The Public School ‘Secrets’

[DadAManger]

Does anyone else have some experience of one of the top 9 public schools as a parent and feel they are beginning to understand the secrets of such institutions? What I observe (broadly) is:

1 - Incredible resources and facilities, which allow the pupils to receive very high standards of teaching and to try lots of different activities and pursue them as far as they possibly can
2 - A no-hiding culture - everyone must contribute to their (small) classes, do serious amounts of additional study, undertake several assignments per week, do activities each day (four activities per week). Everyone - no exceptions
3 - An expectation of excellence and a mindset that the best is expected from everyone each day. Successes are publicly celebrated swiftly
4 - A camaraderie among the boarding houses that is actively encouraged, so that close friendships are quickly formed
5 - Extras such as speaking assignments, debating teams, moots - all of which are aimed at increasing confidence
6 - The PLU factor. Children from similar backgrounds (regardless of nationality) and supportive parents that expect the best to be provided

I did not attend such a school myself, so I notice the differences between my DD’s school and my own rather starkly and find it interesting .

Any other parents observe the above or see other things I have missed?

The thing I have found from both being at a Top 10 school and now my DD going is the sense of duty.

There is a strong sense that you are privileged and should give back to your team, house, community and country.

The boarding thing also fosters a sense of independence, far from the individual snowflake attitude, I would argue it's about inner strength and knowing oneself.
Of course there are a plethora of spoilt dickheads, but there are dickheads in any school.

BTW I fucking HATE the term PLU, especially as I am a pierced, tattoo-ed writer, married to a boy from the rough end of Wembley. There aren't many 'u's at our kid's school!

Just wow. I think anyone with a child in the ‘top 9’ as you put it will run a mile from your thread.
So from my cohort at my top private school we ended up with one person in a job of note, the vast majority in very mediocre careers, a drug dealer, someone who went to prison for assault and quite a few people who needed therapy.
PLU - what the actual f**k. If living in 2021 has taught you anything surely it is that people are individuals, with their own unique character. My friends child at a top prep is non binary and the school are being amazing because unlike you they realise that it is our difference that matters not our likeness.

My small anecdotal contribution, from years of working alongside women from these kinds of schools in the City, forming friendships with them and seeing friends’ older daughters pass through them, is a higher than average occurrence of self-harm and eating disorders. But, whatever - grades, Oxbridge.

@SW1amp
One of the things I find most bizarre and worrying about having gone to a public school myself, is that the moment that someone who also went to one of those schools wheedles out of me that I did, they accept me completely, 100% and are delighted to meet me. It wouldn’t matter what my personality is like - I am in. I find it very strange. I could be a mass murderer or a really unpleasant character but they don’t give a jot, they light up. No wonder there is so much low level corruption in our country with a bunch like our current politicians in power. We had a house viewing the other day and I swear when they workedout my husband went to Eton we could have upped the price - the look in their eyes changed, almost like the house looked different to them. Very, very odd. I suppose when you are part of such a tiny minority you are comforted by finding your own type - whereas husband and I have spent our lives trying to distance ourselves from the nonsense of it all.

how would we know if we had a child at one of these top nine schools? Is there a list?

You didn’t click my link, then?

@Placido

I agree

It is probably the constant way in which tribalism is encouraged throughout school life
Loyalty to your house, your house grouping, your school, plus the general them vs us of boarding/private schools in general

If anything, the more vitriolic the attack against private schools, be it a thread on here or a labour manifesto pledge, the more robust the defence

If anyone really want to dismantle the system, they would do it ever so slowly without any references to unfairness because as soon as the usual arguments are trotted out, the full defence is mounted, and it’s often a lot more persuasive than the argument to abolish the system because it is so passionately argued!

@LemonWeb

how would we know if we had a child at one of these top nine schools? Is there a list?

If you don’t know, then you don’t!

Not that I care: what’s important is that my children attend the right schools for them, rather than be part of a rat race of vicarious parental competition. One of the lovely things about the schools my children attend is that there seem to be a real range of parents - we all care about our children’s education but come from different places, professions and backgrounds. One of my dc is at a public school and another is at a state grammar. The public school is fantastic with bursaries which helps boys with a wider range of backgrounds attend. I don’t encounter the views of the OP in the other parents I know there.

The advantages for us are that DS can pursue his main interest (it’s a bit niche but his school will allow him to develop in it whereas most other schools don’t offer it) and he’s thriving in a busy boarding environment. My other DS at a state grammar prefers being a day boy and is thriving in the community of his school. I expect I’m not what the OP would see as a ‘PLU’ but I expect his DC isn’t at Eton with my DS.

From the link given::

its usage was formalised by the Public Schools Act 1868,[2][3] which put into law most recommendations of the 1864 Clarendon Report. Nine prestigious schools were investigated by Clarendon, and seven subsequently reformed by the Act: Eton, Shrewsbury, Harrow, Winchester, Rugby, Westminster, and Charterhouse. Apparently the other two investigated were day schools-
St Paul's and Merchant Taylors'.

Further on in that link it says
In 1893 Edward Arnold published a book entitled Great Public Schools with a chapter on each of Eton, Harrow, Charterhouse, Cheltenham, Rugby, Clifton, Westminster, Marlborough, Haileybury, and Winchester. Although there are 10 so not the nine alluded to.

