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Education

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Original poster

Boarding schools - is anyone for them?

62 replies

mwamwa · 18/09/2007 11:05

We live in S London and I have a son aged 8 and a DH who says that his prep boarding school days were the 'best of his life'. Tomorrow I am going to look at a boarding school to possibly send DS to next year. Not having done boarding myself it all seems very alien but I can also see the benefits. DS is not accademic and is desperately keen to go - he has a vivid imagination and sees it all as a huge adventure! I have heard all the negatives (he is state educated at the moment) but can anyone give any positive views to boarding.

OP posts:

BeetrootBevan · 18/09/2007 11:19

I teach in a boarding school

I think they have their place

i would not send mine to one. I am hoping that my kids lives with us a family are the best times of their lives tbh!

Gobbledigook · 18/09/2007 11:20

god no

not for me, not for my kids

expatinscotland · 18/09/2007 11:22

No, they're not for me or our family.

DarrellRivers · 18/09/2007 11:22

I would miss them too too much to even consider it.
The reality is often vvv different to the imagined

Hurlyburly · 18/09/2007 11:24

There was a thread on this recently. As a product of a boarding school, I would never send my children to one. If you want to go private, what about a private day school?

MrsMarvel · 18/09/2007 11:25

Yes, Monday-Thursday nights and during termtime only. And only for some kids who are really happy there, benefit from the intensive education that they would get and enjoy it.

But my father went to boarding school and only saw his mother once a week for a few hours and short holidays. He was deeply unhappy and we have all suffered because of his broken relationship with his mother.

TheApprentice · 18/09/2007 11:27

I went to boarding school and hated it. Maybe your son will be different,(and there do seem to be people who love it) but I agree that the reality is v different from the fantasy.

I read Malory Towers and thought it was going to be like that. Of course it isnt. The truth is that there are times when a child needs his/her Mum and Dad and they just arent there.

RosaLuxembourg · 18/09/2007 11:31

I went to boarding school at 12. DH went at 8. We both hated it and can honestly say that we would never, never send our children to one.

DarrellRivers · 18/09/2007 11:31

Send him to a good private day school.
Enjoy your time with him
He is still young, perhaps you could re-visit it at 11 or at sixth form level.
It seems so to me
I was a day pupil at a boarding school(riddled with bitchiness and eating disorders) and by golly , those who were miserable were really miserable.
That said some of my good friends were boarders and they seem to have ended up ok.

Original poster

mwamwa · 18/09/2007 11:31

Yes, but Hurlyburly, my is not accademic and London private day schools (especially in S London) seem so fiercely competitive and full of exceptionally pushy parents (perhaps a slight exaggeration). I don't think he'd have a hope in hell of getting into these schools. If anyone can recommend a nice, friendly, relaxed London day private school - easily accessible to Wandsworth then let me know!! Hence looking at relaxed boarding school down the A3.

OP posts:

preggersagain · 18/09/2007 11:32

i loved boarding school and got a hell of a lot out of it, my ds's will be going at 13 as will dd although i haven't decided on which school for dd yet.

If they don't enjoy it they don't have to stay, i will ask them to try the first term and then if they are unhappy we will certainly move them.

I think the quality and the atmosphere of the school is the most important aspect, take your time and see if they do 'trial weekends' etc.

I ended up living boarding life to the full, got fantastic exam results and took part in activities and trips i could have otherwise only dreamt of! It suits some people but not others i guess!

NKF · 18/09/2007 11:33

I think there are non-pushy private day schools. They won't be as prestigious as the pushy ones but perhaps you don't mind that.

I know people who've enjoyed boarding school but they do seem to be the people whose alternative was changing schools and countries every few years.

Wilbur · 18/09/2007 11:38

Dh went to boarding school at 7. He said it was fine, but would not send his children at that age, no way. I think when they are 13, there are some children who do benefit from a boarding life, esp if parents work long hours etc etc, but it is very much an individual thing. I can't imagine sending ds1 away ever - let alone next September when he would be 7! Apart from me pining and missing his company, dd would be bereft - it really changes the family dynamic when one child goes away and the other are left.

mwamwa - have you looked at Hornsby House? Not far from Wandsworth (between Wands common and Balham and v relaxed, lovely school, we had a look round and were v impressed.

earlgrey · 18/09/2007 11:42

mw, what made you look at boarding schools in the first place? There are some mums at school who have boarded, and H used to work at a boarding school, but that was a secondary school. They all ('cos we still live in the vicinity) seem to have enormous fun.

