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Education

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Original poster

We have a daughter in a private girls school, what if we have a boy next?

122 replies

mummyloveslucy · 18/10/2007 18:47

Our daughter is in a realy lovely school for girls. She loves it there and is very happy. We are planning another baby but what if it's a boy?. He couldn't go to my daughters school and there is only one other private school around and we've heard that it is not that good. Do we put him in to a state primary which is probubly as good as this other private school or do we put him in the private one just so it's fair? We would be over the moon with a baby boy or girl, but I'd want our son to be just as happy as our daughter. Has anyone else been in a similar situation?
I'd be realy greatful for any advice.

OP posts:

Wisteria · 18/10/2007 19:25

I think so Coco x I'm going now as it's so silly!

LIZS · 18/10/2007 19:25

Had completely missed that op isn't even pg ! How old is dd, presumably young enough that a move, if needs, be need n't be the end of her world ? I bet some of her friends have siblings at the "not so good" boys' equivalent.

boolepew · 18/10/2007 19:26

inamuckingfuddle · 18/10/2007 19:27

oh god I never thought of this all my other problems pale into insignificance now

claricebeansmum · 18/10/2007 19:28

Is there going to be a future thread "AIBU: Have place at boys school but have given birth to DD"

LIZS · 18/10/2007 19:30

Why are you considering applying for a state place too for your dd ?

Lil · 18/10/2007 19:31

Hmm I think having a neurotic mother might affect child more than which school it goes to

pagwatch · 18/10/2007 19:34

ummm - without wishing to be too negative - life is not as simple as that.
My DS1 went to a lovely school. My DS2 developed profound special needs so could not go to aforementioned lovely school.for a while there he couldn't go to any school and the niceness of DS1's school became a gnat bite on the arse of the probelm that was actually finding somewhere that could cope with DS2.
I am not being trite or nasty. But i really think that there is not a great deal of point actually expending any energy worrying about a problem which may end up being a non issue.
Mull it over in your head at collecting time by all means. Comtemplate the options as you drift off to sleep. But actively seek advice ... That is counting your chicken when you should be counting sheep.
seriously -don't try and resolve it.
Be happy that DD is happy and wait to deal withtomorrow when it comes

Original poster

mummyloveslucy · 18/10/2007 19:37

Hi Lizs, The question about the best state school was incase we had a boy.

OP posts:

TwigorTreat · 18/10/2007 19:39

your eldest is 2.5 .. to be honest she would love any pre-school environment

if you do get pregnant you could always move her

Hulababy · 18/10/2007 19:43

Not read more than OP so far.

Surely you just do what you did for your DD? You look round the schools available and chose the one that best suits him at the time,and your situations. So long as you can justify your choices that way then "fairness" re. the private and non-private shouldn't matter.

However, don't just go on what you have heard about a school - you must visit.

For now, don't worry about it - plenty of time to make those decisions if and when you do have another baby and if/when you have a boy.

FWIW lots of DD's school friends have male siblings - they just go to different schools. Not a problem.

Original poster

mummyloveslucy · 18/10/2007 19:49

I am not neurotic Lil, I just care very much about my daughter and want any future children to be happy too, what's wrong with that? I don't stress about these things all the time, I'm just asking for oppinions.

OP posts:

bigwombat · 18/10/2007 19:59

100% agree with pagwatch's post (also have SN dd2 - puts things into perspective). Read it again MLL!

Lil · 18/10/2007 20:00

NEUROTIC 2. Informal A person prone to excessive anxiety and emotional upset.

HUNXXXX · 18/10/2007 20:00

aboalutley
neurtoic

Original poster

mummyloveslucy · 18/10/2007 20:06

I do know what neurotic means Lil, and I am definatly not. My shrink says I'm fine!

OP posts:

pointydog · 18/10/2007 20:09

The thing is, you're planning a lot for another baby but why didn't you consider this when you sent dd to school?

Lil · 18/10/2007 20:10

HUN are you really the Cod?

TwigorTreat · 18/10/2007 20:12

ok you're growing on me MLL .. but have to say 2 things

first .. put the crazy back in the cupboard and padlock it away until you've at least conceived and had gender scan

and secondly .. the name ... the name has to go

Lulumama · 18/10/2007 20:12

wihout wishing to sound nasty...

what if you have your baby boy, but he has learning difficulties? or special needs?

you jsut cannot predict how things will go

it is a blessing to have children and we all want to do the very best for them, but some things just cannot be planned for... what if you have your boy and he is not academic, struggles at school? and you;ll be thinking, ' after all the work and effort i put itn'

i honestly think you just need to relax about this.

ScaryScienceT · 18/10/2007 20:12

I don't think you are being unreasonable in thinking about this topic. It is a hot topic on Mumsnet, however, and there are an awful lot of people who have chips on their shoulder about this one.

I have five children, and have worried in the past about being fair to them, and giving them equal opportunities. At the end of the day, we have done our best at the time for each child. We are in a mix of private and state schools. We can't afford for them all to be in the independent sector at the same time. As the older ones move on, the younger ones will move up.

We all have choices in education, and having more money simply gives us more choices. We also have the duty to treat each child as an individual and do the best for them that we can with the information we have at the time. You mustn't sweat unduly over previous decisions you have made when it comes to the next child.

I do identify with your anxiety. Anyone with a large family who have prioritised education will feel likewise.

pagwatch · 18/10/2007 20:14

Twigortreat
put the crazy back in the cupboard...
may I borrow that?

Lil · 18/10/2007 20:14

MLL we're all crazy when it comes to our kids, but I'm with the SN girls - when you've gotSEN kids you do gain perspective on life. Its a shame that's what it takes to jolt us out of our cosy bubbles.

I wish I could change my nickname to 'FGS stop worrying, your life is bloody excellent'.

Then pop up on all AIBU threads!!

pagwatch · 18/10/2007 20:16

Scary
I absoloutely agree that we worry about our childrens education - I have three kids in three different school. It is tricky.
I think people are only 'hot' about the anxiety being about the education of a child somewhat younger than a foetus.....

boolepew · 18/10/2007 20:17

Twig, this is a ok name, one I read earlier was ineedapoo.(may have been a name change, some shite about a kitten in a washing machine). Sorry! As you were

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