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Education

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Original poster

Moving DD from private to state school

33 replies

Charl1e36 · 06/03/2022 21:21

My DD is in yr 8 and has been in private school since she was 7 yrs old. We moved her older sister as the local school didn’t suit her and thought we should do the same for my youngest. She had a few ups and downs in junior school but eventually settled. Now she is very unhappy as she is being bullied. She was part of the group but got poorly in October and since then has been bullied both in and out of school by her classmates. We encouraged her to find new friends and she has a few but they are not in her class. We informed the school who spoke to the girls involved and now they are just talking about her behind her back. She is desperate to move to the local state school where she has friends and they have 1 place that she could have but she would need to move now. Problem is my husband thinks she should wait to see if it improves as in yr 9 the class will change. I don’t know what to do for the best! I hate seeing her unhappy but also don’t want to make the wrong decision. Anyone have any advice?!

OP posts:

Duracellbunnywannabe · 06/03/2022 21:23

How/why will the class change in year 9?

ManxRhyme · 06/03/2022 21:23

Move her! Unless the local state school is terrible academically it makes no sense to leave her there. You are paying for her to be miserable.

Elnetthairnet · 06/03/2022 21:24

Move her. She wants to move. Don’t make her stay somewhere she is unhappy.

fineappleglasgow · 06/03/2022 21:24

Sorry your DD is going through this.

I would agree that is sensible to move her. It's been going on for several months, hasn't gotten better and the input from the school hasn't been effective.

I think it's also important that your daughter feels heard and listened to by you both about how distressing this is, when the school haven't helped.

I would take the state school place as soon as possible before it goes.

Awrite · 06/03/2022 21:24

Move her.

I moved my youngest due to bullying. State to state though.

My only regret was not doing it earlier. Dh had been against the move.

He has thrived since the move.

NiceTwin · 06/03/2022 21:26

Move her.
It's awful to dread going to school.

loveisagirlnameddaisy · 06/03/2022 21:27

@Duracellbunnywannabe

How/why will the class change in year 9?

Private schools usually have another intake at y9 so there will be new children joining the class. Although there may only be a handful depending on school numbers

Piggy42 · 06/03/2022 21:29

I’d move her. Use the savings for tutoring if necessary/extra-curriculars and just try to cement new friendship groups

Duracellbunnywannabe · 06/03/2022 21:36

So the same girls but more too. I would move her then.

Prettynails · 06/03/2022 21:39

Move now else you lose the place

SorryPardonWhat · 06/03/2022 21:43

I would move her. I have one DD in private and one in state. I never thought I'd have children in different schools but they are where they are happiest. I firmly believe happiness leads to better learning as well as all the other benefits.

So I'd move your DD, and if it doesn't work out for her she can easily move straight back to her original private school.

Saffy321 · 06/03/2022 21:45

That's awful OP, whether you move her or not - tomorrow morning insist on a meeting with the head and explain exactly what is going on. I know in my DD's (private) school the slightest hint of bullying - if the parent complains strongly then the whole year gets a strong talking to, you have to be 'that' parent in these cases.

CustardyCreams · 06/03/2022 21:49

Move her. A whole year of being bullied will do so much damage, give her a fresh start.

ElephantLover · 06/03/2022 21:50

I have learnt the hard way that mental health is more important than everything else. I'd move her if she was unhappy - unless the state school in question is terrible

GandTfortea · 06/03/2022 21:58

Well ,no school that let my child be bullied would get a penny out of me
Vote with your purse

Zilla1 · 06/03/2022 22:24

Perhaps ask the school to move classes now to preempt the Y9 shuffle and if they refuse then leave. How long did it take you to decide to move your eldest and how long has the younger been unhappy at the school?

mdh2020 · 06/03/2022 22:25

It won’t improve and moving her is the best thing you could do. PRivate schools just don’t seem to be able to deal with bullying properly.

BOOTS52 · 06/03/2022 22:38

I would move her and wish had done so with my child back in the day. Go with your gut instinct as a parent as you know her best. Shocking how some kids are but then you see their parents and see where they get their meanness from. Hope it gets sorted as horrible when your child is going through that.

Greattimestroubledtimes · 06/03/2022 23:13

I think step one is to talk to the school tomorrow and explain pretty much what you have said here. Then decide.

The only other thing to check are GCSE options - make sure the subjects work for her too.

But girls are at their utter worst in ur 8 and if your daughter wants to move - it takes a lot - then I would do it

TracyMosby · 06/03/2022 23:15

Can they not mover her class?

Original poster

Charl1e36 · 07/03/2022 07:28

Thanks for all your messages, they said they would move class as a last resort but DD says that will make it worse and the whole year will call her names and talk about her, as that’s what happened to another girl that moved last year. She thinks the majority of the girls in her year are not nice so even if the classes get mixed in yr 9, nothing will change. I just worry that because she has had a bad time of it that can’t see any positives or that it might get better.

OP posts:

xraydelta · 07/03/2022 15:30

Sounds rotten. Poor thing.

Have you given notice yet?

The norm is at least a term, so you'll be paying schools fees until the end of the summer term regardless of a move now or later.

In my experience, making it clear you will be handing in notice will make them jump VERY quickly to move classes and act about this.

It's up to her then if she wants to or not. And you need to judge if a state school place will come up later or not.

Ncwinc · 07/03/2022 15:47

’DD says that will make it worse and the whole year will call her names and talk about her, as that’s what happened to another girl that moved last year’

If your DD is right then it doesn’t sounds like a great environment, whether that’s down to your DD’s year being particularly difficult or the school’s response to bullying.

I think you should listen to your DD. What’s the point in paying fees for her to be miserable?

3peassuit · 07/03/2022 15:51

I would move her. If you do it now she will have a chance to settle into her new school before she makes her GCSE choices in year 9.

Ncwinc · 07/03/2022 15:52

How would she describe her time in junior school?

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