Cost of private schools - the extras

[lilC]

Hi, we are considering private school for DD, in particular at Caterham Prep or Banstead Prep. Want to know from those who have kids in private schools, how high are the cost of add ons ontop of the fees? Do the schools tend to require a lot of extras, schedule trips etc build up in cost. Trying to understand whether we could afford the commitment. Thanks for those who can help.

Yes and for us it was also the stress of DD having so many rich friend who were constantly off to far-flung destinations every single break. Disneyland was normal as were skiing holidays each year...sometimes more than one. Then when it comes to playdates and parties...you do feel the difference. Arriving at a literal mansion for a tea party you can't help but think "What do they think of our 3 bed semi!"

Not for us. My 2 are currently at prep and dinners and field/day trips are all included. Add ins are extra curricular things like lambda, learning an instrument etc which most do, but not all. Every 2years there is a big ski trip to Canada which costs around 2000 but it’s a mixed uptake and you don’t have to go. (Think around 30 went last year out of a possible 120).
I Think it also depends on the school you choose. I would say we are bottom in terms of earning and wealth (3 bed semi here too and battered up 10 year old car) and although I’ve been to a few crazy parties, most parents are sensible and double up with others in their class to try and keep the kids grounded and party costs down. It probably helps that we have a large percentage of families where both parents work to pay the fees.
There are some amazing houses that we heave been to and some even have staff, but these are generally not the norm in our prep.
Lots go on amazing holidays to Mauritius etc but that won’t ever be us and I don’t feel inferior for it and neither do my kids - only once has one child gloated about it to my kids in 6 years.
I guess what I’m saying is chose the school you like the feel of and go with your gut. Check out the parents at the school gate at drop off and pick up and you’ll have a much better idea of the way the school operates and the demographic of the families. Should say that we are in SW London for context so may be different where you are

Think % fee increases are often a bigger issue.

@Dozer

Think % fee increases are often a bigger issue.

I agree with this. If I was wondering if I could afford it at the start (when the fees are the cheapest), then I wouldn't send them. The fees only get more expensive, and the worry about affordability would only get worse.

DD in year one and there have been hardly any extras so far (although a lot of stuff has been cancelled). Lunch / snacks included, clubs are free if run by a teacher. Uniform not cheap but they do have a second hand shop.

Schools usually don’t publish their fee increases over time, but a friend with DC there who has tracked it reports that a private school near us (home counties) has increased 20% in five years!

My sister in law said extras amount to 3k per year.

Personally unless I could easily afford private school fees I wouldn't want the stress.

Yep the fee increase is one to watch. Ours went up another 3% this year.

We’re still in junior school so no expensive trips. In a normal year there are lots of extra activities but you don’t have to do them - not every one does.

Uniform is very expensive on the first buy. I spent over a £1000 this year in both my dc when my youngest joined kindergarten. But there is usually a nearly new shop ( which on both schools I’ve been in is actually very popular) The uniform pisses me off tbh as I had to spent over £60 quid for two bloody hats that they are not allowed to wear because of covid ( but they do look cute)

Ours you can opt out for lunch, I have one on packed lunch as she is a fussy eater and one isn’t.

A lot of parents send their kids private because they simply can afford it and it’s their way of life. I also know of quite a few families who’s in-laws pay for the children to go. For us it’s an investment in to their education and early years development. The state schools are shit near me so it’s worth it.

@FortunesFave

Yes and for us it was also the stress of DD having so many rich friend who were constantly off to far-flung destinations every single break. Disneyland was normal as were skiing holidays each year...sometimes more than one. Then when it comes to playdates and parties...you do feel the difference. Arriving at a literal mansion for a tea party you can't help but think "What do they think of our 3 bed semi!"

I'm sure there were plenty of kids who didn't do or have all that. Kids at private schools come from all levels of income, wherever one is in life there are people better off. Not many live in a 'mansion' for goodness sakes and who gives a toss about Disneyland? It's not everyone's idea of Nirvana and plenty of people go there, and skiing, who are not privately educated.

