Do most of people promise their children cash payments in exchange for good GCSE grades?

[Theodoraalways]

My son has been coming home from school recently talking about his friends getting £100 payment for each grade 9 in their upcoming GCSE….not only that, he has been harassing me relentlessly about me paying him, too. The only response I get from him when asking why should anyone pay their child to do well in school at any time is that “everyone does it!” and so should I!
He has predicted 9’s in all his 10 GCSE subjects and has been found to be exceptionally talented in all his subjects by his teachers since he started secondary grammar school. That is what makes it even more shocking for me that someone so highly intelligent (he has chosen to test his IQ through school in Year 8 and the result was 162) could be putting monetary value to his efforts in school.
He is our only child and has been loved and looked after unlike many unfortunate children I read about. We do go on holiday every summer to Italy or Greece for 5-6 weeks, stay in luxury accommodation (villa or apartment), he has several hobbies outside school which we pay for, we always bought him masses of presents for his birthdays and Christmas, lots of books throughout the year, we try to install decent human values into him, we saved nicely for him into his Child Trust Fund account, he has never wanted for anything - we bought him most of the things he asked for over the years….
Am I wrong in thinking that no child should be promised money in order to succeed in school? I cry when I read some young people saying to their parents they do not wish any money for their grades, it is their achievement that motivates them…Am I wrong in thinking we should be celebrating his achievements by buying him a present and going out for a meal, rather than be putting a price for his grades in advance?

No way. Maybe take them out for a meal or other treat to celebrate afterwards, but it's not a great life lesson to get paid for your grades.

I’ve never heard of this, sounds weird.

Am I wrong in thinking that no child should be promised money in order to succeed in school? I cry when I read some young people saying to their parents they do not wish any money for their grades, it is their achievement that motivates them…

NRTFT. Imo, yes you are wrong - you know your own children, that is all!

What if you have a boy, who prefers to mess around with all the naughty boys, and is not motivated by achievement? One, who refused to do any homework in Y8, because he said school was slavery, and he wasn’t wasting his own time on it - with the 4th highest number of detentions in his year? One, who if a teacher told him off excessively in his opinion, set out to disrupt their lesson for the rest of the year? One, who found how to get round the block on the school PCs on internet games, and emailed the solution to every person in the school? Believe you me, school punishments meant nothing to him - he didn’t turn up for after school detentions, and even being sent to the head; he said he switched off so he couldn’t hear a word, they said.

We were called in by the head of year in year 9, to be told he could go either way, but he needed to change his friends. The offer of £100 per A at GCSE, if he got all As, worked where a 1,000 words wouldn’t have done! He got 6 A*s and 5 As! He was bored stiff at school, and was only really happy when he got to university, where the lecturers really knew their stuff and answered his questions (unlike teachers, who told him the answer was degree level).

He got a first, a MA and is now a professional, achieving above expectations at every performance review.

I was offered a leather coat if I passed my 11 plus and was put under massive pressure to do so. I just wasn't clever enough.

Mother wanted the bragging rights to me going to an all girls school in Sheffield.

I was the eldest grandchild of a successful family.

Don't you know the difference between bribe and incentive?

A bribe usually involves dishonesty and a gain to the briber. It's no skin off my nose if the kids pass or fail.

An incentive spurs them on to get the pass, get the reward I have offered and have more choices in their future.

We never offered money for exam grades.Our DC were self motivated to do well in exams and came out with top grades.We did take them out for a celebratory meal and they were happy with that.

It's easy to offer £100 for a 9 if there is no hope of it being achieved

OP I don’t think you can criticise other parents for offering incentives for effort or results, when it sounds like your child is, by your own admission, spoilt anyway. I didn’t need to read that he was an only child. I would have guessed it anyway!
I do not think long holidays of 5-6 weeks every year are great for kids. My kids would have hated it. They liked to play with their friends in school holidays. I would suggest the long holidays are more for your benefit.

I think the best help parents can provide, when their children are studying for exams, is to lead by example. We spent the time in the lead up to exams by not going out or watching television ourselves. We were on hand to test if our kids if they wanted I.

I know you said this as a joke, but there are parents who think their children's achievements are only worth celebrating if they attain the highest possible result.

Offering £100 for a 9 if there is no hope of it being achieved is the opposite of incentivising for a child.

Tbf my parents did back in 2011 and my cousins parents did too.

