Private school fees

[muffinhead4]

I have been try to work out if we can afford private school fees for our 2 children in the next few years but after doing sums we could barely manage 1 let alone 2 😔
Before tax we earn approx £100K which is most definitely not enough, this got me thinking how do parents pay for private school for more than 1 child? Am I missing a trick? I know some grandparents help but those that pay them selves how do you do it? What kind of jobs? I am in finance and DH is in training, neither very high up.

@20hh91 i think that is exactly my point. misplaced ambition comes with sending your children privately. If you are sending your children to a private school just so they have a happy childhood that’s all well and good. But if that happy childhood turns into an adult life where you can’t afford a house or anywhere close to the nice life you were brought up to be accustomed to then perhaps it isn’t money well spent. If the money was gifted as a house deposit you might well be able to afford much of the rest of the nice life. You are an adult much longer than you are a child.
The reality is that many many privately educated children do find themselves in these jobs. I was privately educated, earn very well, but not enough to put DC through private school on my salary. DH wasn’t privately educated, but earns top 5% and it’s his salary that pays the fees. I don’t have a single friend or acquaintance from school or otherwise who was privately educated and can independently afford the school fees.

@Trainfromredhill I think you are right - I do also think that no privately educated parent will let their kids go into such professions - at least not in London. The reality is that you often end up paying one way or another - 200k mark up for a house near a nice state (which ends up being 400k once you've included interest rates) or spending 50k on fees per year for two kids. My impression is that both in nice state and private primaries parents do roughly the same thing and are more or less in the same industries. I live in se london and whilst yes some parents do send their kids to crappy boy state schools most either move or pay - i.e. still spend the same amount. The difference is that banks give out mortgages on house but not fees hence it's a bit trickier.

We pay for fees for DD and like another PP, my entire salary pays for fees (currently 1 nursery, 1 school but eventually both school) and DH earns enough to pay for everything else. I currently work PT but will be increasing my hours/work as fees go up with the intention of covering fees in full for the time they are in private education.

A huge proportion of children have fees paid for by grandparents; largely as a way to pass down the inheritance now rather than have it taxed later. The majority of parents in DD's class are professionals or run their own business.

@Trainfromredhill I was also independently educated (secondary) but not at a top big name schools. Pretty much all my school friends work in professions - dentists, doctors, teachers, pharmacists, finance - and these are the same professions most of our parents were in when we were at school. Difference being that our parents funded all including education on one income. None of us would be able to do this today.

Personally, I am paying to instil a love of learning, small class sizes and the confidence that comes with this in my children. I want them to believe they can do anything they want and they are in charge of their future. Not saying this can't be achieved in the state sector, it most certainly can but is harder and requires a lot more parental input imo

We're number 3. Our fees work out around £1800/month for 2 children. they are day pupils. We're not business owners, we don't have a property portfolio and the grandparents don't pay. We have a reasonable mortgage, our combined annual income is £150k before tax. My DH is a pilot, I'm Director level in private company.

The cost of private education can be spread across an entire generation, 25-30 years. If you think you might need 250k for a private education you could achieve that by investing about £400 a month, assuming a historically achievable return of ~7%.

This is one of the reasons why private education often runs in families and has multigenerational wealth supporting it.

Only 7% or 8% of UK children gets private education. Their parents would be top 7-8% earners.
With £100K pre-tax combined earnings and 2 children I would be looking to move close to a good state school.
Top universities (assuming this is the ultimate aim of education) give priorities to state educated children.

Interesting video here on planning for school fees and how you can spread the cost, if you are able to save in advance.

I just feel like the private school system is a from of abuse. Yes you are going to be for it if you can afford it. If you can afford it, it benefits you. It makes you feel good.

I have been made to feel like absolute shit by people who went to private school, several times in my life. It is a system absolutely designed to make people feel better than others.

I have met about five people who went to private school, and every one of them made me feel like shit. Some of them were outright abusive. I met all five through work and clubs. Four of them were so utterly abusive to me that I don't speak to them anymore.

