I know it’s been done to death a bit, but private schools

[ImARedCat]

We’ve seen a house we love, but the schools aren’t brilliant (dc are preschoolers so not an issue yet.)

I really like the house but I think husband is put off because of the schools.

I don’t know if private is an option. On paper it is, although it would mean I’d effectively be working for nothing, but would they be the poor children? It’s such a lot of money … is it worth it?

Welcome all thoughts.

I think primary is best because if basic foundation level learning has holes in its it can cause massive issues further down the line.

eg my dd left our first Indi at at the end of year 2, I had realised that the academic side to the school was lacking but didn't realise how much till she started Prep in Y3. We had to do a lot of catch up to get to where her peers are and its took her a year. I was absolutely raging at our old Indi.

From our experience of three private schools, you wouldn't be the "poor" family. Yes, there are very well off people, but there are also others making a big financial sacrifice and being careful with their money. Plus the kids on bursaries (which are a higher proportion than you'd think).

In terms of ethnic diversity, it's actually lower at our local state schools than private. My (white) kids were in an ethnic minority of about 5% at their prep school and there's a wide mix at their secondary school.

We have excellent local state schools so it was a tough choice. Both of my sons are sports mad so love the level and quality of training plus the number of fixtures. On that basis, we've probably got our "money's worth" but if my kids weren't fussed about/making use of either the sports/music/drama facilities, then we'd have stuck with the state option.

Our income is roughly equivalent to your dh’s. We aren’t on the breadline but nor are we at the level where and extra £30k a year wouldn’t be of benefit to our dcs. We have in the past paid for tutoring and music lessons as well as more affordable activities like swimming and rugby but cost is always a big consideration. We’ve have a holiday most years but not every year and almost always in the uk. I would love to have a couple of city breaks every year and to expose them to more sports and activities which are financially out of reach. Driving lessons have been a recent struggle and uni costs are looming (maintenance loan is dwarfed by rent costs).
We do have more dcs than you (4) but I’d bet our housing costs are significantly lower (£550 mortgage).
For me the benefits of a private education doesn’t outweigh the benefits of providing other experiences and if you can’t do both I would go state. I believe the biggest influence is parents and parental expectation though, and we are lucky enough to have an ethnically diverse secondary school. My dcs were the only non-white dcs in their rural primary and I “get” why you don’t want a white only secondary but I think my dcs would think I’d lost my mind if I paid £200k so they didn’t stand out ethnically (especially if it means being “othered” differently anyway).

I think you’d struggle to do it all the way though especially as you don’t seem to have mentioned school holiday costs. A lot of the clubs near me are still quite a chunky cost for a full day- often 40-50 a day. You’ve also then got the longer holidays to deal with and still likely to be paying extra for wrap-around.

I work term time only so that’s not an issue, thankfully

Don't forget that if the school is selective, your children will need to pass an exam to get in at 11. Even with through schools there is often some weeding out of the less academic before the senior school stage. If your DCs haven't even started school yet, have you any idea of their abilities?