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Original poster

Do most of people promise their children cash payments in exchange for good GCSE grades?

236 replies

Theodoraalways · 07/03/2023 18:31

My son has been coming home from school recently talking about his friends getting £100 payment for each grade 9 in their upcoming GCSE….not only that, he has been harassing me relentlessly about me paying him, too. The only response I get from him when asking why should anyone pay their child to do well in school at any time is that “everyone does it!” and so should I!
He has predicted 9’s in all his 10 GCSE subjects and has been found to be exceptionally talented in all his subjects by his teachers since he started secondary grammar school. That is what makes it even more shocking for me that someone so highly intelligent (he has chosen to test his IQ through school in Year 8 and the result was 162) could be putting monetary value to his efforts in school.
He is our only child and has been loved and looked after unlike many unfortunate children I read about. We do go on holiday every summer to Italy or Greece for 5-6 weeks, stay in luxury accommodation (villa or apartment), he has several hobbies outside school which we pay for, we always bought him masses of presents for his birthdays and Christmas, lots of books throughout the year, we try to install decent human values into him, we saved nicely for him into his Child Trust Fund account, he has never wanted for anything - we bought him most of the things he asked for over the years….
Am I wrong in thinking that no child should be promised money in order to succeed in school? I cry when I read some young people saying to their parents they do not wish any money for their grades, it is their achievement that motivates them…Am I wrong in thinking we should be celebrating his achievements by buying him a present and going out for a meal, rather than be putting a price for his grades in advance?

OP posts:
immergeradeaus · 09/03/2023 16:45

Ye gods no. Good results and the doors that they open are their own reward.

When ds 1 got 9 9s and a couple of others last summer I did buy him a cup of coffee and a chocolate bar though.

Abraxan · 09/03/2023 20:04

Reddahlias · 07/03/2023 19:47

The concept of 'paying' children for efforts and/or results takes away their own motivation.

Our children will feel much prouder if they achieve their goals and reap the rewards in terms of University course or dream job. That's their reward! Not parents 'paying' them.

We didn't tell dd in advance we would reward her effort. It happened at May half term when she had almost completed all of her exams, but way before results known. The reward wasn't financial in terms of hard cash either.

rattlinbog · 16/03/2023 22:25

I have never heard of this. Work in a highly selective school and the grades themselves are what the kids want.
It's a horrible idea. Would you pay siblings more than each other if they did better?

Original poster
Theodoraalways · 17/03/2023 11:47

I asked the question to see if “cash for grades” is a common thing these days.
It is purely because of my son recently asking if I would be paying anything since, as he says, all his friends are getting something….. I have never heard of it before and have certainly not received any myself while at school.
Hard work and persistence in face of obstacles is what I value as a parent and have given the same advice to my son. He chose to attend a selective grammar school and we facilitated for him to be within 30 minute walk-in distance to it for seven years by moving our home to a different town, his high intelligence is what he was given not earned and it is up to him what he does with it…. so far, he has done extremely well in school but, he does work hard because he wants to (I do not believe I could force him to it, anyway).
I would never pay anybody to study hard and achieve the best they can. They need to want it themselves and for themselves - I offer advice and provide support but draw a line at any payments.

OP posts:
Dodgeitornot · 17/03/2023 12:00

It sounds like you've given him a lot more than payments for grades, he will realise this when he's older. He's a very lucky boy.

PettsWoodParadise · 17/03/2023 12:57

We took DD out for a meal and gave her some money to go for pizza with friends. We then had a splurge in the bookshop, for her that is like going to Disneyland. She has never always had everything she wanted which is why I think she finds reward in her own results, is understanding when I have to say no to things, and has had a part time job since she was 15.

For A levels we’ve said we will match half of her post-exam-weekend away with friends, about £150, she is earning the rest plus spending money.

May09Bump · 19/03/2023 10:45

Yes - I bribe my children for good results. I equate it to a work model - if you work hard in your job then you get paid for it, if you excel then you ideally get bonuses. To provide a balance they will also be doing volunteer work as do I.

I say it's a family matter and not to discuss in school - whether that actually happens I don't know, but I try.

MrsAvocet · 19/03/2023 18:12

May09Bump · 19/03/2023 10:45

Yes - I bribe my children for good results. I equate it to a work model - if you work hard in your job then you get paid for it, if you excel then you ideally get bonuses. To provide a balance they will also be doing volunteer work as do I.

I say it's a family matter and not to discuss in school - whether that actually happens I don't know, but I try.

Except of course in the world of work, you get paid by, and sometimes bonuses from your employer, because you have done something to benefit them. That's not the case in the student/exam scenario as they are working to benefit themselves. I think a better world of work analogy is that they are self employed - self employed in their own start up company in fact. There might be bonuses eventually but as this stage they are working to grow the company and need to get their satisfaction from seeing the company develop. They need to keep working hard and reinvesting in their own company and eventually they will reap the dividends.

