Would Autism diagnosis (for borderline child) be beneficial or detrimental if applying to Private Schools?

[Quirk1]

DS9 has been on the list for ASD assessment (at school's recommendation) and is going to be offered his slot soon.

He presents as "quirky", he's tracking baseline standards at his state primary, he's popular with many close friends, and his behaviour in class is apparently very good.

His main issues are that he can get distracted in noisy classrooms, he is anxious in busy/competitive environments, and he apparently has very high potential in certain areas (which the school have not picked up on at all; this was via Ed Psych). It is for these reasons that we are considering private schooling for secondary level.

Since there's no overwhelming benefit that we his parents can see for him to have a diagnosis, should we still send him for assessment?

The reasons to do it would be, I guess, to help future educators to understand how he works. And also because it could be done free of charge whilst he's in state system.

The reasons against it are; to make sure he's not given a "glass ceiling" by being typecast. We're also worried that some fee paying schools may discriminate against those with a diagnosis (is this a thing?). And also it may prevent us from emigrating to certain countries, which could pose a problem with DH's work.

Thanks for your thoughts.

Many parents of diagnosed and undiagnosed children choose independent schools mainly for the fact that their child copes better in smaller classes.

I wasn't diagnosed until my mid-30s. I was considered very shy in school, but nothing else was noted. I got good marks in most subjects with minimal effort. Great school reports.

But I was treated for depression from 12 years old, including feeling suicidal and developed an eating disorder. I had a nervous breakdown in my early 30s. All of these are directly due to undiagnosed/untreated ASD/ADHD.

I cannot express how different I believe my life could have been with diagnosis.

My dd was diagnosed at the end of Y5. I had misgivings about labels. But school was so supportive of her needs and she has been exploring what autism means. I read somewhere that it's better to be a successful person who has autism than a struggling person who doesn't know why they are struggling with no help in place. That made a big impact on me. Good luck.

There's a difference between assessment and diagnosis, all kids sent for assessment do not automatically receive a diagnosis. Most people tend to advise others to go for a diagnosis, which makes it sound as though it's a simple process. the reality is to go for an assessment, which is often several meetings in different settings and liason with school and parents. There can be a team involved, usually Paed, Ed Psych, SaLT and OT.

If he has autism, he was born with it, he will have if for life, If you don't pursue an assessment, then he will be an unsupported autistic kid in a system that's not designed to meet his needs. The older kids get and the less they are supported the more difficult their life becomes.

If he has autism and you do pursue an assesment, then his needs will be documented and support strategies put into place in school and FE. Depending on your area, you may need to be his advocate and have to fight to get him the provision he needs.

If he does not have autism and you pursue the assessment, he will not be diagnosed, although knowing his strengths and weaknesses is no bad thing even if he doesn't meet the criteria for interventions.

Assessment will not change him into a different child, it won't "make" him autistic, he will be your son exactly the same before and after the assesment.
BUT an assessment whether a diagnosis is given or not, can be very useful in terms of you understanding his needs, strengths and weaknesses and for him to know there's a reason he seems different to other kids. School wouldn't have suggested an assessment if he wasn't different to his peers.

To be honest I’m slightly(!) appalled at many of the responses from posters who are very certain their views are correct or who talk from past experience as if there are no other options.

I speak as a clinical psychologist and a mum. Yes, you can choose to go privately, and if your child receives any diagnosis, choose that this not be shared with your GP. So yes, you can choose for the world not to know if you do this privately (and your child is young enough). They may choose otherwise when older and obviously there are other ramifications.

Autism is on a spectrum - some need support and others do fine and the labeling is more unhelpful than helpful. Of course if someone needs support and such a diagnosis gets this for them - a good positive. But it’s not clear cut. For those replying to say “I got the diagnosis and my life was much more clear” - that’s great and would be similar to many, but if you’re only just meeting the criteria and don’t need a diagnosis for support then you need to think more broadly. Not everyone “needs to understand” themselves if they’re quite happy and getting along fine.

@taj0112

Im 'appalled' at your comments as a clinical psychologist.

