My first parents evening for dd 4.10 - Totally negative - feeling like a really crap mother!! Please help !!

[onefootinthegravy]

Hi, I know my dd is not an angel she's very outgoing and sociable and has a tendency to be abrupt sometimes. But one the whole she's a good kid, bright and funny.
Anyway after parents evening I am totally depressed. After over running my 10 minute appointment by double, I was reeling when I come out from the barrage of negative comments from her teacher, nothing postive was said what so ever. Comments included -;
She is so hard to teach, she has terrible concentration levels.
She is very defeatist, if she finds something too hard she will go off and find something more interesting to do.
She can't seem to do anthing for herself, I don't know if she's just lazy.
Unfortunately she is in the bottom set for everthing, not because of her ability but because she needs more one to one, simply because she can't be trusted to complet a task on her own.
I fear for her in the future - its 90% play and 10% work at the moment, I'm not sure what she'll be like when the work gets harder.

Now I do lots of work with DD at home and she's fine as long as you praise her to the hilt, she hates getting things wrong and this is when she'll switch off so I have to constantly remind her that everyone gets things wrong, mummy did all the time etc - I've already let the teacher know all this in the past.

I asked the teacher at parents evening what more I could do to help and was told I was doing everything I could at home - I have a sticker chart and rewards scheme going for her school work.

So I've come away feeling like my DD is a lost cause

She's only 4 FGS - surely most children at this age have difficulty sticking to one thing???

Sorry its long, but needed a rant !!

I imagine (OP please correct me if I am wrong) that the "set" is really one of those table groups with shape/colour/planet/insect names that are supposed not to be transparent to the children.

Hi - same thing happened with my DS - lots of 'he needs such a lot of support'.....really struggles with basic instructions...blah, blah. On having chatted to other parents we came to the conclusion that whilst we could not criticise the teaching itself..... her manner was appaling. Very 'half empty' and had ridiculously high expectations of reception children (having come from teaching year 2). Interestingly, quite a few parents have 'had words' with the teacher and I have noticed a huge difference in her approach just lately....I even got a 'wow' in my DS reading book - which was a first!! I guess what I am trying to say is that its probably worth having a chat with her... it might just be her style and personality with the parents that is a problem - incidentally the kids love the teacher...its just the parents that can't bear her!!!

I'm sure the teacher did not do this to annoy you or to run your daughter down or even to make you feel like you were a bad mum, or because she's rubbish. She spent extra time with you which would have made the whole evening run late and mean she was home later (small consolation as you left feeling so bad) but would she do that because she was going out of her way to be unpleasant, or because she may actually care about your daughter's success at school? There are very few teachers who don't want the best for the children they teach so just (other posts) saying it must be a CRAP teacher is futile.

When things are said to us about our kids we often only hear the negative bits, because to us they're perfect (and of course MINE are ) - make an appointment to see your DD's teacher and please be open-minded. Maybe the teacher is concerned that your dd is finding school tough and difficult to fit in to. This could be for a variety of reasons and the teacher wouldn't give her the 1 to 1 attention if she really didn't need it, as 1 to 1 attention is a rare and expensive commodity.

Good Luck with your appointment - remember you can go and see teachers in between parents evenings and most schools would encourage you to have supportive contact if they're concerned about your DD.

How's she finding school, does she like it? What does she think about it?

As an aside - I challenge any parent to stand and deliver (the national curriculum) before 30+ children!

Bottom sets for everything at 4 years old? WTF?

Talking to other parents sounds like a good suggestion. This teacher seems very negative.