So perhaps the PP who asked if there was a list should not have been put down quite so quickly - perhaps their child is at Radley? I would define that as a public school but not if one only goes by the Clarendon Report!

PLU.... 🤢
My two are at the local "bog standard comprehensive". They are doing perfectly well academically, but also learn the really important stuff about people not like us - who don't have our privileges and who have different world views or different challenges. They have friends from many different backgrounds.
The absolute last thing on god's earth I would want for myself or for my kids would be to mix only with PLU.
A few of my male friends went to schools like the one mentioned by the op - as boarders - and have spent the rest of their lives dealing with the personal fallout. Everyone one of them has sent their children to a state school, bar one, who homeschools.

I went to a leading independent day school and my kids have done a mixture of state and private.

There is absolutely nothing in that post or from what I’ve seen working with people who attended those schools which makes me think it’s in any kind of way aspirational for our family and if we wanted to we could fund it.

I’m the PP who asked if there was a list precisely because I didn’t believe that there was a commonly recognised ‘top 9 public schools’ and thought the OP had made it up. And my DS is at Eton not Ridley (although I know a family with children there and it suits them very well).

One of the reasons why I chose to send my dc to a state school rather than private was the PLY factor.

I'm not sure that PLU is confined to the likes of public schools / toffs. For example, isn't it what faith schools are all about?

I think that PLU is a probably what’s behind most of the parent cliques you find at all sorts of schools.

PLU?

The few people I know who have been to a top boarding school send their own kids to their nearest state school.

Money buys advantage. That isn't really a secret.

Well, my DH attended one of the ‘Top 9’ public schools and was bullied almost to the point of a nervous breakdown. If that’s ‘People Like Us’, excuse me if I don’t want anything to do with them.

@LemonWeb - thankfully Eton C has substantially changed in the last 15 years, for the better. Many “self appointed” “PLU”s
are thankfully self selecting their DCs out due to what I see as very positive changes.

Some of DH’s fellow pupils also had the delightful habit of referring to local state school kids as ‘plebs’. That’s what the ‘PLU’ attitude gets you.

What’s the balance of boys to girls places in the schools Clarendon considered ‘top’ at that time?

I think there are some great advantages to high fee paying schools but also some disadvantages and it depends what you and your child find important in life and helpful to learn and be happy and well.

For balance some of the disadvantages I have noticed from myself and peers who have attended a range of the top schools:

1. Feeling a failure if they haven’t become PM/started a hedge fund by a certain age
2. Boys from Eton and Harrow in particular who seem to have real issues talking to/relating to women. Some of them got better after they married/had kids
3. Parents feeling disappointed they paid huge fees vs other friends who went to non fee-paying schools and ended up with similar or better university places/jobs
4. Kids from hugely privileged families feeling like their (massive) house ‘isn’t big enough’ etc due to others having a bigger one and a private jet
5. Issues with drugs (could happen in any school I guess but there’s more money)
6. Needing to be ‘spoon fed’ more than those who have had less intensive teaching/tutoring/structure to support them. This is quite stark at university/early grad level in some of the top unis and an issue in recruitment. Not every child some are more proactive by nature but it’s a definite difference

Personally I would still consider all schools that fell within possible budget, but I wouldn’t start with the assumption the school’s OP describes as ‘top’ are the best ones to go to. Depends on a lot of things (of which obviously £££ is one).

@bookworm14
I think that goes all ways. I was called some pretty horrid names for going to a public school - toff etc. I came from a very normal background and parents state educated so people were making a judgement based on my school not who I actually was (school fees paid by company as we were expats).
That said I am very glad not to put my children up for that type of name calling - they are very happy being schooled in the same way as 93% of the population, there is a comfort in being part of a majority I know. Just hope they never call people toffs - not sure that word exists anymore?

@Sunnyfreezesushi

So I am going to add to the negative lists, if the child doesn’t fit SEN, grades not met for Sixth Form, poor behaviour, mental health problems = managed out. State sixth forms do also have grade requirements especially eg grammars but they are absolutely not allowed to discriminate based on SEN. Also look at what happened to St Olaves - a state grammar - a few years ago. Huge press attention because some boys didn’t make it into the sixth form and the headmaster applied his own discretion/policies too firmly. Yet in independent schools that it routine business.

Public school parent here. They ARE regulated by OFSTED, they all have Ofsted reports just like state schools that you can view on their websites, in addition, they are also regulated by the Independent Schools Inspectorate (ISI).

My dc has SEN with MH problems and he is not the only one at his school with SEN. His school has bent over backwards to help him since we hinted he might come to the school and they have not relented since he joined. Their support has been fantastic. It’s a public school.

Of course not every independent school is supportive of SEN but neither is every state school. Let’s not pretend state schools are some kind of hidden haven of peace for dc with SEN and please do your homework in future before posting baseless information.

@Tryo Just looked up DH’s old school Eton ofsted site and they say that the school is now only checked by ISI. Could you point me to where I find Ofsted reports for public schools please? You seem to have posted something erroneous when you say
‘They all have ofsted reports like state schools and you can see them on their websites’. Hoping you are not posting baseless information yourself like you accused @Sunnyfreezesushi of doing!