I know it’s been done to death a bit, but private schools

[ImARedCat]

We’ve seen a house we love, but the schools aren’t brilliant (dc are preschoolers so not an issue yet.)

I really like the house but I think husband is put off because of the schools.

I don’t know if private is an option. On paper it is, although it would mean I’d effectively be working for nothing, but would they be the poor children? It’s such a lot of money … is it worth it?

Welcome all thoughts.

@ChocolateHoneycomb
I come from a family of doctors and they did private also as no way they could make the hours work, and we ended up boarding to make life easier at weekends when they were on call which in those days was one weekend in three.
I sometimes think there should be an NHS discount at fee paying schools! It makes me cross that my friend who is a paediatric intensive care nurse and so dedicated, gets so frazzled juggling after school clubs and having to reach out to friends and family for help - no way she can afford fees sadly.

Just a small point but my dd's state school was good, not outstanding. My secondary school was definitely "bog standard".
Didn't stop us thriving/achieving.
Your child is unique and not defined by their school or their classmates.
I would suggest you don't dismiss your local state until you've spent some time getting to know it better. Best of luck OP.

@bluejelly
sadly too much of that happens - dismissing a school only because it is state sector whilst approving a school simply because it is private sector (and I say this as someone who was privately educated!)
It goes back a long way and often has little to do with reality. 93% of people in this country are not doing hideously awfully because they went to state school. There are so many tired and untrue assumptions spouted.
The only way to really decide on schools is to visit them all, get to know the parents but much more importantly get to know the pupils. Not to compare them sector to sector but school to school. There are real surprises in both sectors.

I don’t think you earn enough money to send two kids to private school unless there is significant family money as well. You will have to give up a lot of luxuries.
We have a higher combined income and don’t feel able to afford it. Why are the local schools bad. Because it’s a bad area? Much better to out your money into a good area with good schools.

@Hoopa I was answering the poster who liked the fact her state school child met children from a range of backgrounds. If we went for the state option at the house we like that wouldn’t apply. It’s almost exclusively white working class. Before anyone jumps down my throat I am not saying that’s ‘wrong’, but it is not a range of backgrounds, any more than white middle class would be. There is certainly more ethnic diversity at the fee paying schools but not much economic diversity which is to be expected.

@ImARedCat completely understand what you are saying, but I bet there are some lovely families with children at the school.
Go and have a look at all the schools and then see which one ‘feels’ right to you, whatever the sector.
what are the fee paying schools like? Also do check their finances (always a worry these days unless they are the big hitters). You sound like a lovely Mum 🥰

On those salaries and two kids it wouldn’t be very pleasant to be honest. We earn more than that and had two had a private in Scotland that was less than 30k a year and it was tight enough.
Private school plus would be better.

Oh definitely - I imagine most or all will. Just doesn’t seem very pushy academically which is good but might be a problem too.

@ImARedCat pushy academically isn’t always what is needed - it can be bad for some children. My children are bright (husband’s genes!) but I don’t like them pushed too much, I like them to choose to work and to build positive relationships with teachers. TBH I would worry about a school that was pushing for their govnt data (state) or for marketing purposes (private).

I wouldn’t discount buying a house you love until you have visited the school and talked with the head and seen children in classes.

We have two kids in prep. We are defiantly not millionaires! We are hoping the dc get in to the local grammar which is excellent. If not we will access the situation from there.

For us solid foundation education was important, the local primary schools were poor and oversubcribed and the dc would not have got the level of eduction that prep gives them. Thats not slagging off the teachers its just a mix of oversubscribed, under funded and under staffed.

However not all private schools are great - do your home work thoroughly. We fell in love with a rural idilic indi which was a stately home. The kids were able to spend lots of time out in the school grounds, build bonfires, climb trees but academically it was very poor. Our new prep is just bloody awesome. Its like paying another mortgage and more every month but for us its worth it

And to being the 'poor' parents - I bumped in to school mum the other day in Aldi we both laughed when we seen each other at the veg stall

Hmm but it’s not really about Aldi … it’s more about comparing yourself to others and not having as much.

I think the above poster is right and it would be a bit tight - I would effectively be working to pay nothing but school fees for five years which would be a pain. On the other hand that would leave us with plenty of money so would it really be so awful? It’s so hard to say. I do really love the house.

You could save for, what, seven years before they need to go to secondary school? Plus, there would be a a few years at the beginning by and end where it’s just one at the school.

I’d maybe do some sums with that in mind and see.

If it all doesn’t work, you could move for secondary. Or you could try the local school for a year and see.

@ImARedCat

Hmm but it’s not really about Aldi … it’s more about comparing yourself to others and not having as much.

I think the above poster is right and it would be a bit tight - I would effectively be working to pay nothing but school fees for five years which would be a pain. On the other hand that would leave us with plenty of money so would it really be so awful? It’s so hard to say. I do really love the house.

Thats my point. How are you going to know who has what and in what capacity. Just because they have an expensive car, most likely on lease doesn't mean they are millionaires. One of the parents in DC class has 3 kids in the school paid for by their grandparents.