@BlankTimes

As always, your comment really makes a lot of sense.

@whorebornin94

She was speaking as a clinical psychologist and a mum. She didn't mention her child. Her opinions, from a clinical psychologist are awful. The lack of understanding is strong

Also the reason I said I was appalled was because she said it about other people who talked about their experiences. Nobody was saying their way was the only way, but if lots of people give list of real life experiences then we get variety. I would expect someone so educated to know this.

Which part? We can all absolutely have different views and I wasn’t replying to anyone in particular as I haven’t read all the replies.

@whorebornin94

Ah, easily done!! No problem.

Thank-you @eyeteevee

One thing I forgot to mention was a general comment I've seen a lot on MN about parents thinking their children may only be 'borderline' as they're 'quirky'

Some people prefer to minimise as it's uncomfortable for them to even consider their child may be different. This is one of at least 3 threads I've read on MN this week that has the underlying message of please tell me my child does not have the plague autism. I find it such a shame that people let their often unfounded prejudices stop them from even trying to find interventions that could possibly help their child.

As parents, it's so easy to unconsciously slip into providing interventions for your children to make their life easier to the point where you literally don't see them having any significant difficulties.

Another facet of that is some parents don't see the severity of their child's differences because the parent themselves is undiagnosed autistic or has other undiagnosed neurodiversity.

An assessment report can be a really stark shock to discover exactly which areas your child finds difficult because in other areas they are the same or well above their peers. I think the 'spiky profile' which is so indicative of ND should be much more widely publicised as being okay, alongside the NT much more static abilities across the board.

If we could all learn to show our ND and NT children that 'different' does not mean 'wrong' from an early age, the ND childrens' lives could be made a lot easier.

Yes some, not all, private schools absolutely will discriminate against your child if he has a formal autiam diagnosis. Theh will say they can’t meet his needs.

But, OP, your child sounds more likely to be sensitive than autistic? Many children struggle with noise, pressure and competition. Do have a read of this book “The Highly Sensitive Child: helping our children thrive when the world overwhelms them.” It explained so much to me.

www.amazon.co.uk/gp/aw/d/B008CBDOQG/ref=tmm_kin_swatch_0?ie=UTF8&qid=&sr=

I suspect your ‘quirky’ child will blossom and calm down in a quieter, smaller class size environment with more relaxed teachers. Just make sure you find a gentle nurturing school not a super sporty competitive one.

Some state schools are absolutly dire for children with autism/ND too. They obstruct referrals by claiming a child is "fine" and say they see no problems and if the parent manages to get an EHCP, without their input, the schools just do not implement the recommendations.

OP, Please don't think it's only private schools that discriminate against any child that can't manage the only form of 'one size fits all' education they offer.

I can’t advise on whether to pursue or not pursue the assessment, it’s something I am having a similar dilemma about myself.

However I will say a few things:

First, many private schools ask on the application form whether there is a diagnosis. So there is no “keep quiet” option. It’s either tell the truth, or lie (which is obviously not advisable for many reasons).

Second, your child’s y5 school report will be very important to these schools, especially as you are presumably not looking at very academically selective schools. If the report says he behaves well in class and has friends, that will allay a lot of concerns. Bluntly, if they see ASD they will probably be wondering whether his ASD causes issues at school or not, but the school report will show it does not.

Third, I have found that some private schools have a big and active SN department and will, for example, screen all students entering the school for undiagnosed SN. They might have a “Neurodiverse” club, and the head or Senco will be able to talk about what is in place for ND kids, like quiet rooms, dyslexia assistance etc. Other private schools by contrast do not screen, cannot give much detail about what they do for ND children, their inclusion policy is the bare statutory minimum, etc. Obviously it’s the first kind of school you want! Don’t be afraid to ask questions about SN provision at open days.

I'm quite surprised a clin psy said autism is 'on a spectrum', rather than understanding a spiky profile.

OP, we are 'globally mobile'. Does DD being autistic limit the places we can go and the schools we might apply to? Yes.

Is it important she's in a school that understands her needs? Yes. That's more important than location.

