Not sure what to do here, regarding DD’s education

[CutiePatooties]

Hi guys,

I am after a bit of advice please.

DD started year 1 in September and we had a parent consultation in November, where her teacher told us that she is very capable but her behaviour is a problem (constant talking/distracting herself and others, etc). The teacher went on to say that she will have to be ‘more strict’ with her due to this, in order to help her achieve her potential. I agreed with this and said I am all for DD understanding that her actions have consequences- i.e- missing break time to finish her work if she’s not cooperating during the lesson, etc. We apologised for her distracting others, had a talk with her about the importance of behaving at school and even took her computer away for a week as some form of consequence that we could follow through with at home.

fast forward to a mid-year report, where she’s graded at expected in all areas but the recommendation to move her to greater depth would be for her ‘to be more focussed,’ and this was put down as a recommendation for us as parents to follow. I was wracking my brains with how to achieve this… so I told her whenever she has a good day at school (they hand out stickers), I would tick it on our chart at home and if she got 3 ticks in a week, we would reward her with a treat. This worked some weeks, but then she came home with no stickers and we wasn’t sure if she’d stopped caring about the rewards or if school had run out of stickers (HAHA!)

anyway, we had another parent consultation yesterday and both of us are now at a loss for what WE can do at home. Her teacher said the exact same things that she said in November. DD is bright, clever, capable, can reach greater depth if she stops chatting to others, stops getting up from her seat and distracting others and starts listening to input. Teacher mentioned she has her sat right under her nose during input, yet DD still doesn’t listen- fidgets on the carpet, touches/talks to others, loudest in the class, doesn’t finish her work, etc. Teacher said she gives DD countless warnings when she should only be giving one warning really, so I said ‘just give her one warning then,’ as I started to become exasperated with it all. I mentioned again that if she’s distracting others then this is terrible and if she needs to miss break time, or sit away from other pupils and work on her own, etc then we are on board with that. Whatever will help her improve and also stop her disrupting others.

I asked her teacher if we can do anything to help and she just kept repeating what DD’s behaviour is like, instead of telling us what we can do to help the situation.

I suppose I’m on here to ask:
1- what can we do as parents to help DD focus more in class/improve her behaviour?
2- am I right in thinking that if her behaviour was stopping her from being at greater depth in November, that it should’ve been dealt with by March?

we have a good relationship with her teacher and do not want to ruin that and also don’t want to complain or cause an issue if there’s nothing really to worry about. On the other hand, we are a bit annoyed to find out that her behaviour is still an issue and holding her back from meeting her potential. The annoying thing is, she doesn’t display these behaviours at home. She whizzes through homework without a complaint, asks to read to me, sits down at the dining table going over number bonds, etc. She seems to want to do the work at home, then play/mess around at school and I wish it was the other way around!

any help/advice would be GRATEFULLY appreciated. Thanks in advance.

Is she a young year 1? It really is hard for a just turned 5 year old to sit still for that long.
It also sounds like school are just punishing her and not looking at reasons. She could just be young but some of those behaviours are indicative of ADHD.

One thought- if she's whizzing through the homework and reading well, why do you feel that she needs more "depth" at this age?

It sounds to me like you're focusing on her behaviour inhibiting her own learning, but really it is probably a bigger issue that she is distracting her classmates.

I get that you can be worried about both things, but you do sound a bit over anxious about academic performance.

Sounds like she has a lot of energy. Does she maybe need to do more running about outside, perhaps even go to bed a bit later (controversial!)?

@Jules912 thank you so much for your response. She’s an older year 1 - birthday in September (she’s actually the oldest one in the class).

You’re right about trying to find out ‘why’ she’s behaving this way. I sound really dumb now, but hadn’t thought about that.

@NeverApologiseNeverExplain thank you for your advice and I’ll definitely see if there’s any way we can expend some of that energy.

I probably am over anxious actually (hadn’t thought about that) thanks for the insight which will help me to chill out a bit. I am definitely worried about her distracting others and have apologised about that and asked how we could help etc.

Is she in a Y1 only class, or a mixed Y1/2? If she whizzes through homework, could she be a bit bored at school?
Is there a phase/key stage leader that you could talk to for strategies, if the teacher hasn't offered any?

Yeah I suspect if she finds homework easy, she’s actually
bored at school rather than struggling. I’m a teacher and I know it’s too easy for my higher achieving children when they start messing around and chatting during input.

not that it’s acceptable behaviour of course, but it’s hard to get across to a 5/6 year old that that they have to sit quietly and listen when they already know what is being taught!

I would say have her assessed for Adhd. If she has it then there will be more understanding/appropriate measures put in place to support. Hopefully ‘bring more strict’ won’t be one of them.
If she doesnt - Well then you know. Either way nothing to lose.
You don’t need to apologize for your child distracting others. It’s the teachers job to manage that - hopefully in a constructive manner.

They why could be boredom. It could be high intelligent, it could be adhd, it could be sensory. An assessment would get to the bottom of it. Your daughter is clearly coping with academic demands of her current level. If she dies have adhd This can get more challenging for kids as they get older.

If she's capable of reaching GD then it's highly unlikely she's bored. It sounds to me like she may have ADHD.

@BlueChampagne shes in a yr1 only class. They do have a KS1 lead who I can ask - that’s a really good shout, actually. Thank you.

@modgepodge it’s funny you mention that actually, as her teacher recalled a time when DD was chatting away on the carpet, so her teacher did the old, ‘what did I just say??’ To catch DD out and highlight that she ‘wasn’t listening’ but DD just recited back to her teacher word for word what she had just said.

