Moving to Canada with a 14 year old

ColaandBru · 2021-01-02T17:38:43+00:00

We are looking at moving to Canada in the summer. Our DD is 14. Has anyone made an international move with a teenager and how did it go? Half of me thinks it would be fab and half of me thinks it would be daft. She would be transferring to a Canadian (not international) school. She is happy here and doing well. She tends to make friends easily.

TessApricot · 02/01/2021 19:09

Where in Canada? If you’re in one of the bigger cities I think it’ll be amazing! If you’re in the middle of nowhere it would be trickier for a teenager.
How does she feel about it?

Original poster

ColaandBru · 02/01/2021 19:43

It would be a city in Saskatchewan. We have family fairly nearby. She isn't keen...

OP posts:

TessApricot · 03/01/2021 14:09

It’s a really tricky age to move. I only know Toronto and Vancouver so I don’t know what the opportunities would be like in Saskatchewan - would she have to move far away for uni/collège? I guess you have to weigh up pros and cons for everyone in the family but personally I wouldn’t move a happy 14 year old unless I HAD to. Only you know if you have to.

Ploughingthrough · 04/01/2021 02:27

My DH was moved as 14 (within the UK but a long way) and still resents his parents for it in his 40s. He did a lot of international moves up till 10 and enjoyed those.
We are serial expats but making our last move back to the UK in June, our eldest is 8 and we dont want to move her again which is why we are committing to staying put now. I wouldn't move if you dont have to.

FixItUpChappie · 04/01/2021 02:42

I live in Alberta. I can't honestly imagine moving from the UK, on the doorstep of Europe, rich with a million beautiful places to visit and things to do - to Saskatchewan (or Alberta to be fair to my Canadian neighbours). I would think it a bit of a shock. It's a very rural, quite conservative, Regina/Saskatoon are not exactly cultural hubs? Not that the prairies don't have their own charm but.....have you spent a lot of time visiting? I can understand your daughters reluctance personally but then I would do anything to live in the UK

rockinaftermidnite · 04/01/2021 02:58

My experience with the Canadian public school system - as a parent of two teen DC - has been surprisingly bad. Before moving here (from Europe, where the DC had been educated in a private international school), the research I did told me that Canada has the second best public education of anywhere in the world. That is so far from reality!

VimFuego101 · 04/01/2021 03:24

It's a tough age to move, and a big change. Would she be eligible for student loans for her university course if she remained in Canada, and would she be counted as an international student? This is a big issue for people moving to the US with mid-teens. The BritishExpats forum has useful advice.

Seafog · 04/01/2021 03:27

Saskatchewan is very conservative,and while people are friendly , there is a strong racist undercurrent to non whites.
If she is into farming/hockey/4H/ outdoor hobbies she will like it

Seafog · 04/01/2021 03:29

We drive across Canada this summer, this was most of Saskatchewan

Original poster

ColaandBru · 04/01/2021 08:51

Thanks everyone. That's helpful and a lot to think about. She has Canadian nationality so the fees aren't an issue. We have been to Canada a lot but not much to Saskatchewan. It's a bit like the sliding doors film I think. If we take one route we will never know how the other would have turned out. As a family we are much more into skiing, kayaking etc than museums so I think the activities might work better for us. Useful about the schools too. It is quite hard to find info on them and the exam structure seems very different. My husband is very keen. I'm more on the fence.

OP posts:

Sup1979 · 04/01/2021 08:53

If she’s happy and settled here
Unless the reasons were overwhelmingly compelling

Then not a chance I’d uproot her at this age. Not. A. Chance.

rockinaftermidnite · 04/01/2021 09:10

The emphasis is on maths and science. At high school level (ages 13-17), literature is pathetic; they've recently done away with AP English, no grammar is taught at any level, not even in primary school, writing skills are not emphasised at all; languages are limited to French, Chinese and Japanese; history is mostly centred on Canada - Canadian history. My DD studied Canadian history for THREE years and only one year of European (focused on WW2🙄). Little or no geography. Art, music and drama are electives - one term of each. Sports are limited to the gifted.

MsTSwift · 04/01/2021 09:14

Agree with Sup. Dd1 is this age I think frankly she would refuse to move. Very sensitive age developmentally and educationally. If the child wasn’t thriving where they were possibly but if they happy where they are I would need an extremely compelling reason to go.

IamTomHanks · 04/01/2021 09:15

Not much skiing in Saskatchewan...Not much of anything but wheat in Saskatchewan....

I don't agree with @rockinaftermidnite's assessment of the curriculum though. However it should be noted that curriculum varies by Province, so her experience may be different than my much more well rounded one.

Sarcobaleno · 04/01/2021 09:21

Can't comment on the area, but IME international moves are tricky enough without everyone being completely in agreement. That sounds like a massive cultural change at such an important age for your child. It wouldn't be what I'd choose for my kids. Can you not wait 5 years until DC are more independent?

rockinaftermidnite · 04/01/2021 09:22

@IamTomHanks Yes, we're in BC so I'm sure the curriculum is different. Tell us about your experience, please.

IamTomHanks · 04/01/2021 09:44

@rockinaftermindmite, I grew up in Nova Scotia. Our curriculum was very well rounded. There was a great emphasis on grammar and literature, as well as maths & sciences.

