Prep boarding?!

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My 7 yo who is about to start in year 3 is begging us to board.
We've sat through with her about what boarding entails, said no mummy or daddy mon-fri no cuddles no toys etc.
She still wants to board with her friends.
Am I nuts to consider this? The school are asking for parents to confirm ASAP and I don't even know how I feel about it. We are close enough to pay and lose the money and revert back to a day student worst case.
Should I allow her to try it?!

Dp was sent away to boarding school at 7 years old.

He loved it but I don’t think long term it has done him or his brother any good.

I actually think they would have done better in life if they had stayed at home and gone to an ordinary primary school and then the local grammar.

I can’t really put my finger on it but I recognise something in other people who boarded f/t from a young age.

Maybe because I was in and out of the care system and intermittent boarding school which I preferred than having to be at home with my unstable mother that I recognise the signs in other people.

I understand at 11 if the child actually wants to and if it is flexi or weekly boarding it can be a good thing. But I think parents need to understand that even though there might be a fantastic and caring person in charge of looking after your dc. For a lot of the staff they are only there because they are paid to be there and for most of the staff it is a job and there is a lack of supervision.

I know from my own experience and from years later living in an area where there was a f/t boarding school that it is hard for a handful of people to track the whereabouts of everyone in their charge.

No, I went to boarding school aged 11 and I’m fine, my sister went aged 9 and is traumatised by it (same boarding school at the same time).

@GabrielleChanel

I am agreeing with what others here say. No way Jose. Former boarder myself and now my kids are at the age I was when I went I am incredulous that anyone could ship off anyone so young. My relationship with my family is not normal I am struggling to parent my own children because my own upbringing was so binary of school or home. I would def advise against

I was just the same. When my children turned 7, I felt utterly horrified that I went to board at that age. It really, really bothered me.

7 is young I think. Not many 7 year olds who board in the UK.
My sons started at a month shy of 10 and the other a month shy of 9. 4 nights a week boarding and home on Fridays. They enjoyed it for two reasons; one access to the evening hobbies (their passions ... sport and what not) and two, avoiding car journeys commuting twice a day. They come from a loving, secure family where both parents are home all the time. It’s a great platform to try boarding if their home life is very secure and loving. I also went to see them mid week every week to watch matches.
I don’t think a 7 year old would get a huge amount out of boarding and would miss out on necessary parental support if they did board. You will be able to gauge in the coming months and years when is the right time to dip her toe into boarding, be it flexi or weekly or later on, full? Mine went full boarding at 13 and to be honest within a year at 14+, they are much more interested in friends than hanging out with parents - at least those that are suited to boarding anyway! If they are homesick at 13+ then boarding isn’t right for them imo. My older son has never experienced any homesickness at all which I think is odd! My younger son has on quiet evening a at school in the early days literally a couple of times but still didn’t want the hassle of going daily when I asked him so it wasn’t significant homesickness. When you do decide to try boarding, keep the door open for them at all times so it’s always a positive choice they’ve backed rather than ever feel cornered into “making work”.

To OP also I have worked as an adult
at a different senior boarding school in a non pupil contact role but spoke to the matrons etc
They are all just ticking boxes, all the extra curricular stuff is just to keep them all moving so they don't have time to miss home or misbehave. It's , like a conveyor belt and the staff simpler can't give the attention to the kids that is needed no matter what the pastoral care glossy brochure says

I loved my boarding school, If you had asked me as a 9 Year old, I would have said was happy then but then I didn't know any different, did I?

She wants to board with her friends? Does she have a lot of friends boarding?

To be honest if she was still keen in a few terms (and flexiboarding was still not back on the table) I would let her try it. She would pretty soon know whether she liked it or not. If not, back to being a day girl.

It seems a shame if she is asking for it. It would be different if you were forcing her to go and she didn't want to.

Boarding for young ones is nothing like it used to be, it's fun, the staff really do care and everything is done to make the experience a good, positive one. I have worked in boarding schools and speak from experience, or maybe I have only been in the good ones. We always worked towards a "home from home" experience so that the boarding house really felt like a second family atmosphere. If this is the case it will not harm a 7 year who is actually asking to try it, especially if they know they can stop if it doesn't live up to their expectations.

Do some flexi boarding once Covid is over. You’ve got lots of time.

My DCs fully boarded at 8yrs and 7yrs respectively in a kind, caring, nurturing prep school and they loved it and we are so grateful for the fabulous experience that they had. They still talk fondly of their prep school days and are now very happy, secure teenagers with very close family bonds with us, their parents. As a family we have no regrets. Although school was 3hrs away, we went to nearly every match and never missed birthdays or special occasions, being self employed does help with flexibility.

It was great for us all and I would do it all again in a heartbeat! Lockdown has proved that it has had no adverse effect on our family unit...lockdown has been fab!

Perhaps you can explain that you'd be OK with flexiboarding when possible, if she's still keen when that's allowed then you can see how it goes? It might be complicated to start boarding now and pull out because of COVID.