It seems your biggest issue is looking like the poor person when really it should be about what you're prepared to do to give your kids the best educational start. Private school or State plus (what ever that is)

We ended up moving to somewhere else with really good schools and the extra money went on a better house and nice activities we couldn’t afford when paying for private school for two (now have one at a prep and one grammar).
Maybe find another house

Would you qualify for a bursary or help with fees?
DD went to the local faith primary school which was excellent, then attended day school for secondary but decided to board for sixth form at a different school. All we had to pay was her actual board fees plus a tiny bit towards her school fees, otherwise we wouldn't have been able to afford it.

At DDs boarding school there were quite a few pupils from the ME who were seriously wealthy, majority were well off, then a few like DD just from an 'ordinary' background. There was no overt snobbery though?

@ImARedCat
Why only five years? What would happen after that? If they haven’t even started school yet you have many years to pay for not just five. Very hard to go from private to state as they won’t have the resilience or confidence in normal size classes, they will be used to a much gentler hand holding approach in tiny classes.

No, it really isn’t about ‘looking like the poor person.’

Overwhelmingly, levels of contentment tend to correlate to not having vast disparities of wealth. For example, if you earn less than £20,000 but everyone you know is in the same boat, chances are you’ll be happy. But if your salary was doubled but you then had to move to an area where everyone warned above £200,000 you would not be as happy despite having more money.

I don’t want my children to be feeling like the latter example, is my only worry.

I don’t know that we’d qualify for a bursary although there is a 10% discount on a second child attending the school.

@MissM2912 that’s what DH wants but my reservations are that schools can change and also that there’s a big disparity between the costs of the sort of houses we like in those areas (600 +) and the one we like, which is £500.

I just don't understand why even consider a private school if you can't comfortably afford it?
I went to a public school and then onto university. I now have a great career (a senior in data analytics) and my DP and I are in a 0.1% brackets of earners.

I play a musical instrument and have few other hobbies. I have a lot of interesting and intellectual friends, I live in a nice area.

I really don't see how private school would have benefited me here? What is the point?
Please don't stretch yourself, I'm sorry I wouldn't even consider it on your salary.

School is only until kid is 16 y.o.; most of my 'life learning and experience gaining' happened at university and after, anyway.

If we did go down the private route for primary the costs aren’t as astronomical, though. And there are mixed feelings above: some believe private primary isn’t necessarily the best. It just depends.

Disclaimer: my kids attend state schools but had a couple of years of privately funded education.

The standard of teaching wasnt better. But there were fewer kids, the activities were better and the teachers were more eager to please. You could see how it was possible to meet 'like minded' people and form networks.

So yes, if I could afford it I would.

But dont worry OP, I'm sure if you "cut back", dont buy handbags and drive an "old banger", you will be able to afford it.

I know that costs can rise faster than inflation, but I can only do the sums with what I know now.

We’d be paying just under £30,000 for two in senior school - not including any discounts. So that’s pretty much my salary. But in terms of living we’d still have £70,000 so it isn’t as if we’d be on the breadline either.

It’s finding that balance between ‘you will never afford it, peasants’ and ‘just shop at Aldi.’

Re being the 'poor child', it probably varies between schools, but I think it has a lot to do with attitude rather than money. Our kids go to a private secondary on a staff discount - we live a perfectly comfortable life but we absolutely don't have a huge house, 50 grand car, ski holiday lifestyle. Lots of the DCs' friends are far, far wealthier than us (also some are less so, presumably, who are on bursaries - I don't know which). I'm state educated and don't come from 'that' background. But I don't feel in any way inferior to or overawed by the school. I went to Oxford, so I've spent plenty of time in 'that' world - I'm not intimidated by the fancy buildings or the concerts or the formal dinners, and I'm quite happy to chat at a school event with the parent who's a CEO, or a professor, or a yacht-owning billionaire. My kids will never have the life that some of their friends have - but I'm fine with that, and so are they. At the start of term we have a bit of a laugh about the fact that we spent our holiday in a cottage in Cornwall in the rain while their friend from biology spent it yachting around the Maldives. It's not an issue because we don't see it as an issue. It's never been an issue for them at school. And I hope at the end of it they will be comfortable with kids from 'that' world as well as from the more normal world that they exist in outside school, so that they have the confidence to live whatever kind of life they choose to lead.

Totally worth it. We are aiming for a diamond model. State-private- state. DD started off at a lovely state primary. Moved to private secondary. She's hoping to move again to a non-private sixth form college. The advantage of being in a private during the secondary years means she really appreciated and enjoyed the extra curriculars. And she is well supported during her formative years where she is seriously thinking about "what shall I do with my life?"

There is an expectation you will try your best and apply yourself. And private school students try very hard to meet that expectation. State schools have that too but can be very hit and miss.

But make no mistake there can also be a subtle culture of snobbery. Can't really escape that. A whisper of wealth in the way people carry themselves or talk to each other. If you can ensure your child is well grounded, she can blaze a successful trail without fussing too much about these wealth markers. I mean it is what it is. And with your salary I'd hardly call you poor or living on gruel

DD went to state school up to Y11. She is now in private school (scholarship) for Y12 & Y13. To be honest, I regret sending her to private. She got better GCSEs than all her new peers, she is far more independent and motivated. She is enjoying it but I am worried it will make it harder for her to get her desired university place (although she is predicted top grades).

Having said that, she went from an extremely diverse inner city secondary to the private school and it sounds like your position is very different. She has two younger brothers who have both said there is no way they would ever want to go to private school.