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A thread for boarding school parents 2020

282 replies

TheWomanTheyCallJayne · 31/07/2020 11:45

Have we got such a thread?
I did look but couldn’t see one.
If we haven’t wouldn’t anyone like to join me in this thread to support each other during these strange times. Getting a child off to boarding school is hard enough anyway for so many reasons but it’s decidedly more difficult at this time.
How are you all doing?

OP posts:
LulworthBlues · 25/08/2020 10:01

@Ifeelmuchlessfat laundry bags are your friend. However ask the school

Ifeelmuchlessfat · 25/08/2020 10:12

Lulworth could you post a link to the kind of thing you mean? I must admit I was thinking bin bags for the bedding, but might not strike the right note Grin

LulworthBlues · 25/08/2020 11:26

Something like these:

www.rexlondon.com/jumbo-storage-and-laundry-bags

You can get them in lots of online shops

Ifeelmuchlessfat · 25/08/2020 12:35

Excellent, thanks.

Sparticle · 25/08/2020 15:24

So after all my tuck box researching, DH went and bought DS a bloomin tool box! The HM's recent email to parents did say that that could be an option but I didn't really think we'd buy DS one. I can't even fit a round cake in it!

Anyway, the case is mostly packed to drop off tomorrow, along with all the bedding (just in a big bag, not a laundry bag but I'll get one for the future) and a suit carrier full of shirts etc. Not sure if it will be unpacked by the matrons or just taken up to his room but at least it is less to have to take next week.

Londonmummy66 · 25/08/2020 16:41

muchlessfat I think suitcases are usually a better bet - DC each have a set of three that fit one inside the other like Russian dolls. The small one is then used for coming home at exeat.

Best bit is that due to the size of musical instrument she plays and the need for a bike to get around the site DD and I need to take her to school on the train while DH drives down with the stuff as there is no room in the car.

LulworthBlues · 25/08/2020 16:59

I think it depends on the school. The school my child is at they just would not have the room for lots of cases and trunks. The laundry bags just fold flat and are stored until the end of the year.

Ifeelmuchlessfat · 25/08/2020 21:39

Another question... how do you label iPads, laptops, phones, EarPods etc? And do you insure?

Londonmummy66 · 25/08/2020 22:45

muchlessfat I got the shoe labels from Cash's and stuck those on gadgets etc. They have a clear plastic layer to put over the top for extra adhesion. Mine don't take earpods to school as too easy to lose. I insure as an extra on the house insurance.

Motorcyclemptiness · 26/08/2020 08:33

Many schools offer personal possessions insurance for pupils, ifeelmuchlessfat

pelldell · 28/08/2020 08:15

My son is going to a full time boarding school for the first time. The headmaster has said the parents are not allowed to visit at all. Parents are not allowed in the house on the first day to help the boys unpack. Is this usual ? It seems harsh not to be allowed to visit your child at all. Seems like boarding is going back to what it was 50 years ago.Can they do this ? My son is 13. I understand about minimising risk but day schools and weekly boarding schools will have to cope. I don't want to not see my son. I'm feeling very anxious about it. Any suggestions on what to do/ how to approach this ?

Sparticle · 28/08/2020 09:14

Morning pelldell - it's the same for parents dropping off their DC when term starts at my DS's school. We dropped nearly everything off this Wednesday (we aren't far from the school) and were allowed in to unpack everything. When I asked the matrons why we could then but not next week, they said it was because they can do another deep clean before Tuesday when the boys are dropped off for the start of school. But on that day I assume the boarding houses are covid-secure for them and once they boys arrive they form their bubble so parents cannot enter.

I don't know about visiting I'm afraid, but again, I assume it's for Covid reasons.

Pythonesque · 28/08/2020 11:06

Similar for my two, visiting by appointment only for one, not at all I think for the other(the one at a boarding only school). In both cases the kids will have to help each other with their stuff rather than us as would normally happen. Its going to be tough on first years but I think the schools are planning pretty carefully and will support them well.

loveyouradvice · 28/08/2020 11:52

Hi ... I'm a first time boarding parent for a sixth former ... I imagine some of you have experience and advice??

I've already found this thread useful around period pants and mattress toppers!

Love any other top tips of what to take and particularly what helps a nervous but excited sixth former settle in, having been used to lots of privacy and their own bathroom!

Barbthebuilder · 28/08/2020 15:08

Headphones
Instant noodles (pot noodles type)
Lots of socks
Some books- old favourites to re-read might be nice
Padlocks for desk/tuck box
More socks
A hanging photo display- plastic so it can be wiped
Spare naming labels in case if new purchases
And more socks 😜

Barbthebuilder · 28/08/2020 15:09

Ah sorry that was a list on my phone, where did the formatting go???!!

Sparticle · 28/08/2020 16:29

I thought that was your shopping list at first barbthebuilder Grin

@loveyouradvice I remember there was a thread on here from a year or two ago which was for a DD going into sixth form boarding. If I can find it again, I'll post a link.

Sparticle · 29/08/2020 10:26

Help - had my first real wobble this morning. DS came to me and said that he was sad as he was not going to see me ‘for the next few years’. Sad

I said that it was only weekly boarding so we’d still see each other at weekends but I can’t deny that I was lost for words as my heart broke a bit and I kept back the tears. He said that he could go to the local comp which is only 20 mins away (and I know he loves the school he is going to).

