like many Sherborne parents, the Head was a big factor in our choice of the school.

This explains why the group of boys/ parents that left our prep school are so happy with Sherbourne @Chilbolton.This is exactly how it should be when you consider the size of the schools. Our experience of Winchester is so poor on every level.

On our first day at Winchester the headmaster arrived very late to address the parents, he blustered on about being delayed due to his long lunch with "the boss' the bishop of Winchester.

It was very obvious that he has been at a very long lunch. We have come to expect so little from the school which is embarrassing to say while we are paying fees of almost £50k pa. He also said that he never wanted to hear us saying how much we were paying because teaching was a vocation.

This is the man who kept him from meeting the parents of his new year group.

No confidence motion and retirement announcement

On 20 May 2021 it was reported that Dakin had "stepped back" as diocesan bishop for six weeks, in light of the threat of a diocesan synod motion of no confidence in his leadership. The motion stated "We do not have confidence in the diocesan bishop ... to lead by example, due to allegations of poor behaviour and mistreatment on his part of a number of individuals."[14] The motion was not tabled, following Dakin's decision to "step back". The motion additionally described administrative and financial management in the diocese as "unfit for purpose".[14]

David Williams, Dakin's suffragan Bishop of Basingstoke, also "stepped back", having been amongst those representing complaints to Lambeth Palace.[14] Debbie Sellin, Bishop of Southampton, agreed to serve temporarily as acting diocesan bishop.[15]

Dakin's period of "stepping back" was later extended to the end of August.[16] The Church Times reported on 29 June that the facilitated conversations, or commentary upon them, had led to a wider discussion concerning "the culture of the diocese".[14] On 16 July 2021 he announced his forthcoming retirement as bishop of the diocese effective February 2022. He stated that he would be "handing over his responsibilities to others" until his retirement formally took effect.[17]

On 29 January 2022, at Evensong in Winchester Cathedral, Dakin laid down his pastoral staff[18] in preparation for his formal retirement on 6 February 2022, his 64th birthday.

@Wintergardener as an ex parent of Tonbridge, I highly recommend the school. It has something for everyone and the housemaster is like a third parent.