If people are going to be feeling 'inferior' and overly conscious of the material wealth of others, their child will have a complex. It's such a snobbish attitude! Most kids don't notice until their parents point things out. My son was privately educated, is still friends with his school pals and others, and none of them were like that. They were and are confident in themselves.

A three bed semi is quite normal.

What's important is what they learn, their values, the genuine friendships they make and the fun they have.

There are 'extras' at all schools, some are optional.

essstan1 I agree.

My son is in his second year at a prep school in Berkshire. I wouldn't say that the extras add up to be unmanageable. We pay extra for LAMDA lessons, school meals and before and after care. We both work so having this provision is invaluable. There is usually a theatre trip to the panto at Christmas but that's all in the lower years.

You need to check what is included. Some charge for lunch, clubs, sports coaching, curriculum trips others don't. Drama , instrumental lessons , dance, after school swimming , learning support etc are usually extra as are residentisl trips. At secondary you slso get exam fees. At one point dc extras were up to 10% of fees.

Typically our extras were £250 a term not including extended trips which were optional and my dd didn't go on any. Boarding school though so food etc was in base fees

Lunches
Transport (school bus)
Trips - so maybe £20 for a day trip including a bus hire if they don’t have a bus or walk)
Older kids - annual trip maybe £500 (expeditions aren’t compulsory and can be 350-1000 much more if they go skiing)
Uniform - more expensive because they are generally from the school shop or particularly supplier (schools usually have good second hand sales for blazers etc)

Thank you all for the quick responses. Its useful information to think about. I will certainly check out the school car parks for the kind of families. We are working parents and I think it would be nice to send DD to a school will a good balance.

Caterham at least has a well established second hand uniform shop with items a fraction of price new. Banstead being newer may not yet have such a good supply coming through. However it gets refreshed every few years so pe stuff for example, soon become obsolete.

The only "extras" that I've found which have been very expensive are optional trips (like the rugby tour to Japan!).

The sports kit has been the most expensive part of the uniform but uniform can be expensive for all schools TBH - when DS1 started his was actually cheaper than the popular state school nearby.

Over the years all 3 of mine have been to the full variety of friends houses from terraced to "huge detached on a private road" and it's not been a problem coming from a suburban semi.

And down worry about the Uber rich kids - DS has been at school with all sorts and some have been seriously rich (foreign royalty and footballer rich) and it’s not been an issue. He knows we work, he knows other parents work and that we buy the best we can with what we have.

Apart from when the children were small and went to a classmates party at an embassy house and it had a lift - the kids were all so impressed!

Please do call the Admissions office and we’ll be happy to be completely transparent about extras and their cost, second hand uniform availability and historical fee increases.
The point about other families also varies from school to school and it’s a valid question to ask about the types of families at the schools you are considering.
My children also attended BPS so as well as the facts I can give a personal insight 😊
Head of Admissions at BPS

Hardly any so far at ds’ prep school, just music lessons (optional), trips (none above £20 last 3 yrs).
We live in a semi.

Jessstan I can assure you that the school my DD attended (on a full bursary) was indeed like that. It was a very good school of course but there was only one bursary per. year and so in her group, she was quite unusual in that her home was ordinary and our income was lowish.

Well done to your daughter, FortunesFave. Did it matter that her home was 'ordinary' and you were on low income? I doubt the other kids thought anything of it.

At my son's school there was a boy whose dad was in prison, some sort of minor fraud. Everybody knew. The boy (who was/is quite gifted), and family were extremely hard up and the school helped them.

When the dad was back home again all his friends wanted to go round to see him. They were terribly disappointed that he wasn't any different to anyone else.

Wherever you are in life there are always people who are better off financially. It's not that important in the scheme of things.

Jess I did get some pointed/bitchy comments from some other Mothers...and DD was curious about why her little friends went on holidays all the time and we didn't.

In my opinion it is a myth that there’s loads of extras.

Uniform is expensive but second hand is thriving and absolutely no embarrassment in it whatsoever!

Usually a very fancy abroad trip once a year that a few years are invited to but only 30 or so in total go to. I big deal to never go in one.

And then a class trip to London or similar.... usually included in fees and just need to provide a packed lunch