Starting pre-school, which version of name to use?

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My daughter is known by a shortened version of her full name. The shortened version of the name starts with a different letter to the full version of the name. Think Margaret, known as Peggy.

She will be starting pre-school soon and I am wondering what to ask the teacher to call her. My daughter is most used to Peggy but I would like her to understand that her 'proper' name is Margaret and learn to spell it, see it on her workbooks etc.

Has anyone else been in a similar situation? Should I ask the teacher to call her Peggy but use Margaret for more formal applications?

Use whatever you want her to be known for the rest of her life.

My cousin went to preschool with a child known as "BC" short for "Baby Christopher" as he was called after his dad, so they'd used this to distinguish them.
When the child went to school they explained carefully to the little boy that he'd now be "Chris" like daddy, and told the school to call him that. Of course all the children from preschool greeted him with "Hello, BC" and by the end of the week all the new children called him "BC" too.

He's now in his 30s and still known as "BC".

At this stage I’d be letting her use the name she mostly associates with herself.
I have to admit to not really understanding why you would spend the first 3 years of her life calling her something when you don’t really want that to be her name.
If you don’t want her to be ‘Peggy’ why do you use it? Are you going to start calling her ‘Margaret’ at home? It could be a little confusing if not.
Her name is part of her identity, I’d be sticking with ‘Peggy’ until she’s a little older and can make the choice for herself.

We had a very similar dilemma. Never intended to shorted DDs name, but it just sort of evolved over time. We asked school to call her by the name she was used to responding to - there's plenty of time over the years to learn to write her full name.

If they have a recognised given name like Katie that is used daily rather than Katherine, I think it's fine for them to learn to recognise the proper form much later. If it's more of a nickname like Immie for Imogen it's more important that they can spell the real version. As a teacher I'd put Katie on a child's books and peg but would probably put Imogen not Immie unless expressly told otherwise.

Typically, you need to give the school your child's legal name for their records but can also set a preferred name (i.e. Lucinda but Lucy).

However, most things will be done according to one of those, depending on whether the school prioritises legal or preferred names, rather than a mix and match. When the names are closely related, as in my example, that's easy enough. But, in your example, with names further away from each other, your child would likely be called the wrong name now and then (by adults and by other children) and will have to be able to respond to both and express her own preferance.

My son has a long name but we have always called him by a shortened version that is a name in itself (so much so that for a while he didn't believe his name was actually the long version) and when he started nursery just before he turned 4 I put that that he should be called by the short version. He's nearly 5 now and now knows his full name (long version plus middle name and surname) without any confusion over his usual shortened name.

The easiest one for her to spell! Most of my sons friends didn’t know he had a longer version of his name for years. He still did though.

Elizabeth was a popular name when I was at school. All the girls called Lizzie/ Libby/ Beth etc had those names on their workbooks etc. The same with the Rebecca’s called Becky. If the shortened name is a recognisable name and it’s what she’s known as then I would use that. She will learn to write her full name over time so I don’t think that’s a good reason to complicate it by using a name she doesn’t usually go by.

I would go with the shortened version that you actually use.

I think you should ask the school to use the name people actually call her. It's so confusing when children at school are known by and 2 different names and the name on the register, workbooks etc don't match the name that is verbally used.

Does she not know her "big" name? Our toddler is similar, let's say Elizabeth NN Betty - she's Betty 98% of the time but she knows her name is Elizabeth because we call her that too.

No state exams, so just Peggy!
I like the nic name from a longer name options.

Our child’s nursery asked what dc would prefer for example ‘shall we call you Edward or Ted?’ Or simply ‘what is your name?’

Wow, that really did stick!

Thank you, you're right that we should mainly stick to the name she is used to. She does know her proper name. We use it quite a lot at home as well as her nickname. I like both versions. I just had the idea that the full version should perhaps be used for her schoolbooks etc.

Thank you, that's really helpful

This is good to know, thank you!

Yes, she does know her full name and we do use both at home. Most friends and family use the shortened version though and that's what she would introduce herself as.

One of mine in same circumstances (including the variants starting with a different letter)

We used the nickname

No problems at any point

Great to know, thank you!

I asked my dd - at 3yo she was perfectly able to choose whether she was Fullname or ShortenedVersion. Same question for primary school and secondary school - she’s stuck with ShortenedVersion at home and FullName elsewhere, so far.

I would say to hve her name when written down as the proper full name. But then she can be called by the teachers and friends by her nickname.

A lot of people are known by a nickname but their name is still used for everything else 🤷🏻‍♀️

I use a shorter version of my name all the time, but am glad that the official name is used on proper documents etc.
at school- later- exams etc might be in the shorter version which doesn't match other stuff.
I don't think I explained that terribly well!!
I would go with official name as someone with a nickname used in every day life!

One of mine has always been known by the shortened version, we filled it in on the ‘known as’ option. Also they correct everyone who uses the full name.

If she introduces herself by the short name, I’d go with that. Have that put on books/pegs etc. Saves the hassle of books/folders/trays being labelled as Margaret and loose pieces of work being named as Peggy because she’s forgotten she’s Margaret when written down.

By the time she needs to write her name on anything official like exam papers she’ll have been able to spell both forms for years.