Travelban · 20/03/2023 07:13

I know some people that do that, but we haven't done it. Meal out to celebrate was done though.

Quisquam · 20/03/2023 10:40

They need to keep working hard and reinvesting in their own company and eventually they will reap the dividends.

What would you do, as a parent then, with DC who see school as slave labour and won’t work hard? It’s like blithely saying to the parent of a child with diabetes:

”Why do you give DC insulin - mine don’t need it?”

The world is composed of all different people, and you can’t assume every other child is like your two or three?

TallulahBetty · 20/03/2023 10:42

Is this a thing now?! Good lord. Surely passing with decent grades (so you have the choice of what you want to do next) is enough of a reward in itself?

Almahart · 20/03/2023 10:48

No way.

One of mine is super academic, the other is not. It wouldn't occur to me anyway, but definitely not with such a disparity - what is it actually rewarding?

Quisquam · 20/03/2023 11:16

Surely passing with decent grades (so you have the choice of what you want to do next) is enough of a reward in itself?

No, for my DS, it was not reward enough. He did not care! Did you not read my post above yours? Do you have comprehension problems?

SoupDragon · 20/03/2023 11:20

Almahart · 20/03/2023 10:48

No way.

One of mine is super academic, the other is not. It wouldn't occur to me anyway, but definitely not with such a disparity - what is it actually rewarding?

any disparity is irrelevant as you base the reward according to their ability. I have 3 children, one of which has to work really hard and one who can do absolutely nothing and still get excellent grades.

SoupDragon · 20/03/2023 11:23

TallulahBetty · 20/03/2023 10:42

Is this a thing now?! Good lord. Surely passing with decent grades (so you have the choice of what you want to do next) is enough of a reward in itself?

teenagers often don't think that way, especially about school work/studying.

Also, it's not a "thing now", it was a "thing" when I did O' levels. I still look fondly at the pig ornament I bought with the money from the straight As I got for my second batch of them 😂

PamelaDawes · 20/03/2023 11:25

No. We gave him a colin cake and 4-pack of cider.
He had 2 A the rest were A*

Money is the wrong reward for marks. It confuses things. High marks are their own reward.

MrsAvocet · 20/03/2023 12:13

Quisquam · 20/03/2023 10:40

They need to keep working hard and reinvesting in their own company and eventually they will reap the dividends.

What would you do, as a parent then, with DC who see school as slave labour and won’t work hard? It’s like blithely saying to the parent of a child with diabetes:

”Why do you give DC insulin - mine don’t need it?”

The world is composed of all different people, and you can’t assume every other child is like your two or three?

What other people do is their business. I don't really give a toss. But the poster to whom I was replying was stating that rewarding children for good grades is on a par with employers giving employees a bonus for productivity at work. I don't think that's a logical analogy - children don't work for their parents. We are not the employers.
If your kids respond to that kind of incentive and you you're happy to provide it then you do you. But the argument that it's just like the world of work doesn't hold water, mainly because pupils are not employees and parents are not employers - whether they can currently see it or not, the kids are working for themselves. Plus for many people the whole "perform better and you'll get a bonus" thing is overly simplistic and not how their working lives will pan out anyway.

SoupDragon · 20/03/2023 13:17

"You do you" such a snarky, passive aggressive phrase 😂😂

SoupDragon · 20/03/2023 13:20

It's really funny that most of the people who say they don't reward their children and that the grades themselves are the rewards actually reward them with meals out and cake/cider/favourite food. Still rewards!

Comefromaway · 20/03/2023 13:32

That's not a reward, it is a celebration

Wenfy · 20/03/2023 17:13

It’s a time honoured tradition amongst Indians and many South East Asians. Not necessarily paid per pass, but there is definitely a carrot dangled. I promised to buy my dd a used mini but a lot of her friends are getting their pick of high end fashion / jewels

SilverGlitterBaubles · 20/03/2023 17:26

Am usually not pro reward but DD has lost all
motivation so I might just resort to this or a kitten or something to spur her on.

YearsOfStagnation · 20/03/2023 18:28

My kids were desperate for a set of 9s each and luckily got them. They didn’t want payment and I didn’t offer it. I find it such a strange concept.

YearsOfStagnation · 20/03/2023 18:30

SoupDragon · 20/03/2023 13:20

It's really funny that most of the people who say they don't reward their children and that the grades themselves are the rewards actually reward them with meals out and cake/cider/favourite food. Still rewards!

A spontaneous celebration after results day is not the same as a bribe per subject to make a child study. I doubt many kids would revise for months on end just to earn a pizza and a beer!

rattlinbog · 20/03/2023 21:58

SoupDragon · 20/03/2023 13:20

It's really funny that most of the people who say they don't reward their children and that the grades themselves are the rewards actually reward them with meals out and cake/cider/favourite food. Still rewards!

Just a celebration of their hard work. Not cash for specific grades! So tacky!!