Page 2 | Toddler hates nursery

mayflower21 · 2022-08-10T14:01:24+00:00

Not sure if this is relevant section, but toddler due to start nursery in September. We tried in April but dropped as she hated it. She enjoyed adjustment sessions one to one with teachers, and generally enjoys being in adults company, but doesn't like other (young) children. Wonder if anyone has had similar experiences and how did you cope?

RedWingBoots · 11/08/2022 13:02

Thymeout · 11/08/2022 12:26

Back in the early '70s, when most mothers didn't work outside the home, there was v little chilcare available. Instead, there were 'playgroups': 2/3 times a week, for half a day,. They had to be 3 or over and toilet-trained, 9-12 or 1-4 max, not whole days.

This was the norm. Admittedly they didn't usually start school till the term in which they turned 5, but I'm not aware that it caused significant problems with un-socialised dcs.

We are over 40 years on from the 1970s and in a different century so I'm not sure how your post helps the OP especially when she will need to look for a job.

carseatproblem · 11/08/2022 13:42

I think you did the right thing taking her out OP. You’re in a lucky position that if you do want to try again you can take it slowly if you don’t have a job at the current time.

i would suggest in the next few weeks trying to get out a bit more so that she can maybe see other children (at the park perhaps so she doesn’t have to interact but they are nearby) just to get her confidence up with you there as her secure base.

When it comes to nursery shorter sessions maybe a good idea again and see how you go.

some of my children were very similar to this and we had some struggles. You sound lovely and very responsive to your daughters needs. Also remember that when they are so young a few month can make a huge difference so she may be ready now whereas in April she just wasn’t

we needed to HE one of our dc and there are plenty of opportunities to socialise so if you ever take that path don’t worry !

good luck

Original poster

mayflower21 · 11/08/2022 17:06

carseatproblem · 11/08/2022 13:42

I think you did the right thing taking her out OP. You’re in a lucky position that if you do want to try again you can take it slowly if you don’t have a job at the current time.

i would suggest in the next few weeks trying to get out a bit more so that she can maybe see other children (at the park perhaps so she doesn’t have to interact but they are nearby) just to get her confidence up with you there as her secure base.

When it comes to nursery shorter sessions maybe a good idea again and see how you go.

some of my children were very similar to this and we had some struggles. You sound lovely and very responsive to your daughters needs. Also remember that when they are so young a few month can make a huge difference so she may be ready now whereas in April she just wasn’t

we needed to HE one of our dc and there are plenty of opportunities to socialise so if you ever take that path don’t worry !

good luck

Thank you for the supportive message. Yes I hope she will be able to cope better and even enjoy she has since had a big leap in development and hopefully will settle better this time.
I was thinking maybe just doing childminder instead (haven't tried it yet) smaller setting but still regular socialising

OP posts:

RedWingBoots · 11/08/2022 17:30

I was thinking maybe just doing childminder instead (haven't tried it yet) smaller setting but still regular socialising

I'm one of these weird parents who uses a CM and a nursery. DD started of at a CM PT when she was under 1, then when she got to 3 she started at nursery so now she spends 5 days in childcare.

What I noticed for when she started at the CM there were children who spent their time in a mixture of CM and nursery, which is part of the reason we decided to do it as well. My CM tends have 0 to 5 other children during term time, and the school aged children will play with the younger ones after school. So if your child likes interacting with older children you should look for this.

One of the many things you need to check is to ensure that the CM only drops off and picks up from one school, and if possible does it on foot to the nearest school. This is to ensure you DD doesn't spend an hour in the car twice a day.

Oh and both CM and nursery follow the EYFS.

YourWinter · 11/08/2022 17:37

She isn’t a toddler at 3 1/2, she’s a pre-school child. You’ll be thinking about primary schools as you’ll have to apply for a place next year. If your preferred primary has a pre-school attached or feeding to it, can you get her in from September, even just a couple of mornings, and increase her sessions from January? Preschool isn’t the same as a childcare day nursery setting, and fairly hopeless hours if you want to work, but it may suit her much better and at least she’ll have a chance to make friends with some of the children she’ll be starting in reception class with following year.

Original poster

mayflower21 · 11/08/2022 19:41

YourWinter · 11/08/2022 17:37

She isn’t a toddler at 3 1/2, she’s a pre-school child. You’ll be thinking about primary schools as you’ll have to apply for a place next year. If your preferred primary has a pre-school attached or feeding to it, can you get her in from September, even just a couple of mornings, and increase her sessions from January? Preschool isn’t the same as a childcare day nursery setting, and fairly hopeless hours if you want to work, but it may suit her much better and at least she’ll have a chance to make friends with some of the children she’ll be starting in reception class with following year.

Thanks for your reply. How is pre school different from nursery? I tried to read up on it and what I gathered is that there is better ratio of teacher to children in nurseries so each child gets more attention?

OP posts:

Original poster

mayflower21 · 11/08/2022 19:42

RedWingBoots · 11/08/2022 17:30

I was thinking maybe just doing childminder instead (haven't tried it yet) smaller setting but still regular socialising

I'm one of these weird parents who uses a CM and a nursery. DD started of at a CM PT when she was under 1, then when she got to 3 she started at nursery so now she spends 5 days in childcare.

What I noticed for when she started at the CM there were children who spent their time in a mixture of CM and nursery, which is part of the reason we decided to do it as well. My CM tends have 0 to 5 other children during term time, and the school aged children will play with the younger ones after school. So if your child likes interacting with older children you should look for this.

