Would Autism diagnosis (for borderline child) be beneficial or detrimental if applying to Private Schools?

[Quirk1]

DS9 has been on the list for ASD assessment (at school's recommendation) and is going to be offered his slot soon.

He presents as "quirky", he's tracking baseline standards at his state primary, he's popular with many close friends, and his behaviour in class is apparently very good.

His main issues are that he can get distracted in noisy classrooms, he is anxious in busy/competitive environments, and he apparently has very high potential in certain areas (which the school have not picked up on at all; this was via Ed Psych). It is for these reasons that we are considering private schooling for secondary level.

Since there's no overwhelming benefit that we his parents can see for him to have a diagnosis, should we still send him for assessment?

The reasons to do it would be, I guess, to help future educators to understand how he works. And also because it could be done free of charge whilst he's in state system.

The reasons against it are; to make sure he's not given a "glass ceiling" by being typecast. We're also worried that some fee paying schools may discriminate against those with a diagnosis (is this a thing?). And also it may prevent us from emigrating to certain countries, which could pose a problem with DH's work.

Thanks for your thoughts.

You need to put your child at the centre of this. Would a diagnosis be helpful for him to understand the ways in which he sees the world?

A diagnosis isn't going to change your child or his needs. A school which discriminates against a child with a diagnosis is not a school which will be prepared to meet his needs. Equally, would you want him to grow up in a country with an immigration policy that discriminates against him?

I'm in a lot of autism groups and I don't know any where they say they regret having a diagnosis. Many wish patents had sought it out early.

I would focus more on whether it would be beneficial for the child, over the school application.

It changed my life when I was diagnosed as an adult. It also let me understand all the things I needed to know about myself growing up.

If your child may be autistic you owe it to then to have them assessed. There is no benefit in not doing this. If he is autistic he will still be autistic without a diagnosis. He won't have any legal protection, and adjustments or accommodations, and crucially he won't know why he feels as he does.

Varies from school to school in the private sector. Some are very inclusive, some have no issue making it clear they are not set up to cater for ND children. TA resources will not be directed to any particular child, for example; parents must fund any additional support children might need.

Best to chat to any potential schools before looking at applying.

Agree with PP that it’s better for your child to be diagnosed, and the school should fit them, rather than vice versa.

Can you do the assessment but then decide not to “accept” or disclose the diagnosis if he gets one?

I am no expert but the stuff you’ve said doesn’t scream ASD to me. I thought there needed to be quite significant issues across a number of areas, which it doesn’t sound is the case?

"Can you do the assessment but then decide not to “accept” or disclose the diagnosis if he gets one?

You know if he gets a diagnosis he is autistic and we are talking about a medical assessment here, not the offer of an ice cream

I have heard it all now.

@Ifyouknowyouknowyouknow

why on earth would you put a child through an assessment and then choose not to accept it or disclose it, if there was one,

@ThanksItHasPockets sums it up perfectly. A diagnosis has two purposes - so that the person can understand themselves and to secure the right support.
A diagnosis does not change the child, their behaviour or their needs.
Putting a child in an environment which cannot, or does not want to meet their needs is damaging and unfair to the child, and runs the risk of them being labelled the naughty one.

If he is assessed and a diagnosis is given then that is stagnant. You sharing or not sharing wont change the fact he has the diagnosis.

Going on friends who have children with varying degrees of diagnosis of being non neurotypical the impacts vary greatly pre and post puberty. So be aware the capable child today may need extra support later down the road and without the diagnosis disclosure you are setting up a hurdle that doesn't need to be there.

You are also subconsciously sending your son the message that the diagnosis is damaging so should be hidden.

@Ted27 the OP raised concerns in her first post about the impact eg if they had to move abroad. It’s not something I would do personally but it is an option because actually they might find that he doesn’t have ASD but the assessment identifies some other useful info.

Is the assessment so unpleasant that it would be unfair to “put the child through it”?

I 100% would get the diagnosis however if the move to private is imminent I would consider delaying it until you've been accepted by school. That is assuming he will transition well without the need for many adjustments. It is possible a school could discriminate against a child in choosing whether to offer them a space but also support him well later once diagnosed.
However one thing that helps in getting a diagnosis is school observations and if you have a supportive school just be aware the next teacher might not notice all the 'traits' immediately so there observations won't be as helpful.

Our DS is similar and a diagnosis helped him a lot. Teachers understood better how to communicate with him effectively and he got weekly support. Now very happy at uni with friends, girlfriend, job etc but needed support to reach that stage.

If you think there's no or little benefit from getting a diagnosis then you need to speak to more autistic people- the majority find it very helpful.

My DS is autistic. He gets huge amounts of support at his (now) state school. However, he was kicked out of the local prep and we know of at least 5 other ND children who have been removed from the same school.

I have no regrets about getting the diagnosis because it helps DS understand his quirks and helps us help him navigate the world.

