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Original poster

Toddler hates nursery

37 replies

mayflower21 · 10/08/2022 15:01

Not sure if this is relevant section, but toddler due to start nursery in September. We tried in April but dropped as she hated it. She enjoyed adjustment sessions one to one with teachers, and generally enjoys being in adults company, but doesn't like other (young) children.
Wonder if anyone has had similar experiences and how did you cope?

OP posts:
gotelltheoldmandowntheroad · 10/08/2022 18:57

So, does he have to go or can she just not go to nursery?

I've worked in nurseries and schools where the children simply don't want to be there, they just cry, it's heart-breaking to be honest and the staff don't have the capacity to do anything about it.

MolliciousIntent · 10/08/2022 19:21

How old is she?

Original poster
mayflower21 · 10/08/2022 21:16

She doesn't have to... at least now, but I am looking for a job, so she might have to.
She's nearly 3.5

OP posts:
MolliciousIntent · 10/08/2022 21:20

Does she spend any time around other children apart from nursery?

If she doesn't like other kids, then surely nursery is really important? Unless you're planning on homeschooling?

Original poster
mayflower21 · 10/08/2022 21:44

@MolliciousIntent she doesn't spend much time around other children...
I won't give her a chance to develop social skills if I do homeschooling? She loves learning with me though and we do spend all day together.
I'm thinking maybe it's negative experience she's had with some toddlers who pushed and kicked. That has happened a few times but it's probably unavoidable?

OP posts:
MolliciousIntent · 10/08/2022 21:46

She needs to learn how to get along with other kids. So if you can't facilitate that at home, then she really should go to nursery. It's vital for her social development.

Abracadabra12345 · 10/08/2022 22:10

How long is her day and how often? A shorter day at preschool may be gentler. Don’t underestimate how busy and noisy nurseries (and preschools!) can be, which can be a shock to a child used to and preferring a quieter environment.

justasking111 · 10/08/2022 22:12

I used to pickup grandson a bit earlier. That helped I think

NerrSnerr · 10/08/2022 22:13

How is she with other children when you're there? At the park, soft play or toddler groups?

Is it the same nursery as April? Could it just be the setting?

Tee20x · 10/08/2022 22:14

How long did you try for before you dropped it - how do you know she hated it. Was that the feedback you got from the staff or was it just she cried at drop off etc?

3amAndImStillAwake · 10/08/2022 22:15

We tried in April but dropped as she hated it.

How long did you try for? What actually happened eg what did the staff say about how she was etc.

bbqhulahoop · 10/08/2022 22:33

Well.. sort of. DD liked the 1-1 time with adults at 12 months and hated other kids. 6 months on shell tolerate one child being near her, not the others, vit she is a timid little thing!

Original poster
mayflower21 · 10/08/2022 23:02

NerrSnerr · 10/08/2022 22:13

How is she with other children when you're there? At the park, soft play or toddler groups?

Is it the same nursery as April? Could it just be the setting?

On play dates she cries when she sees a familiar child, but then gets used to them and tolerates them sometimes plays a bit with them. But whenever you we ask her did you like it? She says no.
In nursery she starts crying when other children come to her.

OP posts:
Original poster
mayflower21 · 10/08/2022 23:03

Tee20x · 10/08/2022 22:14

How long did you try for before you dropped it - how do you know she hated it. Was that the feedback you got from the staff or was it just she cried at drop off etc?

Yes cried at drop off, I also saw her reaction to other children. She can speak quite well now so she tells she doesn't like the children, she likes the teachers

OP posts:
Original poster
mayflower21 · 10/08/2022 23:04

Abracadabra12345 · 10/08/2022 22:10

How long is her day and how often? A shorter day at preschool may be gentler. Don’t underestimate how busy and noisy nurseries (and preschools!) can be, which can be a shock to a child used to and preferring a quieter environment.

Very short. I always picked her up earlier, and dropped off later too

OP posts:
Confusedteatowel · 10/08/2022 23:06

How long did you try for? And how many days per week did she go?

Original poster
mayflower21 · 10/08/2022 23:06

3amAndImStillAwake · 10/08/2022 22:15

We tried in April but dropped as she hated it.

How long did you try for? What actually happened eg what did the staff say about how she was etc.

A few months, but shed always get sick after attending it. So we would now and then have about a week a longer break in between. I also think it was stressful to her so that added to feeling unwell

OP posts:
hockeygrass · 11/08/2022 10:57

It's important that you approach her nursery start in September with a positive attitude that this will work. It's only 1 year until she starts school and you will be applying for your Reception school place soon so you need to take on board that your dd needs to learn to socialise with her peer group and pull away from being with you. Ask the nursery to work with you. The best thing you can do for your dd is let her learn to play with other children.
Perhaps sign her up for ballet/ gym / swimming lessons to so it's something you can talk about and engage in together but with her being apart from you. Also start thinking about her 4th birthday party and who she could invite to your home.
Also you dd is now at pre-school age and not a toddler.

hockeygrass · 11/08/2022 11:06

Sorry to add you may have 2 years before school if she is just 3 but still you need to her get to socialise.

jammiewhammie65 · 11/08/2022 11:07

Three and a half ? You need to get her there to socialise Even more so if she doesn't like other children. ! How will she get on like that ? Send her. Lots of them cry but they get over it

MILLYmo0se · 11/08/2022 11:12

Re the dropping off part, depending on the routine and staffing you might actually be better dropping her early as possible, the room will be quieter and less frantic than dropping her in later when the room is full of busy noisey children.

Youcancallmeirrelevant · 11/08/2022 11:17

Criey she definitey needs nursery if thatvis her reaction to other kids, and you don't take her out to play/see other kids. Do you never do play dates with friends etc?

This is a really important skill your child needs to lwarn otherwise she is really going to struggle at school. How sad she doesn't have any friends!

RedWingBoots · 11/08/2022 11:20

I'm thinking maybe it's negative experience she's had with some toddlers who pushed and kicked.

Like a PP pointed out she is a pre-schooler though others at the nursery may not be. However due to her lack of socialisation she won't realise that children who especially those younger than her will push, kick and not share.

But whenever you we ask her did you like it? She says no.

Why are you asking this? My own DD will probably say "No" if I asked her. Instead she will say she doesn't like playing with a particular child even though I can see she was happily playing with them or get told they were as thick as thieves.

A few months, but shed always get sick after attending it.

It's normal for children to get sick in childcare settings for a good few months. If you don't send her now she will just be sick at school instead.

Anyway you need to send her. Drop her at the nursery as soon as it opens and pick her up slightly earlier the first week.

If there are any issues with her the nursery staff should flag it up.

BakewellGin1 · 11/08/2022 11:23

My two have gone to nursery regardless.
One from being 9 months so he didn't know any different.
Other from age 2. Cried at first going in for a while, took time for him to interact with other children or even play near them.
Started 3 year old nursery after Easter and now loves it and is learning to interact with others. The more he has gone the better he has been.

Thymeout · 11/08/2022 12:26

Back in the early '70s, when most mothers didn't work outside the home, there was v little chilcare available. Instead, there were 'playgroups': 2/3 times a week, for half a day,. They had to be 3 or over and toilet-trained, 9-12 or 1-4 max, not whole days.

This was the norm. Admittedly they didn't usually start school till the term in which they turned 5, but I'm not aware that it caused significant problems with un-socialised dcs.