One of the many things you need to check is to ensure that the CM only drops off and picks up from one school, and if possible does it on foot to the nearest school. This is to ensure you DD doesn't spend an hour in the car twice a day.

Oh and both CM and nursery follow the EYFS.

Yes that was my thinking that she might like older kids better with childminder! Thanks for the helpful tip re school pick up and drop offs!

OP posts:

HSKAT · 11/08/2022 20:02

It's hard when they first start but it does get easier.
Her being ill all the time is sadly just part of the course of nursery, it's a PITA.

My son didn't mix with other kids due to lockdown so he started not having any interaction with children. He absolutely loves any little person he sees. It is honestly so good for them.

I think you need to be abit persistent with it, make it exciting for her.

Lady1576 · 11/08/2022 20:26

Yep, my 2.5 year old isn’t super keen on the other children at nursery. He says that they are loud and hit (he admits to hitting at home but says he doesn’t hit at nursery). He liked the baby room (lots of toys and adult company) but finds the boys in the toddler room boisterous compared to himself. He is quite sensitive & gentle at times. However, he is adjusting to it. Yesterday he was sad and very affected by being told off at nursery but then today he was in on a joke with the other boys and loved this feeling…. He didn’t want to come home!! He’s still clearly a quieter kind of boy but he’s getting more interested in other children (likes younger and older but not too comfortable with his own age yet). We do play dates with nct friends but he is reserved compared to them. I think with time it’ll get easier…. The staff will support your daughter until she is able to interact better with other children… I think it’s good to start working on this now but I wouldn’t take the horrified comments on here seriously…. Just because we in the UK are very set up for 2 full time parents working, doesn’t make it universally true that all children must be ‘socialised’ at 3! Other countries like the US have lots of homeschooling; European children mostly start later and in some cases are given an extra year to mature if they are not socially / emotionally ready for school. It’s not seen as a big problem. Given the way school is here, I’d work to help your daughter get used to being in bigger groups but please don’t feel like there is something wrong with her. She’s most likely got much better behaviour and social skills on some levels than some of the ‘nursery’ children.

Original poster

mayflower21 · 11/08/2022 23:57

Lady1576 · 11/08/2022 20:26

Yep, my 2.5 year old isn’t super keen on the other children at nursery. He says that they are loud and hit (he admits to hitting at home but says he doesn’t hit at nursery). He liked the baby room (lots of toys and adult company) but finds the boys in the toddler room boisterous compared to himself. He is quite sensitive & gentle at times. However, he is adjusting to it. Yesterday he was sad and very affected by being told off at nursery but then today he was in on a joke with the other boys and loved this feeling…. He didn’t want to come home!! He’s still clearly a quieter kind of boy but he’s getting more interested in other children (likes younger and older but not too comfortable with his own age yet). We do play dates with nct friends but he is reserved compared to them. I think with time it’ll get easier…. The staff will support your daughter until she is able to interact better with other children… I think it’s good to start working on this now but I wouldn’t take the horrified comments on here seriously…. Just because we in the UK are very set up for 2 full time parents working, doesn’t make it universally true that all children must be ‘socialised’ at 3! Other countries like the US have lots of homeschooling; European children mostly start later and in some cases are given an extra year to mature if they are not socially / emotionally ready for school. It’s not seen as a big problem. Given the way school is here, I’d work to help your daughter get used to being in bigger groups but please don’t feel like there is something wrong with her. She’s most likely got much better behaviour and social skills on some levels than some of the ‘nursery’ children.

Thank you @Lady1576. Everything you described about your son is very similar to my daughter at this stage. She might get comfortable with a child at the end of the day, but next time they meet she isn't excited 😆
Agree that in many countries it's a norm they start socialising in such settings later.

OP posts:

Original poster

mayflower21 · 12/08/2022 00:00

HSKAT · 11/08/2022 20:02

It's hard when they first start but it does get easier.
Her being ill all the time is sadly just part of the course of nursery, it's a PITA.

My son didn't mix with other kids due to lockdown so he started not having any interaction with children. He absolutely loves any little person he sees. It is honestly so good for them.

I think you need to be abit persistent with it, make it exciting for her.

I do wonder if that was effect of lockdown on her ... she didn't mind playing with other children when she was younger, maybe she was less conscious then

OP posts:

TizerorFizz · 12/08/2022 08:55

@mayflower21
Shes spent all that time with you and she wants you!!! It’s hardly surprising is it? That’s what she’s accustomed too. So look at a pre school attached to the school and get her name down. Try a childminder first. If you can find one with a space! Look at schools. Where might she go? Plan for that with choice of pre school.

Ensuring your child can cope with learning prior to school is important. You are not abroad, you are here. So it’s a case of fitting in here.

My DDs were never excited to see other children at that age! Children don’t make friends usually at that age! They play alongside others but frequently not collaboratively. They do, however, learn to navigate other children and enjoy the craft and other activities on offer. They have to listen to staff and follow instructions. So great practice for school.

As she’s older now she will probably be ok. My youngest DD wasn’t happy when going to first nursery we chose. The pre school at 3.5 was entirely different. She liked it. DD1 was confident everywhere from day 1. They are different children with different needs but you do have to persevere snd don’t keep asking if she’s happy. Praise her art and craft! Try and talk to other mums so you can meet up for playing.

The reason play groups started in the uk 50 years ago was because they are beneficial. We actually had loads in the war so women could work! So start again and be positive.