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Education

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Original poster

We have a daughter in a private girls school, what if we have a boy next?

122 replies

mummyloveslucy · 18/10/2007 18:47

Our daughter is in a realy lovely school for girls. She loves it there and is very happy. We are planning another baby but what if it's a boy?. He couldn't go to my daughters school and there is only one other private school around and we've heard that it is not that good. Do we put him in to a state primary which is probubly as good as this other private school or do we put him in the private one just so it's fair? We would be over the moon with a baby boy or girl, but I'd want our son to be just as happy as our daughter. Has anyone else been in a similar situation?
I'd be realy greatful for any advice.

OP posts:

Hulababy · 19/10/2007 17:20

The prep school DD goes to - which is all girls - has a nursery/preschool attached. However the preschool bit is actually co-ed - the boys from the local boy's school come here.

I don't "fear" my DD meeting and mixing with boys at all. She has friends who are boys from out side of school. However the best school for her, after doing our research and visiting lots, was the school we chose, and it happens to be single sex.

wheresthehamster · 19/10/2007 17:26

I'm really interested to know what the schools themselves say. What aspect about early single sex schooling do they promote?

wheresthehamster · 19/10/2007 17:27

Sorry, that's come out sounding a bit judgemental. I'm genuinely interested as it's come as a bit of a shock

LadyMuck · 19/10/2007 17:32

I don't think that people who opt for single-sex education are "afraid" of the opposite sex. But they may feel that a school dedicated to one gender may suit their child better. Ds1 has attended an all boys school from 4, ds2 started at 3 in the preschool, and they have both flourished in an environment where physical activity is encouraged, where books, projects and indeed all aspects of the curriculum are designed to appeal to small boys. It wasn't the absence of girls that appealed in any way, just what was on offer for the boys.

It is a bit noisy at times though!

motherinferior · 19/10/2007 17:33

Why on earth don't you just take your daughter out of her current school and send her to the mixed state primary? Or move?

(I rather love this thread, in an utterly perverse way.)

motherinferior · 19/10/2007 17:34

Mind you I bloody hate single sex education anyway, and am glum about the probable prospect of having to send the Inferiorettes to a single sex (state) school when they reach 11.

MrsBadger · 19/10/2007 17:38

hamster, in my experience it tends to happen from the top down - successful single sex secondary schools (quite normal and academically defensible, esp for girls) spawn single sex preparatory depts (slightly less so), which in turn spawn single sex nurseries (frankly weird imo).

But as hula says, you have tyo judge each school on its own merits

wheresthehamster · 19/10/2007 17:48

Thanks for the replies. I work in year 1 and the find the relationships between boys and girls interesting. They learn how each other cope differently with the same situations, and develop tolerance and understanding and genuine affection for each other. (Then at 11 declare they DEFINITELY want to go to a single sex school [grin})

Oenophile · 19/10/2007 17:54

MLL - if your doubts are only that you might be being 'unfair' to send a DS to a state school when your DD is getting the privilege of private, I know many people who have had some in each. My DD1 was privately educated from 3-18, DD2 would not have suited that school so attended a state school. Of the two, it is DD2 who feels more 'privileged' as the state school had a happier and more relaxed atmosphere and DD1 feels she missed out!

It really does depend on the schools available, and on trying to fit the individual needs of each child as best you can, but since you say your local state primary is good, then having one in each system is not in itself a damning sign of favouritism and unfair parenting.

newy · 19/10/2007 18:06

I went to a private all girls school from age 11 and my brother went to comp as it suited him better. Cant really say whether mixed school would have been better but I don't think it stopped me having friendships with boys and had a good group of male friends as a teenager (many are still friends 20 years later). Also on husband number 2 so not shy in that way either...

Hulababy · 19/10/2007 18:28

wheresthehamster - yes the relationships that children form are interesting. But just because DD goes to a single sex school does not mean that she doesn't have the chance to make those friendships and develop those characteristics from playing with the opposite sex. DD does infact have male friends - these are made outside of school and - IMO - I think that children making friends from outside their school sphere is also really good and important regards relationship development. Almost all, if not all, the girls in DD's class have male friends, eother through siblings, family or out of school friends. None are growing up in some sort of isolated from boys type of scenario.

jajas · 19/10/2007 18:41

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

alycat · 19/10/2007 18:49

Hi MLL,

My DD was at a co-ed pre-prep (which then becomes 2 single sex preps within the same grounds/estate) and when my DS was 'but a bump' I was encouraged (due to place pressures) to put his name down too - I knew I was having a boy.

He has special needs and after 1 term in nursery it became clear that a) it was not suitable for him and b) they really didn't wan't 'less able' children at their precious school.

He now goes to a different co-ed pre-prep which becomes girls only after yr 2. BUT I couldn't decide on what to do until I had been to all the local state schools and independent and found one for him to go to from September 2011 (actually state)even though we don't know if he will cope with mainstream! So I can completely understand having to make a decision well in advance.

Discussing schooling choices on here will always raise an eyebrow or two (although not as many as on the 'other' site) and children at independent schools (I'm guessing) are in a minority.

Logistically though it should not be a problem as most independent schools offer after school clubs and care - my DD's school offers tea as well. Getting to 2 different schools by 8.20 and 8.30 when they are 2 miles away from each other across a gridlocked town however - different story!

newy · 19/10/2007 19:11

Alycat, whats the 'other' site? Sounds a bit sinister to me...

alycat · 20/10/2007 12:50

Shhh, you know the one that's ...the other way round...

(You are not allowed to mention this site on there - or used not to be able to)

ScaryScienceT · 20/10/2007 13:14

The issue that I see here comes down to this:

For a DS, there is a choice of a primary school or a not-so-great prep school. Given this choice in isolation, for the same standard of education, you would save money and go state.

But then there is the issue of fairness to each child. Is it ethical to have one child in private and the other in state?

To me, it's a no-brainer. You do the best for each child as individuals. If DD is thriving in her school, then leave her there. It doesn't really matter which school DS goes to.

I think that the OP has asked good questions. I think it is good to think of hypotheticals. Here, the issue is one of being 'fair' to each child. I think that is something we all have to deal with, and it is not always to do with forking out £10k+ a year. It could be about much lesser opportunities.

For our kids, they are not treated the same. The younger ones are definitely at the bottom of the totem pole.

1dilemma · 20/10/2007 13:35

I do think MLL has taken this rather well, although agree from where I'm standing worrying about which private nursery my as yet unconcieved child might attend is rather surreal.
She does however sound a bit perfect with all that volunteering in the local special school.
To answer the question do what's best for ds and dd as individuals it's obvious innit?

1dilemma · 20/10/2007 13:36

have lovely image of ssts dcs clambering up greasy pole trying to overtake each other, you give the impression of having hoards of dcs when you say 'the younger ones'!!

ScaryScienceT · 20/10/2007 15:43

I have five

krib · 20/10/2007 15:47

Am I seeing things - or is this thread actually real?

bodycolder · 20/10/2007 16:13

wee-dic-lee-is as my ds would say!

inthegutter · 20/10/2007 18:26

First, get pregnant. Second, see what sex the baby is. Third, wait a few years til baby gets to school age. Fourth, take dd out of private school and put her in your local state school along with sibling. Fifth, get yourself a life.

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