@Flowersinmai @Sherrystrull Do you know how you’d get your child assessed for ADHD?

Speak to the GP and arrange to have a meeting with the SENDCo at school. I have supported parents through an initial concerns form which they can also take to the GP.

I agree with others that it could be indicative of ADHD or autism. Such children often need to fidget or move around in order to be able to learn/focus.

I also thought ADHD. I have 2 lovely kind clever gorgeous colleagues who have ADHD. One was diagnosed at age 23 and had a rough time all through school and got expelled. She is now working part time and also studying for a degree. The other was diagnosed at 15. Before that she was heading for 3s on her GCSEs and ended up with 6s and 7s. She said that as soon as she started taking the medication she could concentrate at school.

Here's my idea: let school be school and home be home.

Unless she does something appalling - wreck the classroom, punch another child on the nose - then do not let sanctions for school misdemeanours spill over into her home life.

Some children simply do not suit school - and frankly it would be better if they started later. Just because the other children in the class do not have a problem with it, does not mean that she - as a unique individual - should be able to deal with it.

Let the school sort out its problem with your DD, and let home be a place of sanctuary where she accepted as herself.

By all means back the school up by saying that you understand it must be difficult in class and endorsing any benign sanctions that they might need to put in place; but for goodness' sake do not let this disrupt her home life, where she can be herself - there has to somewhere where this is allowed or her whole life is one non-stop litany of being found wanting.

Never assume that it is the child, as the first go-to explanation - maybe it is the school - not as a faulty school, but as a faulty environment for your child at this particular stage of development. And please do jot try and diagnose her with some pathology - just because your DD and school are a bad fit does not mean there is anything wrong with her.

Big her up at home and heap in some positive vibes to counteract the negative ones she gets at school.

Does she have any sensory issues at all? I'm only saying that as my son has sensory processing disorder and sometimes finds it difficult to sit sit and is quite fidgety.

I was going to write exactly this...

She sounds like me as a child.

I have combined type ADHD.

Might not be, she is still very very little. Most 5 year olds struggle to sit still, pay constant attention etc. She's in year 1 for heavens sake, her very first year of formal education, only a few months out of play based Early Years.

In your shoes I wouldn't be encouraging punishments at this age. 5 year olds needs their break times to let off steam, play and develop their social skills. I would be putting strategies in place - or asking school to! - to try to keep her engaged during teaching time and ensuring that her positive behaviours are highly praised.

If it continues though I would keep potential ADHD in the back of your mind with a view to assessment if she's still struggling with these things approaching KS2.

My year 1 boy sounds similar - can do the work but fidgets a lot. He is one of the youngest in the class but there are quite a few other young ones who don't fidget so much (they've had some open sessions for parents to visit to watch eg phonics so I've seen them during 'carpet time').
He seems very capable of the work although his handwriting is pretty messy - I am not concerned about that specifically though, I think he's just a 5 year old who isn't interested in colouring/drawing so hasn't built up those fine motor skills yet.
I suspect the group work is a bit easy for him but am reluctant to say that to the teachers as it seems a bit of a cliche response to 'your child is misbehaving'...
So I've had chats with him about listening but haven't punished him or really done much about it at home. As others have said I would be taking action if he'd been unkind to another child or disrespectful to the teacher but a 5 year old fidgeting doesn't really seem in the same category.
Will watch with interest to see if there are any helpful suggestions.

Removing break time is likely to be counter productive.

What support has the school tried? Have they tried a wobble cushion, sensory band on chair legs or even an exercise/peanut ball or a rocker/bouncy chair? Does DD have movement breaks, sensory circuits and use a fidget toy?

@Sherrystrull @Comefromaway @dizzydizzydizzy thank you- I’ll book an appointment with the GP and take things from there.

@Mischance thank you for your response. Lots of food for thought there and I appreciate you taking the time to comment.

@Newuser82 she went through a phase of not liking anything like paint/mud touching her hands and has worn ear defenders in the past at the school disco and firework display, but school said it was probably a phase and she is now okay with these things. She does have a problem with smells though, and the school have told me she has to sit away from any children eating school dinners as she throws a bit of a tantrum if she is near smelly food. I did ask if they think there is a wider sensory issue here, but they again said it’s probably a phase.

It sounds like the school are being very dismissive of a lot of red flags

In some areas you can self refer for an ADHD assessment.

Have you spoken to the SENCO?

Sounds like she can't help it to me. ADHD and Autism definitely worth looking into and I'd book a meeting with the teacher and SENCO and discuss strategies. E.g. can she have a fidget toy on the carpet and sit in a position where she can't touch anyone else. If she's too distracted to finish her work can they try different strategies there etc.

She'll be bored. The national curriculum for Year 1 is basic and can be delivered in an extremely dull way yet tick the boxes.

An active brain that is not being engaged will find other ways to get feedback - ie fidgeting etc.

I've moved DD to a school where they cover more subjects than the national curriculum requires, which means they spend less time going over the same phonics/basic numbers. The school's ethos for teaching them to be interested, to develop reasoning skills and to stretch the more able kids with further depth (without the bright Year 1 kids encroaching on the Year 2 syllabus) is working really well for DD and she is much happier. And because the school seems to be aiming to engage every child in the class, all the lessons seem to be delivered in a way that grabs their attention. It's night and day comparing these two state schools in their approach.

@CutiePatooties hmm, sensory issues may be worth bearing in mind certainly! My son finds it harder to sit still etc in noisy environments which may explain why she is better at home as it will be calmer.