If your DS is not disruptive and needs minimal support then I would not disclose any diagnosis to the private school (which may mean not getting it in the first place). It depends how important you think his place at the private school is, relative to his other needs. Sadly many private school parents think paying the fees allows them to keep their children away from SN children in a rarefied autism-free environment, which (obviously) stinks.

eyeteevee. Amazingly we were offered a choice when we went for Ds's diagnosis appointment (NHS) to whether we wanted him to have a diagnosis or not. Utterly ridiculous and he now attends a specialist school, there is no hiding he autistic. The paediatrician said he 'might want to go into the armed forces' so left it up to us. At the time Ds was barely functioning and there is absolutely zero chance of him ever going into the army.

My DD was borderline, I thought, as she did well at school and coped okay most of the time. However, since the diagnosis and some teeny changes at school, she's absolutely flying. You can't really tell how much it's affecting someone until you see what they are like in a world that's making an effort to accommodate them.

If the school are going to discriminate at the application stage, then there will be less ASD children and staff with experience at that school - so it's not a good fit.

Would you consider not getting your child assessed for anything else you thought they might have?! Whether you accept it and deal with it or you close your eyes and hope that not getting him assessed means that he won’t “have it” your child will be the same. As a teacher and a mum of a child with ASD (also diagnosed as borderline) I find it incredibly frustrating. Educators can educate much better when they know what they are dealing with and your child will not get the same support without a diagnosis. You would be doing your child a huge disservice to prevent an assessment for something he may have; they won’t diagnose something that isn’t there. Also, consider that many parents start off reluctant and then as their child gets older the needs get bigger and people then want a diagnosis but have to go back to the bottom of the waiting list.

@Ifyouknowyouknowyouknow

I don’t understand your point, if he has as assessment and there is no diagnosis then there is nothing to not accept or choose not to disclose.

its not ‘unpleasant’ as in noone is sticking pins in them or prodding them.

But yes it can be a difficult experience, they may not co operate, they may not like being in a room with a strange person asking them to do stuff. They may find it a very stressful experience.
In one assessment session my son was completely uncooperative, he became quite stressed and when he wasn’t trying to get out of the room, he was climbing all over me or rolling on the floor, in another he just ignored everyone and played with the toys.
Apart from the difficulty of actually getting him there because he was outraged at being taken out of school
I can’t say they were the most relaxing afternoons of my life.

DS was diagnosed with a learning disability - all worked out well , His 2ndry school fee paying) and indeed university dealt with it well ( no glass ceiling) I think just get the diagnosis and then you can access the help you can

@Ted27 my point was that the OP shouldn’t avoid the assessment because of fear of the diagnosis (or what the impact of that might be). If an official diagnosis has implications for where the family might live/work (which seems extreme but taking the post at face value) then I can see why that might militate against doing the assessment. But if you have the “choice” (as it seems other posters have been offered) about the diagnosis then there’s no reason not to have the assessment.

I'm autistic and so is DS. I grew up without a diagnosis, so just got called weird a lot. DS has his diagnosis now and is aware of it, so at least when kids call him weird he knows that it's because of the way his brain is made and not just because he's a stupid freak (for instance - one example of names I got called and internalised at a young age).

IMO a diagnosis is worth having, for him and FAO the school.

I'd go for it as it could be that his problems get more obvious the older he gets as the difference between him and his peers increases. Then, if things did break down and you needed a diagnosis ASAP to get into specialised education, or for DSA if he goes to university, you could find yourselves at the bottom of the waiting list for diagnosis. If as he gets older he continues to cope well, then his diagnosis may be redundant and he wouldn't need to disclose it to anyone.

The only problem I can see is if the country you moved to would have any problems with it - I guess you have to weigh up the likelihood of moving to that country versus the benefits of diagnosis now.

I really dont get this point about the impact of moving somewhere because of work.
His needs are the same. If they move to another country there may be added difficulties because of language or culture. Even more important to get a diagnosis if one is required, I don’t know why anyone would knowingly move overseas if it was detrimental to the welfare of your child.

If your child has a toothache you take them to the dentist, if they can’t see properly you take them to the opticians, if they fall over and break a leg you take then to A&E. If they are sick you take them to the doctors.

Why is it that it is only with conditions such as ASD or ADHD people want to avoid it, if its there it won’t go away.

I’m also quite sure that autism exists in other countries.

You appear incredibly naive about autism and the importance of a diagnosis.

If you really wanted to centre your child, you would want to find out if he is ASD (or indeed anything else) so you could work together with 'future educators' to best meet your DC's needs.

Some private schools will discriminate against a child with SEN. They won't say that's the reason - they haven't done well in the interview, they don't suit the cohort, there are other applicants who suit better, whatever. Realistically, though, if your DS has autism, you don't want him at these schools. You want the school that will work with him, not the school that expects him to conform to their narrow idea of an acceptable student.

I'd do the assessment. You don't have to share it with anyone if you don't want to, but it will help him understand himself, help you understand him, help his teachers understand.