Divorced parents in TWO parents evenign appointments... has the world gone mad?

[HUNXXXX]

chatting to teacher
at one priary school she owrked in out of a class of 30 she had 53 parents evenign appointments, where adults coudl not sit itn eh same room to discuss the welfare of their kid.

God it must be awful for a teacher to have to sit through 2 mad parents at each other's throats. I can see why they'd prefer separate appointments tbh.

Though the downside is that the parents can claim they were told 2 different things...

I think it is sad that parents can't sit together for 10 mins for the welfare of their child.
My ex H came to both my boys parents evenings with me, and is coming along to DS1's assessments with me too.

thats good surfermum. I was thinking that my idea is all very well in theory, but if the result would be a stand up row between the parents instead of a conversation with the teacher then maybe it's not worth sticking to the principle. good to hear you've turned that corner - so much better all round

My partner has come with me to all school events for our daughter so far, and he will come in future, agenda permitting.

His ex, however, has never gone to parent-teacher evenings, either before or after their separation. School (in fact all educational matters) is not her business

At parents' evening last week I was in a queue with another family comprising 1 woman and 2 men. Was dying to know what all that was about. Was a very interesting evening, what with that and the teacher leaving the door open so everyone else could hear what was being said to the parents already in there

Message withdrawn

Sorry Cod, but here goes.... As someone who is happily married and has never been divorced or been caught in the whirlwind of the acrimonious divorce/split of someone close (parents, partners etc), I'm not sure you are in a position to tell people that they are being pathetic for wanting sep appointments. You don't know what went on (or is still going on) in those relationships. Maybe a small proportion of divorced parents are asking for 2 appointments out of awkwardness, but I'd say that for the majority the reason behind it is more complicated.

LittleBella - I understand that most domestic violence goes unreported. But also most domestic violence goes on in situations where the woman has not left (or takes a long time to do so). Your argument runs the whole system around the assumption of violence when there is a split and the assumption that it's fine if they are still visably together.

Whilst I appreciate that acrimonious divorces are brutally hard on all concerned (and although I have not been through it, I have witnessed it), I simply don't think it's the job of the school to massively increse a teacher's workload to accomadate it.

the figures in the op seemed extreme

in our class i think two sets of parents are separated so i am sure the teacher would not mind more appointments if necessary

some parents dont even go so i guess it would even out

Perhaps we have to just agree to disagree then.

I still think it unfair to place such a burden on teachers. Especially ones who are now trying to juggle so many other things.

My BF said it was manageble when there were a few children, but it got to the point where there were 50 parents evening appointments instead of 30.

as a teacher I would rather have to calm 5 minute appointments than a bitching session that lasts twenty minutes.

I think you're over-simplifying my point RB.

But actually I don't think it's unreasonable that educational institutions change their procedures to meet the changing needs of their stakeholders, including parents.

In an ideal world, teachers' workloads would not be affected by adapting to the needs of its stakeholders; it's nobody's fault that we don't live in an ideal world.

I agree that education needs to adapt (although, actually, I can't abide the term 'stakeholders', but that's a different issue).

However, I still believe that it is unreasonable to have to give additional appointments to every parent who requests them. Teachers have enough additional burdens these days and I think that 53 appointments for 30 children (as per the original post) is a step too far.

I also don't think I was over simplifying your argument. I was just pointing out why I disagreed with it by taking it to its logical end point.

As I said, I think we have to agree to disagree. C'est la vie. It's good to have different opinions on here.

but it isn't its logical end-point, I can't allow you to have the last word on that. My argument does not work on the assumption of violence. It works on the assumption that if two adults can't sit in the same room, there may be a very good reason for that, and the paternalistic view that they should be treated like their children and have their heads knocked together and simply told to get on with it, is deeply offensive.

I remember years ago a woman whose husband had been murdered by her neighbour wanting to get rehoused. Every month she went to bother the housing office because seeing her neighbour's family going off to see the murderer in prison, having her children going to the same school as their kids etc., was sending her into frenzies of anguish, anger and grief. She was eventually told by an impatient common-sense young woman that "you tenants just have to learn to get on together".

I see similar attitudes on this thread tbh.

farcical

What is?

The idea that schools should assume parents are adults?

I don't really see the relevance of your housing comparison TBH. As I said earlier, I certainly don't think you should disregard situations of violence and I think that, if there is a good reason of which the school is aware for separate appointments then that is a reason for an exception to the policy. My disagreement was with the idea that, every time parents could not get on, you assuming that there was a reason for it at a similar level of seriousness.

To be honest, I think that this debate could go on forever. I respect your point of view, but I don't agree. I think perhaps I should leave it at that.

no - two parents evenings
if you are old enough to parent then do the best by your child and at least TRY

Well, I don't think we will agree on this RB, but I obviously didn't explain the housing analogy very well, so to make clear what I meant, the relevance of it, is that the approach in each case, is paternalistic and lacking in respect for the people involved. It assumes they are socially incompetent idiots. Which I'm sure in many cases, they are. However, a respectful approach is to assume that an adult has a good reason for their actions.

Sadly lots of fathers are denied contact with their children. For some parents evening is the only chance they have to find out about the children. Not all couples are however like that and many can sit in the same room to hear what the teacher has to say.

The primary school where I work has a clear policy: one appointment per child. Only parents of twins would qualify for 2. As many have pointed out already, we teachers are over-burdened to breaking point as it is. And actually, there is also a policy which says anyone missing the appointment opportunity due to taking a holiday during term time does not get an alternative! Any opinions on that??

adults can cope surely
their child will always be the result of that union
if they cant cope with sitting in a meeting for 10 mins twice a year for that child then god help the poor child
teachers should not succumb to their whingeing