DC is behind in reading, writing and maths

[JeanTMom]

I need help & this is a long af post I'm sorry.

DS (6) is underachieving at school and they're concerned, they said he doesn't pay attention in classes either, although is otherwise well behaved. I already knew he was struggling with reading and writing from the things we do at home. I know most parents say this but he's sooo clever, and his vocab is so advanced.

I spoke to him about it (sensitively) and it got me thinking maybe being 'advanced' like this is actually stopping him achieving academically. He said he hates having to write because he can't write what he wants to and it makes him feel overwhelmed and embarrassed.

I have noticed this actually, for instance when he was asked to write about his weekend...

(He's obsessed with biology) We'd taken a walk in the woods and the river had overflowed so we couldn't go very far. Instead we got a water sample and took it home for him to use his microscope.

When it got to writing about it he was excited and wanted to write about the sample (talk about amoebas and use words that I don't even know how to spell). He struggled to write down 'I went two f wuds' got frustrated and cried. I tried telling him it was amazing and it's fine to spell things the way they sound if he wanted to write more but it was no use (the fact that he knows he's not spelling them right is interesting to me, I'd never correct him if he wrote things wrong, I'm just happy he picked up a pencil! Writing amoeba as 'ameeba' or cell as 'sel' would be fantastic from my perspective.)

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His school haven't been helpful, I think they actually might be making him hate it more.

I don't know what to do to help him.

I wouldn’t be too worried at the moment he’s 6. I remember being so caught up in this when my kids were at primary. My son was always exceeding expectations my daughter was always working below average. The pressure (from where I don’t know) to have all children working at above average was everywhere. They are all little and progress at different times.

all I can say is now I have one at college and one in yr 9 just having kids that are not struggling with their mental health and are happy is the absolute goal.

support your son, engage him in what he enjoys but don’t get dragged into to panicking that at 6 he is not achieving as he’s just a babe still xxx

Can you perhaps work with him and direct his curiosity in a way that helps him solve the problem? For example, if he wants to write a word correctly, and he doesn't know how to spell it, have you got a dictionary, or can you look up a dictionary online? Find the words together and copy them down. Think about other words that mean the same thing, does he know how to spell those? Can he write the sentence in a different way to mean the same thing? Problem solve it with him.

Also one thing that helps with spelling is reading. It doesn't have to be him reading, although that's important. You reading to him, or looking at books together and pointing out the words he wants to use is just as good. So maybe borrow some science themed books from your library, and look at them together, point out interesting words, and get him to write them down, or sound them out with you.

He's being hard on himself and trying to reach further than his capabilities at the moment, and that must be so so frustrating for him. Amoeba is a tough word for a 6 year old, I had to look it up to make sure I got it right. I think lots of praise and encouragement for him wanting to get it right, and access to the right resources to find the answers will help him a lot.

I also totally agree with @Imnoonesfool he doesn't need a lot of pressure at the moment, he has his talents and his interests, and you can encourage those.

Thank you for replying. We actually read alot, he loves me reading to him everyday, he has favourite encyclopedias lol. We read different book series before bed too doing (nothing to see here hotel atm I recommend it). We are a very book wormy family.

He just won't read himself, he shuts down the way he does with writing.

The dictionary is a brilliant idea! I'll definitely give it a try.

This is a relief to read, I think there's far too much pressure on such little minds. They have a literacy test next month which is why the school seem to be more pushy than usual.

I think as you said, I don't mind so much that he isn't working at the same level as others, I just want to shield him from feeling like he's struggling or not doing well before it affects his confidence.

Thank you for your reply, it has calmed me down a little xxx

This is my son, he has ADHD. Very bright but underachieving because he can't focus in class. He started meds a while ago which have helped a lot, but the most helpful thing has been 1-2-1 tutoring twice a week.

It's combining two tasks - knowing what you want to say and knowing how you need to say it.

Next time he wants to write, I'd ask him if he would prefer to tell you what he wants to say - then you write it put and he copies, or he asks you to speak word for word and he writes.

It sounds like he's a anxious perfectionist, very bright, specific interests (biology in which he's obviously very advanced), not able to concentrate in a class of children, emotional meltdown when frustrated.....this sounds a lot like my ds at that age who was diagnosed with ASD age 10. I would say that he needs to sat right at the front of the class, right in front of the teacher as much as possible. DS can't filter out any distractions and being right at the front will be essential to him even into university. I would also say go with the biology! Indulge him in that as much as possible it will be an absolute joy for him and could be a future career!

Can you afford to get an Educational psychologist involved? I'd be looking at the possibility of ASD, dyslexia, dyspraxia, dysgraphia etc - these things are all linked and it's not unusual to have more than one. I can tell he's really bright but something's holding him back from reaching his full potential IMO and an Ed psych might be able to unpick that.I have every expectation that he will be an amazing biologist in 20 years time.

At 6 it could be nothing, label things so he can look at them and know how to spell them. But equally I would keep an eye on him for SEN - ask school if they have seen anything. He could be ASD/ADHD.

It's all good reading lots to him. But what about getting him to read from a book at his current level of reading. Like a biff & chip book for example ?

I would reassure him that there are lots of different things going on in his growing brain. And some things come naturally - like his curiosity and his want for knowledge - they show his brain is soaking it up like a sponge. Which is so wonderful and exciting as you are seeing the future for him as bright, full of lots of potential.