I boarded from 10 and liked it, and DD age 7 wants to, but she really doesn't have a clue. I plan to send her on an activity holiday once they open up again, and if she really wants to board come sixth form, that may be possible. I like to think we're a good enough family that living in it will be best for her, however annoying her brothers are...

@TattingerFizzer that's really good to know, my DH is quite keen for our DC to board and one of my biggest worries is whether the DC will remain close.

Yes dd is very keen, those saying I should be concerned, she's an only dc that's been shut up for months in lockdown with working parents and is very lonely. We are now obviously seeing as many friends as possible but with all of her activities still cancelled now until further notice, we are well out of sync with providing company for her as we usually did.
Hopefully once school starts up we can get back to at least some normality.

We spoke to the school and asked them to let us know as soon as flexi boarding starts up again and we will allow her a night here and there to see how she gets on.

Just why have kids to only see them on weekends, or worse, during school holidays? Why?

Even if the school is lovely, they will question that deep down as they get older. Kids need to feel wanted and loved, how can they if their parent is happy to hand them over to live at a school 90% of the time?! Childhood is so short, surely you miss out on seeing and helping them grow.

I dunno I just find it really sad. All the kids that boarded that I know (even where the school was lovely) have issues with their parents and a deep feeling of being unloved.

No, no, no, no, no. Teachers can't replace love from a family and the consequences are life long. Watch 'Whats Life Like in a Private British Boarding School, leaving home at 8 years old' on YouTube. That shows some children who are desperate to board and their reactions and the reality.

Just wait until they re-introduce flexi.

My DS is in a similar position. He's been at his Prep since reception- we live almost directly outside of the school gates. He started begging to board in Y4 because lots of his friends did occasional nights and he just saw it as a sleepover he wasn't invited to. He is an only-child too. We said no until Y5, then caved and said once a week tops. He loves it. However, there are weeks when he says he doesn't want to be booked in- because he is tired or whatever- and there has been one occasion when he was booked in but phoned to say he wanted to come home. He still wants to do more- we have said maybe 2 nights/week in year 7 and 8.

He has missed it in lockdown and when I told him flexi was cancelled but weekly would still be happening, he did ask to do weekly. We said definitely not. I'm sure flexi will be back soon!

No, I wouldn't and didn't until age 11.
It sounds like an adventure at first but if she's homesick will put her off for life.
can they not just stay over for special events, my dd school allow this. I think it's £30 a night or something similar.
Mine is 6th form now and still enjoys boarding, and has missed her friends and house so much since march, but I know we made the right decision to wait.

Just thought too, it's not going to be much fun for them atm.
We have lists of what to expect and it's nothing like before.
Single rooms for a start and serious social distancing. No activities in the common room outside a small bubble.
Mine has 3 friends she is allowed contact with outside the classroom.
I'd wait until we are back to normal, maybe next year if we were in that position now.

Everything is fine with boarding when everything is going well, it's the times when things aren't that matters.

My dc went at 14 and I'm glad they'd seen normal school and home life prior. Whatever anyone says house parents cannot replace a functioning family.

We also found the loss of control you have over your dc very difficult. Even if you strongly disagree with something you have to lump it.

As you can tell I have mixed feelings but definitely the older the better.

In my opinion 7 is far too young. The reality is that however kind staff are they are still staff. By the very nature of that they can't always be rooting for your child in the way that parents do. They have to consider the whole cohort equally, you, as parents do not. Sometimes kids have fallings out, not necessarily bullying, but upsetting all the same. It's good to be able to come home at the end of the day and have a rest from it all and maybe chat to parents about things. Staff can be lovely but they are paid professionals which is not the same as home and parents at this age. Little things which blow over when the day ends at 4.00 can take on a totally different perspective when you have to meet the child/children/teacher at breakfast/supper and bed time as well as during a normal day. Time enough for learning to stand totally on their own two feet and hold their own in a group setting away from home. No need for that to begin at 7.

I think weekly boarding at about 12/13 can be great for some children. No long commute. Designated times for homework/sport/hobbies. No arguments about homework ext. Great for parents with long working weeks as well, then catch up time every weekend so any issues don't build up. Even then only if the child in question is, in general, happy. But age 7? Not for me.

I think you're right to wait till flexi boarding is possible again.

I work in a boarding school and we have several 7 and 8 year olds who board one night a week - they love it because it's just like a sleepover with their friends (and for the parents it's cheaper than a babysitter so Friday nights are very popular!! ) We rarely have more than 1 or 2 weekly or full boarders that age though. The ones we do have are generally happy enough but it's not the same as having your family around all the time and not an ideal life for them. They usually have a good reason why they can't be at home (either military/foreign office or some kind of difficult family background). It's rare for 'normal', stable families to choose full boarding before age 10.

Flexi boarding will be back as soon as it possibly can be - not being able to offer it is a huge financial loss. We only have about 10 boarders next year without the international cohort and the flexi children!