I got £50 for every A or A star, £20 for every B. They regretted it a bit when I got 9 A-A stars 😂

So I'd say it's common but you don't have to do it... times are tough right now.

That is why I think it is better to reward effort not results. It is important that children achieve the best they can for themselves.

That is why I think it is better to reward effort not results. It is important that children achieve the best they can for themselves

I did a customised reward system for each DC depending on their strengths and weakness. They all ended up with £800 and have said a few time that the thought of loads of tenners really did help with giving them a push with subjects they were not as naturally good at.

Really?
I don't remember doing this to my parents and my kids would soon be told
That's shocking!

Most of the parents at the school ds went to would struggle to find £100 to pay for an unexpected event never mind £100 per grade.

Dd did very well in her GCSE's despite various factors including her dad being taken seriously ill in the middle of it. I took her and a friend out for a nice meal to celebrate the end of her exams and we also took her out on the day of her results.

Ds's exams were cancelled. He underachieved but he got what he needed for college, he is autistic and school was a battle. We paid for him and his girlfriend to go out to celebrate his results (eat out to help out).

DD asked me if we would do this recently - apparently 'lots of people do'. I said no! Generally I think motivation has to come from within. I can imagine offering some sort of carrot for working hard, although I don't think it's ideal - but cash for grades doesn't feel right at all.

DD does work fairly hard and is self-motivated, but is lucky that academic stuff comes easily to her. Her siblings will likely get less good grades in their exams than she will, and that won't necessarily be a reflection of the effort they have all put in.

I'm sure we'll celebrate the achievements in some way though - meal out or some kind of other treat, perhaps.

When I was little my father offered cash for good grades. It never really motivated me to try hard. What worked like a charm one year, was when he promised me if I got all A's we would get a dog. I had been asking for years for a dog and always a no. My father was shocked when I came home with all As and we got the dog :)

I often wonder how much these incentives actually works, or if students by and large get the grades they would anyway.

OP seems pretty clear, the money will make no difference in this case.

When I was at primary school one of my classmates asked me to "throw" the end of year maths exam as his Dad had promised him a new bike if he beat me. (It was in the days when you got a class position on your report as well as a score). I feel a bit guilty about that now. The poor lad really wanted that bike so badly, but I wouldn't collude with his plan. I think he was pressured, not incentivised by his Dad's "offer".That will have been the mid 70s so parents have obviously been doing this kind of thing for a long time.

My parents did this with me at GSCE, don't remember them doing it at A Level.

I (surprisingly) don't remember finding it particularly motivating or that it made me change my behaviour. I'm not sure if I'd do it with my own children.

It sounds like your son knows he'll do well and is using it as a way to pump you for money rather than genuine motivation.

In your position I'd probably sit down and talk to him about how these grades are to benefit him, not you, and while you'll do everything you can to support him, ultimate he needs to learn to work hard for his own success.

Then I might buy him a gift or gift some money when he has his results. I wouldn't tie it to a specific grade as I wouldn't be keen to encourage that transactional behaviour (and what if he doesn't do as well as expected!) but would frame it is how proud I am of how hard he's worked.

We didn't with our elder child and won't with our younger child this year (older one also doing a levels).

We will give some money when they finish exams

My parents paid for GCSE results (I think it was a fiver for every C, tenner for Bs, 15 for As and 20 for A*s) not crazy money but an incentive (not that it really incentivised me). I'm sure some of my friends had similar deals but certainly not all.

DD tells me that some children in her class get money for grades all the time even now (they're 11/12 years old and have exams all the times) and asked why I don't pay her - told her the good grade is its own reward and no way am I coughing up money every week or so. But I might consider rewards for matriculation.

We gave them money for trying hard at the end of GCSEs. This was because there’s a long summer after those exams and they need the cash to pay for activities.

I remember asking my father what I would get if I passed my 11+ (which I sat a year early, at the same time as my older sister). He said, "I won't hit you".

My sister failed and was told it didn't matter. I think she was given money to go to the sweet shop. I passed and was told to shut up (I hadn't said a word, I knew better!)and nobody likes a smart arse.

I think I may well have typed a summary of my entire childhood there!

Madness. I'd probably treat them to a day out of their choice or something along those lines if they work hard and put the effort in but not a cash payment. You always get parents doing this though - my ten year old plays football and there are plenty of parents paying for goals 🙄