I am still in contact with one of them through a book club. His life annoys me. He was privately educated in Ireland, he was captain of his college rugby team, his wealthy father got him a wealthy job. Him and all of his privately educated friends stick together and look down on everyone else. He had such an easy and privileged life . Which is ok but why can't everyone have it? I feel like his easy life, cons at the expense of making others suffer. Because how can you feel privileged, unless you make others suffer and feel left out? You have to have someone to feel better than.

I met up with him a while go (as we are in the same book club) and him and his friends exclude people from things, if they are not in the same social class. He will only hang around with privately educated , rugby people. He won't talk to other people unless he absolutely has to He makes other people feel like shit.

This has happened to me several times. I remember I used to be in a choir. One of the women in the choir was privately educated , and her father was a Doctor. She told me that she would not speak to me in the choir, because her father was a doctor and she was better than me. Abslutely true story.

I have definitely been made to feel like shit by privately educated people,lots of times.

Oh well. That is how the world is right now.

I also feel that some rich people have a complete lack of awareness of why some people are poor.

I remember when I was younger I had a very rich friend. She was much richer than me, but we were friends through a club. She said to me that her family was rich because her parents worked hard to be rich, and that poor people are lazy.

Which is not true. Poor people aren't poor because they are lazy. In my case for example, my father was quite wealthy, but when my parents divo he refused to give her any maintenance. So I then grew up in a single parent household and we were poor. No matter how hard my mother worked, we were poor.

Ive met loads of people who went to private school (i most certainly did not!) They are just normal people and i have never once felt partucularly put out by them.

My DC will go to state school, we earn well but I'm happy with the state options.

@Mooshamoo the more you post, the more it is clear you are projecting your insecurities and generalising your experiences across an entire country.

I have no doubt there is elitism and snobbery at the very top when looking at the top public schools. However, the majority of private schools do not fit into this category and are normal people.

DH was not privately educated - he went to a state comp in the roughest of areas. The majority of his peers did not consider university/further education as an option beyond 16 and when professionals such as pharmacist/accountant came to give a careers talk, they had never heard of the profession. (By comparison, those going to school in wealthy areas or private schools are looking at professional career options from a young age.)

Despite this, he went onto study at a red brick university and then secured a graduate position in finance with a prestigious firm. He was surrounded by privately educated people at university and in his graduate role (far more than 5 individuals) and not once did he describe feeling inferior or not fitting in. Fast forward 15 years and there is a 50/50 mix on whether they are sending their children to state or private.

I work in a role where there is a complete mix of private and state educated individuals and when I had my first grad job, we could not have worked out who came from where. We very much considered ourselves equal and supported each other in post grad qualifications and carving our own career paths.

@Mooshamoo im sorry that you’ve had such a negative experience of privately educated people. The truth is that most of us mix with people of similar socio-economic backgrounds, because it’s easier.

He had such an easy and privileged life . Which is ok but why can't everyone have it?

1. you don’t know his life is easy.
2. there are choices in life. If you choose to be a dog groomer or a nurse you aren’t going to be sending your children to private schools. If you are successful as a singer or an influencer or a TV personality you probably can. Choices are a factor, hard work is a factor, but really lots of it boils down to luck, starting with the parents you are born with.

We are 4,5&6.

We lived overseas and paid little tax, saved loads, came back and have no mortgage. DH works in high paying job (city of London finance) and DC1 has a triple scholarship and DC2 has a double scholarship meaning they both get -20% off fees.

If I had my time again, I wouldn’t go private. I would do what my friend did and move to a grammar school area and make sure they got in. My DC have done well, but I think they’d do that anywhere TBH. I only put them there due to lack of school places in the best state schools, and got offered 4th choice for secondary.

I thought it would be full of focused, hardworking students but it’s mostly children of snowflake parents who are too scared to put their little darlings into state.

@Mooshamoo ‘So I then grew up in a single parent household and we were poor. No matter how hard my mother worked, we were poor’.

me too. And I remember vowing to my teenage self that I wasn’t living like that as an adult and I wasn’t ever going to tell my children we couldn’t afford something. I often tell my children they aren’t having something. But it’s never because we can’t afford it.

