The Public School ‘Secrets’

[DadAManger]

Does anyone else have some experience of one of the top 9 public schools as a parent and feel they are beginning to understand the secrets of such institutions? What I observe (broadly) is:

1 - Incredible resources and facilities, which allow the pupils to receive very high standards of teaching and to try lots of different activities and pursue them as far as they possibly can
2 - A no-hiding culture - everyone must contribute to their (small) classes, do serious amounts of additional study, undertake several assignments per week, do activities each day (four activities per week). Everyone - no exceptions
3 - An expectation of excellence and a mindset that the best is expected from everyone each day. Successes are publicly celebrated swiftly
4 - A camaraderie among the boarding houses that is actively encouraged, so that close friendships are quickly formed
5 - Extras such as speaking assignments, debating teams, moots - all of which are aimed at increasing confidence
6 - The PLU factor. Children from similar backgrounds (regardless of nationality) and supportive parents that expect the best to be provided

I did not attend such a school myself, so I notice the differences between my DD’s school and my own rather starkly and find it interesting .

Any other parents observe the above or see other things I have missed?

Philandbill

Again, it's money and resources.
The public school has a mixed academic intake. It has 8 sets per subject, the top sets having a max of 15 pupils, the bottom sets have 4, sometimes fewer pupils. Does the comp have that many classrooms and teachers?? No way. If the comp could take a class of 4 or 3 un motivated pupils on their own, the teachers could probably turn them around - like they can in the rich public schools. Trying to do that in a class with 20+ other pupils who need your attention is impossible.

It's not that public schools have "secrets", it's just that they can afford to let the teachers do their jobs effectively, in a pleasant environment.

[quote Placido]@SW1amp
One of the things I find most bizarre and worrying about having gone to a public school myself, is that the moment that someone who also went to one of those schools wheedles out of me that I did, they accept me completely, 100% and are delighted to meet me. It wouldn’t matter what my personality is like - I am in. I find it very strange. I could be a mass murderer or a really unpleasant character but they don’t give a jot, they light up. No wonder there is so much low level corruption in our country with a bunch like our current politicians in power. We had a house viewing the other day and I swear when they workedout my husband went to Eton we could have upped the price - the look in their eyes changed, almost like the house looked different to them. Very, very odd. I suppose when you are part of such a tiny minority you are comforted by finding your own type - whereas husband and I have spent our lives trying to distance ourselves from the nonsense of it all.[/quote]
Yes indeed. The chumocracy is alive and well.

I've taught in a well known private, a cheaper private day school, an international school and now a tricky state comp.
In the first three I've been able to do my job well because I had enough resources, manageable class sizes and generally good behaviour. In the state comp I've got more kids than I can fit in the room properly in some classes, resources that are on their last legs, some terrible behaviour alongside social problems and the fear of ofsted breathing down the necks of SLT. No secret, just more money and a selective intake.

@CaptainChannel

I've taught in a well known private, a cheaper private day school, an international school and now a tricky state comp. In the first three I've been able to do my job well because I had enough resources, manageable class sizes and generally good behaviour. In the state comp I've got more kids than I can fit in the room properly in some classes, resources that are on their last legs, some terrible behaviour alongside social problems and the fear of ofsted breathing down the necks of SLT. No secret, just more money and a selective intake.

@CaptainChannel - maybe you are currently teaching at my old comprehensive…it all sounds rather familiar to me.

@Placido I am intrigued to know how they worked out that your husband went to Eton?

@Philandbill school related photos! They wouldn’t have known I don’t think unless they went there (the man did) as wasn’t a main school photo.

Until recently (and hopefully they have now stopped), Eton would read out everyone’s exam results in public, from bottom to top. The bottom five were designated as “ATF”, or absolute total failure. The next ones were “total failure”. You pay a lot of money for that shit.

@AtillatheHun my DH still has horrid memories of ‘the list’.

And wasn’t just exams think it was a monthly thing. He managed to go from top third to near the bottom over the years as his confidence was crushed (and as he discovered the naughty side of school life!!)

So awful he has his wall game (or whatever) photos up on display in your house?