What do I say to him? How do I acknowledge his sadness, and perhaps mine, whilst not being totally dismissive and breezily saying ‘oh it’ll be fine DS’. He’s never shown any negativity towards boarding at all so I haven’t had any qualms or wobbles but this morning I feel quite upset.

All advice welcome. Confused

ChequerBoard · 29/08/2020 11:00

Having a wobble is quite natural. Starting a new school is scary at the best of times, and times are strange right now.

I have 2 DC that are weekly boarders, both started in Y7, with DD17 now going into her final year as a Y13 and DS13 going into Y9. They both enjoy boarding and are looking forward to going back next week to see their friends and frankly, to get out of the house and on with their education.

With both of mine, we had a few heart to heart discussions before they started boarding where we talked about how important it is for them to tell us honestly and openly how things are going at school. Not to just say 'it's fine' but to tell it like it really is - because we want to know how they are feeling and to help them as best we can deal with any issues they have.

We also said that it's not going to be perfect all the time, some weeks will be harder than others. Understanding that up front and knowing that the important thing is to talk about it so we can help them to get things back on track has worked well for us.

Obviously we didn't do this all in one go, more several little 1-2-1 conversations e.g. in the car on the way somewhere. But I think it's been an important part of the great relationships we have with each of them.

Sorry if this sounds trite and it's not what you wanted to know.

Sparticle · 29/08/2020 12:13

No that doesn’t sound trite at all @ChequerBoard. Little and often conversations are the way to go, I agree. DS still isn’t great with messaging on his phone so we will have that one about communication before Tuesday, thanks for the suggestion. It’s hard because part of me wants to ignore any wobbles because I’m scared that talking about it will make it worse but I do know that’s not the way to go.

Londonmummy66 · 29/08/2020 19:34

@loveyouradvice - I have one going into year 13 and a Yr12 new starter. If you PM me I'll happily email you my packing list.

More generally I'd suggest the following -
fairy lights or bunting to jazz up their space. Both of mine have the type of lights that come with some mini pegs for clipping photos on.

Also, school is likely to supply a noticeboard of some sort in the dorm so perhaps a pretty sheet of wrapping paper to cover it and some pretty drawing/push pins to stick things on it. Last year DC1 was able to pop out to buy that but this year they can't go into town.

Both of mine have bought furry throws for snuggling, apparently v useful for chillaxing in the common room (if they are allowed in there with COVID rules) and a pretty cushion for their bed.

On the practical side a good supply of stationery if the school doesn't supply it, including the things like a stapler, paperclips etc that they might not remember for themselves.

A tube of travel handwashing detergent so they can handwash anything they don't want to give to matron (expensive lingerie bought with their birthday money tends to die in a communal laundry)

At least 2 heavy periods worth of san pro, multiple pocket packs of tissues, some nice mini bottles of handsanitiser, a pair of flip flops for wearing in the shower.

sewing kit plus spare name tapes and a laundry marker pen in case anything falls off/slips through the named item net and a shoe cleaning kit.

I suspect there will be a lot more time in dorms than last year so I would suggest putting the kindle app on their tablet/laptop and giving them some amazon credit so that they can instantly access a new reading book if needed.

Londonmummy66 · 29/08/2020 20:00

THis is the thread Sparticle mentioned www.mumsnet.com/Talk/education/3671519-New-boarder-what-to-pack
started by me - what a lot has happened since then - I think boarding will be rather different this year to what we anticipated a year ago....

Sparticle · 29/08/2020 20:59

Ah @Londonmummy66 thanks for posting that, I couldn’t find it again. Obviously I didn’t know it was your thread - I had it saved in my watch list for months when we had decided to board DS :)

So after this morning, we went out as a family and while I was in the queue to get our lunch, DH had a quiet word with DS about how he felt. Apparently he had said that to me this morning as he was more concerned about me not seeing him which is incredibly perceptive of him, given I’ve tried not to talk about how much I’ll miss him etc. We have lots of interests in common though and a shared sense of humour so I know I’ll miss him but I can just spam his WhatsApp with daft things Grin

I had a word with him tonight about communication too but I’ll mention that one or two times (‘little and often’) before we drop him off on Tuesday.

For now, we are going to enjoy this BH weekend while the sun is shining it isn’t raining for once.

loveyouradvice · 30/08/2020 15:32

Thank you Sparticle and londonmummy.... great lists! Much appreciated.

And yes we had a mega wobble last night as couldn't understand that we weren't more said she's going away!!!!!!

Ended up rather beautifully talking about childhood cuddly toys she is going to take.... very moving!

So darn grown-up, and yet not....

Londonmummy66 · 30/08/2020 21:37

loveyouradvice - it really hit me today that this time next week they will both be gone. Sad I'm dreading the empty nest. We had fun yesterday picking out stationery and DD2 has listed all her cuddly toys for packing. They include a 4ft high seated dog that she leans against when sitting in bed. I have pointed out she already needs to take the train whilst DH drives the car with most of her stuff in as she won't fit so the dog is really not a good idea....

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