Prep boarding?!

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My 7 yo who is about to start in year 3 is begging us to board.
We've sat through with her about what boarding entails, said no mummy or daddy mon-fri no cuddles no toys etc.
She still wants to board with her friends.
Am I nuts to consider this? The school are asking for parents to confirm ASAP and I don't even know how I feel about it. We are close enough to pay and lose the money and revert back to a day student worst case.
Should I allow her to try it?!

I wouldn't consider it in a million years. I went to boarding school (muh older than your daughter) and it is the last thing I would consider for my own children.

She needs to be with people who love her. It's that simple.

Ok thanks. My sister boarded and loved it but from 11. I've seen the boarding houses and met other prep boarders at party's etc and they don't appear deeply unhappy.

My son flexi boards (prep age) and absolutely loves it. He has really missed the social aspect of boarding during lockdown. 7 is a bit young - I would say 9 to flexi board minimum

My daughter started full boarding at age 8, and utterly loves it. It’s a very difference experience now compared to say even 20 years ago.

Could she do some flexi boarding? Treat it like a sleepover and see how it goes? A close friend boarded from that age and it was quite traumatic.

Please don’t. And I say that as someone who works in a boarding school. I see the 7 year olds and it’s sad. Also although there are designated “boarding parents” in the boarding houses what has shocked me is how much of the “caring” for the kids is actually done by gap year students. It’s like living with a few teenage babysitters rather than your own parents.

Thank you. Unfortunately we were planning to flexi boarding and that option has been cancelled due to Covid.
I think I agree to wait then.

Of course they don't look deeply unhappy all the time. That's a pretty low bar, though.

They are being cared for by paid staff who don't love them. This is not developmentally optimal for them, on many levels. When children are institutionalised out of necessity - children's homes, long-term hospital stays etc - it is widely acknowledged that the lack of a loving primary carer is damaging, and efforts are made to mitigate this. Why anybody would inflict this deficit on their own child out of choice is beyond me.

Yes perhaps I'm being naive. My sister boarded but from 11 and was very happy.
7 is young. It's only because my 7yo is asking that I would even consider it.

Flexi boarding once or twice a week with the option to give it a miss if they don’t fancy - fantastic. Full boarding at 7, not in a gazillion years. At 11, open to discussion, at 13, why not if they want to, at 16, great idea.

I think you are right to wait til 11 minimum OP. I think at 7 she probably has an idealised idea of what it would be like - and I'm sure it would be fun a lot of the time. I think at 11 a child has a much clearer understanding of what it entails.

Children don’t know what’s good for them. I also have a friend who boarded from age 5 - apparently he was desperate to go because his elder brothers were boarding. He and his brothers all say now that they seemed fine on the surface but it was terrible for them to board from so young, they’ve all had difficulty with relationships etc and had counselling. If it’s a necessity or the best available option for a family (eg military families may prefer stability for kids than constant moves) then fine, but it’s really not a good option otherwise.

Definitely start by letting her flexi board so she can see how it really is.

Seven is SO young.... I think saying when you are a bit older is a good approach...

Just read about all the key development that happens psychologically between 7 and say 11... it is SO significant. Separation from a loving family unit at this age is not helpful.... doesn't mean they wouldn't enjoy it, but that key secure development is less likely to happen

Thanks all. You've confirmed what I am thinking, I want her to at least try jarring one day, I'm happy to throw money and pull her. out immediately at any age if she was unhappy but yes 7 seems so young. Some of her friends are doing it.
It's such a shame the flexi option has been cancelled. Without a doubt I would have at least tried this.
I wondered if I was also selfishly wanting her home all the time when she seemed so adamant she wants to go and stay at school. Good news I suppose is at least she just enjoy day school enough to want to stay there!

Try boarding not jarring?!

Too young unless you have circumstances that require you to board e.g. military family.

I think one or two nights a week flexi boarding is a real adventure and a brilliant idea but wouldn’t touch anything more with a barge pole. 11 upwards is the best age.

I work with kids aged 7 to 16 at a residential summer camp in the USA and my eldest will be weekly boarding from September aged 11 so am all for the benefits boarding gives a child. The children younger than 10 do struggle a bit though, even in a really full on and fun environment like summer camp. Things like losing teddy or not wiping properly after going to the toilet can really affect a child mentally. As they get older they can deal with things like that much more rationally. When things like that happen when you are 7 you just want mum or dad to help you through it. It doesn’t matter how wonderful the grown ups are around you, it’s just not the same.

She won’t miss out if you wait a while until COVID19 restrictions are relaxed and flexi boarding is on the table again.

Our daughter's friend has just opted for full boarding at her own initiative and she's 10. But she's an only child living on a remote farm so gets very bored.
My sister went from 8 and my brother went from 10 and my sister is still very bitter about it?? I would suggest from 8 you try flexi boarding with one or two nights a week and take it from there. Better that she wants to do than gets put off?

A 7yo has zero real life insight as to living away from home 5 days a week in a new and unfamiliar place. She probably has an image in her head of popcorn and sleepovers lol.

I wouldn't, she might look back as an adult and feel incredulous and hurt you agreed to it.

I dont understand why anyone would put their kids in boarding school until sixth form if I'm honest, its cruel.

She has no idea what it will be like. I’m sure they will reintroduce flexi boarding soon. Keep her as a day girl until then.

I boarded from 7, would have told anyone that I was happy, and it certainly would have appeared so. My parents were like strangers by the time I left school, I never lived at home again.

I am agreeing with what others here say. No way Jose.
Former boarder myself and now my kids are at the age I was when I went I am incredulous that anyone could ship off anyone so young.
My relationship with my family is not normal
I am struggling to parent my own children because my own upbringing was so binary of school or home.
I would def advise against

@GabrielleChanel

Parents of young boarders always say 'Oh they LOVE it, they would HATE to miss out on spending all that time with their friends' and I'm like seriously it reminds me of separated parents where one refuses to take them for no good reason because 'they prefer it at their dad's/mum's'.

Even if they say they do they are too young to make such informed decisions, but the parents leap on it to justify their own wants.

Another one saying don't send her. I worked at a school that takes boarders from age 9+ and always hated it, I thought they were much too young. The kids were not happy. Even a year made a big difference to their readiness for it so I would say 10+ minimum.

When she's a bit older starting with flexi boarding would be ideal. Some 9 year olds at my old school used to do it and loved the odd night away from home.

Thanks. It's been particularly useful to hear from those working in them. I will save my ££ and it's back to day school she goes.

I would be questioning why my 7year old wants to leave home
If it’s anything of than “the Hogwarts effect” I would be pretty worried