Some things in learning are skills - writing and spellings are tricky because you can know how to do it - for example he knows how to draw his letters but the execution and accuracy is a skill and that needs his brain to practice and his muscles to practice.

Reassurance and just keep a loose eye on examples to help him identify his progress and model this behaviour yourself. You struggled with x, you practiced and there is an improvement, you practiced some more etc etc.

If there continues to be a bigger gap between his vocab/knowledge and his ability to replicate on a page then that could possibly may indicate a look at dyslexia may be a consideration.

But quite often it is a typical spikey profile learner who will grasp some things easily and others require us to "learn how to learn" - which is a challenge for us all.

Instead of getting him to write it himself you could try more of a Charlotte Mason approach and use narration and copy work - this is what I do with my 6yr old, it takes the pressure off and he then is also practicing handwriting and spelling.

I am torn here, on the one hand he is only 6. It is very common for 6 year olds, especially boys to get frustrated with the way their brain works faster than their ability to write. They just can't get it down on paper as fast as they think it.
this will naturally improve with age and practice.

On the other hand there are the seeds in there of lots of possible things, ASD ADD, dyspraxia etc.

Some suggestions to support him.
When reading sit in such away that he can see the page, alternate between higher level books (chapter books) with complex vocab and stories, and fun simpler books with less text on a page. With the ones with less text, run your finger under the text as you read, and encourage him to look. This way he is seeing the words as you read.
When he wants to write, try a couple of things.

1. act as his scribe. Write down what he says, exactly as he says it. Don't edit/tidy up what he says. Then show him and together read it back. He is more likely to want to read his own writing.
2. make a word bank. Write some key words on strips of paper or card and then he can use them to write. A variation on this is to have lots of words on paper (a, the, in, on etc) and let him creat sentences from them. Add in 'special' words for the occasion, eg amoeba
3. let him use a computer, and write on it.

Many kids with ASD for example, struggle with handwriting as they have hypermobile joints. They find writing extrememly difficult, but thrive on typing.

Any of these things will suppport his eventual writing by hand, so don't worry about that, it just gives him a way of getting his thoughts on paper.

sorry, I meant to say, many boys struggle age 5 and 6 and then take off when they get to age 7. It is a developmental thing.

It would be worth you getting him screened for dyslexia. A big difference between cognitive ability vs ability to read and write is exactly what dyslexia is. Although as a pp said, it could also just be early uneven learning!

There's an online dyslexia screening which costs about £15 and gives a probability for dyslexia - which will indicate whether you need to do a full assessment or not.

It's worth finding out. Undiagnosed dyslexia can really damage a child's confidence.

Is he 6 and year 1 or year 2? Think the year makes a difference to level of worry. Year 1 I wouldn’t stress as lots of them still seem to struggle a bit and I’ve heard teachers say the range is massive. year 2 I’d be a bit more worried about how sats might affect him. I wasn’t sure when you said ‘literacy test’.

There are other ways to express what a child knows: a scribe - you take dictation from him, he recounts what he knows and it is videos, he makes a picture story of what he knows.
Could this be a temporary solution.

He’s 6, don’t worry too much. Both my children were in the bottom set for English & Maths during primary school but they both ended up at top Unis.

I could tell they were bright and it sounds like you know that about your son. Some children just take longer to adapt to the specific requirements of school.

I think you need to take a step back and think about what the school are telling you and why.

They have noticed that your child is struggling to learn compared with his peers. I would imagine that they want you to support him with his reading and writing. This means that he must read the books sent home.

You can carry on as you are and hope he will get going later or you can try encouraging him at home. I think insisting he reads is important. Allowing him to opt out of it is not the answer and will make the situation at school harder.

I would agree about the reading. If you have a local library I'd suggest going there. There will be lots of Beginning to Read books as well as a non-fiction collection. It's about balancing their interests and enthusiasms with giving them the building blocks they need to be able to progress. Perhaps trying to get some dialogue with the teacher about how you can support his learning. If he is able to manage his school work better his confidence will grow and his frustration will lessen.

I agree with the "word bank" suggestion above. I had a "sentence maker" when I was about your son's age, the idea was you strung words together and then copied down the sentence. If you needed a word you didn't already have in your folder you had to ask the teacher to write it on another bit of card for you (I seem to remember doing that a lot!).

Might be worth doing with your son at home, see if he likes it after a few goes.

I disagree with most. I don't see it as you, him avoiding pressure. He needs help and support and he isn't getting it. It's unlikely that this is going to get any better. You are better addressing it now. Asking for help and support. Now.

We do try our best to get his reading books completed each week with him. It's sometimes traumatic. School suggested I read it to him first with my finger along the words as we go, then him doing it. The problem with that was I realised he just memorised the book and wasn't actually reading it - I told the school but they were happy for us to continue.

Then eventually they realised too and changed their minds and said not to do that anymore.

Honestly I think the school are overstretched and don't have the time?

After reading all the comments here I'm going to try the things suggested but also I think I'm going to get him 1 on 1 support for a short time outside of school. Hopefully that'll build his confidence up and help overcome whatever barrier is stopping him.

This is such a massive help, thank you for the suggestions x

I think the 1-1 support outside school will help a lot, even if that's them saying they believe he has difficulties in that area. He sounds bright but frustrated with his reading and writing abilities. I hope he starts coming in in leaps and bounds soon.