Language Arts was a mandatory class from grades 10 to 12, same as basic maths, and you also had to take history (which looked at world history, so Mesopotamia through to the American Civil Rights Movement & the fall of the Berlin Wall).

I would say history was generally more focused overall on European history than American history.

We also had Social Studies which, in elementary school, focused on First Nations and the settlement of Canada, but then moved into ethical/moral situations with a strong emphasis on debate and critical thinking.

We of course had all the STEM subjects as well.

However, due to funding cuts thanks to years of Conservative rule in Nova Scotia, we lost our Arts and Music after Grade 9, however there were options for Drama and Computer Sciences and you could join the band.

Language was limited to French, but you had the option to take all of your classes in French, rather than English.

Sports was open to everyone.

I would definitely say the focus on critical thinking and analysis I received, which was a large part of the curriculum, left me pretty well off, and despite the fact my school and the area I was from was dirt poor, I had a very good education.

steppemum · 04/01/2021 09:53

I work with families who move internationally, I help them prepare for the move. For those wgo are on overseas contracts for several years, I help them readjust to life in the UK when they come back. (So teens who know the UK well, but have been out of the country for several years, it is not easy moving back to UK)

We are very, very reluctant to send families with kids over 13. We will do it, but only after a lot of time with the family and planning with them, and only if the teenager is massively on board.

It is generally a terrible age to move, both due to the loss of friendships at a critical age and becasue of education.
So, while I wouldn't say no, and obviously you have the advantage of the same language, and knowing Canada well, I would think very hard.

If you do move, look up things about culture shock, cultural adjustment and being a TCK. Spend time talking with her about feelings (mixed probably) and validating her. It is OK at times to feel angry about your life being turned upside down.
It is tempting to think that as life is pretty similar, it will be easy to adjust, but funnily enough, moving between 2 similar cultures can be just as hard, as the differences are subtle and sometimes unexpected.

You obviously know Canada well, and so the culture etc will be easier.

Schooling will be very different, not better or worse, just different, different stresses, so she may take time to adjust.

IdblowJonSnow · 04/01/2021 09:58

If she's not keen I wouldn't move her. It would be really unfair at this point in her life.

Original poster

ColaandBru · 04/01/2021 11:33

Thanks everyone. Sorry I should have clarified that we cross country ski too. I think we will sleep on it for a few months. It is a shame we can't visit at the moment. So hard. If it worked out I think it would likely be better for us, financially and in terms of being near family. We all also like the idea of a small city instead of commuter ville. If it didn't work though it would have been a big mistake. If only we had a crystal ball.

OP posts:

SueDeNimm · 04/01/2021 11:48

You might 'all' be into cross country skiing and kayaking but in a year or so that will change drastically for her. It doesn't look like a big area for any of the sports you mentioned anyway.

I've just watched Tin Star which is set near there - fantastic way to get the feel of it. In winter it's outrageously cold. I'd be amazed if you wanted to do much skiing (or even could).

One of my ex employees went there with her parents then came back in her 20s (they all did). Her understanding of Europe and cultural references were pretty basic. Very nice girl but you lose your UK advantages growing up in a place like that.

You would be better off in Scandinavia if you want more nature/sports frankly. Or France. Or Switzerland. I would also say that men love living in the middle of nowhere but it doesn't usually suit most women that well. So I'm sure your husband is keen as mustard but for a girl on the brink of womanhood I can't see it being amazing. Maybe you want to get her away from normal teen culture but if she's not keen it might backfire

MollyButton · 04/01/2021 11:56

You only have to stay in the UK for 4 more years and she could finish her education here and decide whether to move with you or not. 14 is an awful age to move, without her agreement.

MsTSwift · 04/01/2021 13:00

Absolutely Sue. Dh would live in the middle of nowhere if he could. Not happening and my teen girls agree they would hate it.

BillieSpain · 04/01/2021 13:05

Not in a million years would I do this to my DD. No way.

VanCouver maybe, but where you are intending going? Nope.

Sup1979 · 04/01/2021 13:07

@steppemum

I work with families who move internationally, I help them prepare for the move. For those wgo are on overseas contracts for several years, I help them readjust to life in the UK when they come back. (So teens who know the UK well, but have been out of the country for several years, it is not easy moving back to UK)

We are very, very reluctant to send families with kids over 13. We will do it, but only after a lot of time with the family and planning with them, and only if the teenager is massively on board.

It is generally a terrible age to move, both due to the loss of friendships at a critical age and becasue of education.
So, while I wouldn't say no, and obviously you have the advantage of the same language, and knowing Canada well, I would think very hard.

If you do move, look up things about culture shock, cultural adjustment and being a TCK. Spend time talking with her about feelings (mixed probably) and validating her. It is OK at times to feel angry about your life being turned upside down.
It is tempting to think that as life is pretty similar, it will be easy to adjust, but funnily enough, moving between 2 similar cultures can be just as hard, as the differences are subtle and sometimes unexpected.

You obviously know Canada well, and so the culture etc will be easier.

Schooling will be very different, not better or worse, just different, different stresses, so she may take time to adjust.

Read this OP