No not wall game he says he was useless at that! It was another sport which he loved - he might have distanced himself from the icky side of being known as an OE (no boast photos on the loo wall!) however like most people he has lovely memories of playing sport with his friends and likes that one photo on a shelf amongst our other lovely memories of life. You alright with that?!!

@Placido

No not wall game he says he was useless at that! It was another sport which he loved - he might have distanced himself from the icky side of being known as an OE (no boast photos on the loo wall!) however like most people he has lovely memories of playing sport with his friends and likes that one photo on a shelf amongst our other lovely memories of life. You alright with that?!!

Happens easily - it doesn’t have to be that the photos are ‘advertising’ the fact that he is an OE. At the other end of the spectrum, I remember going to a dinner party where the husband had artfully arranged copies of his Oxford University alumni magazine on the coffee table AND in the guest loo. It was literally impossible to miss them.

One of the parents in my class uses her @stanford email address for correspondence about lost skirts and PTA fundraisers. It is eyeroll to the very max (as is the one who named the cat after the institution her husband did his MBA at.)

You were surprised that a budget per pupil of 15 grand a term buys you better facilities and smaller classes than a budget per pupil of 5,000 pounds a year?

I went to Oxbridge from a comprehensive school and work in a sector dominated by the privately educated, and hardly anyone I know who went to public school is happy and comfortable in themselves despite their success and apparent self-confidence. Some are clearly very damaged.

@AsCoolAsKimDeal yes many of our friends were quite damaged by the boarding experience as were we. The ones who thrived were massively extroverted and self assured before they arrived. For a more introverted child it can be a horrible experience.

I think we have to be careful about generalising. I’m sure we can all point to people that didn’t enjoy the boarding school experience. Certain people from my comprehensive have gone on to a life of crime and had problems with drugs and similar, but they are not representative of my school.

A number of my friends went to well known public schools as boarders and are very well-adjusted and successful people without ‘damage’. Only one of them could be described as a natural extrovert. The others are definitely not.

I also think these schools have changed over the years (as has my old comprehensive, I’m sure).

I don't think you have to attend private school to see this. Plenty of kids at our local state schools with parents of very similar mindset, kids expected to push themselves, lots of extra curricular activities and focus and drive.

I think the famous schools and oxbridge represent a kind of fantasy in people's mind about which they can feel a range of things- excited, scathing, enraged, envious and so on.

Perhaps they are a kind of peg that certain types of feelings can be hung on.

If you go to one of those schools or to oxbridge - it isn't the fantasy, it is just your life. You still have to get up go to the loo brush your teeth do work you don't want to do and try to get on with people that piss you off. There are still cold wet November days and your boyfriend can still dump you. You can still do rubbish in an exam and wish you were elsewhere.

Which are these top 9 schools?

@NinetyNineRedBalloonsGoBy

PLU is such a hideously divisive phrase. Surely if nothing else the pandemic has taught us that EVERYONE is "PLU". I've never met any parent, however poor, who doesn't want the best for their kids.

What is PLU?

DadAManger which are these top 9 schools?

DH went to one of these 'top 9' schools (not boarding), though he says he's never heard it referred to in that way, assuming OP means the Clarendon Schools.

DH would say he had a brilliant time, with a ridiculous range of extracurricular activities on offer, but he isn't convinced that the teaching or academic provision was in any way particularly special.

6. Needing to be ‘spoon fed’ more than those who have had less intensive teaching/tutoring/structure to support them

@PiffleWiffleWoozle it's a bit of a standing joke at DD's university that the only catered halls at her university have a significant number of ex private school/boarding school students.

@CovoidOfAllHumanity

I guess I'm not allowed to say

Only taking very clever kids in the first place
Weeding out any not making the grade on a regular basis
Charging eye watering fees such that supa doopa facilities can be afforded and getting donations etc on top
Knowing that parents will often pay for tutoring on top

It doesn't seem a very tough ask to get great exam results in those circumstances

But I don't have the relevant experience to answer this thread really
Not PLU you see
I know some people who went to these schools and some people whose kids go there if that counts.

Add on using charitable status to maximise income.