I have had to modify my career to accommodate that but that's what parenting is I'm afraid. It should also only matter if you're planning on applying for citizenship somewhere, not if you're going somewhere for a short period.

She meets expectations academically and excels in a couple of areas. But she has lots of other challenges around communication and sensory stuff.

Things also change; I know more than one 'quirky' primary child who has completely crashed out of school on hitting adolescence. Knowing they were autistic would have meant early strategies were put in place and would have helped them.

If school is recommending they probably see more than you do as a parent. Given it's so difficult to get schools to back a referral I would do it.

Also have a look at the Facebook group Expat kids learning differently to understand how people have navigated this while moving around the world.

You are not looking great here. You obviously went for the assessment because you felt he needed more support and that it would be advantageous in a state school. You now feel that it will be a disadvantage in a private school potentially. Why would you want your ds to attend a school that would discriminate on the basis of a disability??

Lots of children don't show lots of autism traits until they get to secondary school. Changing rooms, teachers and classmates every lesson, larger, louder schools, having supply teachers with little notice means those that masked at Primary often struggle to cope.

Also schools don't tend to offer to get ASD diagnosis for a bit quirky, it's a long and expensive process so some of his behaviours are sufficient for the school to pick up on.

I would consider getting him tested for Auditory Processing Disorder - he sounds a lot like my daughter. She is not autistic but her “symptoms” presents exactly like those at the mild end of the autistic spectrum.

It’s a bit like dyslexia for your ears. Hearing is absolutely fine but in noisy and busy environments the brain struggles to be able to focus on a single noise source e.g. the teacher talking in a classroom.

The diagnosis has been extremely helpful. Just small classroom adjustments have made a huge difference and independent secondary schools have been very positive (including some well known extremely academic ones) when we have been visiting them. At the end of the day they are mainly interested in her grades - she is very high performing - and her extra curricular stuff. It’s like any SEN though.

If an independent school can meet their needs then they will engage and work with you. Where a child needs, for example, 1 to 1 support then independent schools will be negative - because that support needs to be paid for. I doubt many parents would feel happy paying private school fees plus the cost of a TA’s annual salary on top. Is it discrimination? No, it’s a business and the services need to be paid for. An assessment and diagnosis helps both you and the school work out if they can meet their needs. I’d rather be turned away before getting a place than be turfed out a year in.

My DDs school has plenty of quirky girls who are most certainly autistic. They are happy and supported. A diagnosis doesn’t always close doors but opens them to help you find the best school for your child.

If a school would discriminate or not meet his needs then it is not the setting for him, diagnosis or not.

You need to think about what would help him most. Don’t underestimate the effects of being undiagnosed and knowing you are different yet trying to force yourself to fit in. Even with no other support just having the diagnosis and understanding your diagnosis is hugely beneficial to the child’s Mental health and self esteem.

Surely you would want the diagnosis so you can make informed decisions on the right school for him? If you are already aware some may be better than others, the diagnosis will be helpful to rule out the ones you feel would put a “glass ceiling” in.
Wrt emigrating, again; why would you want your child to live somewhere they won’t be accepted?

Your focus needs to be on your child and having their needs met as much as possible and not considering the detriment you feel a diagnosis would have on your life and your options.

I’m appalled that a clinical psychologist uses the term “labelling” when referring to diagnosis.

not hugely surprised though sadly. Hope you’re not in private practice charging worried parents money for your words of wisdom!

Well, as another psychologist with 20 years experience of autism diagnostic team, and the parent of an autistic young man who was "quirky with friends" at 9, and lying sobbing in a bed in foetal position at age 16 for a year when he burnt out, I absolutely disagree. Autism is a spectrum but it isn't a "mild to severe" spectrum. It's a particular manifestation and personal experience of autism spectrum. "Mild autism" tends to mean "doesn't affect those around them much".

OP, go through the diagnostic process. If the school wouldn't accept him as autistic, it's not the right school. (Assuming he is), he will still be autistic with or without the "label", but one way he will understand himself and be better understood by his teachers, and the other, he won't.