@Trainfromredhill it's fine to say that it's all about life choices but in practice - rich people can easily be a dog groomer, run their own jewellery store, make cakes or whatever else it is. There is a vast economy of rich people buying other rich people's products supported by trust funds. Also people don't become single parents through choice.

I think geography also plays a role - e.g. cost of schools and housing. With one child - we could probably afford a nice house and to send our child private outside London. But here - we have to have a large mortgage plus fees are now 22-23k per year and rising. Am guessing that a lot of kids who historically would have gone private in London are now going state or their parents move out.

I also feel that some rich people have a complete lack of awareness of why some people are poor.

Yes most definitely they do - you only need to look at our politicians and their total lack of awareness to confirm it. However, I am struggling to understand how lack of awareness of poverty can be attributed to private education alone.

No but if others are practically bankrupting themselves to avoid the route we have been down and are perfectly happy with I find it puzzling!

@MsTSwift yes you will never know! School is not just about the grades! Plus, getting high grades doesnt mean you will be succesful in your future, career etc! My daughters can play 2 instruments one of them grade 6 another 5.They start swimming in age 3. They are really good at tennis netball and hockey. They currently learn latin, spanish and mandarin in the same time. They go to residental trips every year, so independent and confident. They have brilliant clubs like typing, coding and robot. And most importantly I love the environment no bullying and almost all parents care about the education so all kids focus on their learnings. They motivate each other to achieve better. I went to outstanding state school, I have really good results all 9S and 8s but if you asked me - I hated every minute of it!!!! Lots of bullying - I am bullied because I was doing my courseworks on the time!!!! I also remember I have been bullied because I didnt give my phone number to one in my class- just some examples. And I wasn’t only one who was dealing with that kind of thinks… Lots of disgusting arguments and most of the students were starting to date in year 8 and 9! Im not saying all state schools are like that. But there are more risk to be! I know some people going to say now I have been bullied in private etc.. yes, can happen but its more manageable! I know all member of staff in the school and parents so its so friendly atmosphere and if something happens they are there to help. But in state sector I remember nobody helped me. They were just giving detention to the person which was making them worser! All kids are deserves to be happy and needs to be happy to show their full potential so every single penny is worths to reduce the risk of unhappiest!

Sorry to say going private does not innoculate your child against bullying!

My girls do lots of sport and residentials / trips at their state school and are very happy there. It’s all girls so not much dating.

@MsTSwift

“Most people don't listen with the intent to understand; they listen with the intent to reply.” –Stephen R. Covey.

Have a lovely evening. And thanks for repeating what I have already mentioned in my previous comment.

I agree, but we were in the luxurious position of living in an area with good state schools.

My DC will go to state school, we earn well but I'm happy with the state options.

The last two things are probably linked - you earn well, so you live in a nice area where there are nice schools.

I have twins and they were both in independent school in the same time. It was hard, we coudnt save a penny for their deposit for their house or car etc. But now both of them finished their uni and earning more than me and their dad. They dont need our money anymore. They can easily buy their home. So I believe its worths!

In addition, if your income is not high you can apply for bursary - if your child is bright you can get academic scholarships or sport or music scholarship. So you can try dont give up just search everything before applying to the school. Hopefully you will be fine🙏🏻

In our case, if we can afford it, it will be due to long-term planning and investments. Once the youngest’s nursery fees end we will invest what we would have spent on nursery during primary to give us enough of a buffer to avoid paying two lots of school fees in parallel. Or at least that is the plan.. we’ll see how that works out.

@Mooshamoo True to some extent but not everyone was born into money. What about those who have been poor & understand full well that hard work doesn’t equal wealth.
In my own experience I would even say that the more you have the less hard you need to work. Wealth breeds wealth.

That said, I come across a lot of very bitter people who would like me to feel bad about what I have now. I don’t & I never will. Nor do I need to justify any of it with my history or why it’s deserved. It really makes no sense that poor people don’t want other poor people ever to have money. By that reasoning the class tier will forever remain stagnant.