I couldn't bear (with dd2 coming up for 8) to be without her. What do you think the positives are? And what does ds think about it? Good luck in your choice.

I couldn't, but there may be good reasons why you want to.

SpawnChorus · 18/09/2007 11:45

I went to one, and there is no way I would send my children. I had a fairly crap time overall, and in particular the first 2-3 years were hellish. There was no escape if you were being teased/bullied. My parents had no idea that I hated it, because I just felt too guilty to admit it.

Admittedly I did well academically, and this may have been partly due to the fact that there were no distractions (boys, booze, parties etc), but then as soon as I got to university I felt pretty ill-equipped to do any self-policing.

I know that boarding school contributed to some of my more major character flaws - in real life I am fairly icily unemotional. I have no ability to confide in friends. I can't bear to be around 'emotional' people. These are not traits that I want to foster in my own children.

Hulababy · 18/09/2007 11:45

I couldn't send DD boarding. I would miss her far too much. I want her home with us as a family.

However, I can understand why some older children may go, if the alternative is living with parents working very long hours, moving house regularly or parents being located in an area of th worl with poor education options.

Anchovy · 18/09/2007 11:51

Actually my son is at a nice, non-pushy, private day school that's very accessible to Wandsworth. I can also think of several others around here. Happy to chat off board if you want to!

MrsMarvel · 18/09/2007 11:56

Out of interest, what's the difference between a private day school and a state school (in the sense of practicalities, not the obvious academic benefits sense)?

TheArmadillo · 18/09/2007 11:58

My cousin's stepson goes to one.

HAd a terrible time at the other school he went to, really badly bullied and not doing well at all academically. Transferred to a private school near home. He decided to be a weekly boarder (goes home at weekends).

They miss him terribly, but the change in him was amazing and he has thrived there.

He was 12/13 at time, and there was always option to stop boarding any time he wanted to.

Original poster

mwamwa · 18/09/2007 12:04

Have been totally absorbed in Vanessa Feltz's phone in this morning...subject 'boarding schools'! Hardly anyone had anything positive to say! Anchovy, am new to this game and would love to chat off board. How do I do that?

OP posts:

Hurlyburly · 18/09/2007 12:07

Mrs M, the differences between a private day school and a state school in terms of practicality are:

Longer holidays - 3/4 weeks longer
Longer school days
More activities after school
More matches/choirs etc at weekends

MrsMarvel · 18/09/2007 12:09

Darn, missed it. I love VF.
Is it possible that the negative feedback is because many children are put into boarding school because their parents put them in for their convenience and not the child's? Or because the children aren't confident enough to tell their parents about their unhappiness, or because their parents won't listen to them? Those children are bound to be unhappy whatever school they're at.

Cammelia · 18/09/2007 12:14

I'm thinking of dd boarding at 13. Reason being that I would have to move house for her to go as a day pupil to any of the schools I am interested in. She is at a prep at the moment which has some boarders and is currently trying out boarding 1 day pw. She likes it but it is pretty cosy where she is at the moment and I do think 1 day pw is nothing like full-time boarding.

duchesse · 18/09/2007 12:19

Mwamwa- how about a Steiner school for him? There must be some in SW London.

floaty · 18/09/2007 12:22

My ds2 aged 10 has SEN and with enormous reluctance on our part he has started this term boarding at a specialist prep school about an hour from home.I boarded and loved it but am not blind to it's disadvantages and am also aware that one reason I loved it is because I had an awful home life...luckily not the case for ds2 .The point is we could have left him where he was drfting along and likely to end up on bottom set with no specialst help(he is dyscaculic and dyspraxic,not easy to find trained specialists in this)or we can send him to this school where he is getting the most famtastic support and specialist teaching and the pastoral care is very good(This morning and yesterday had Email from HM telling me about his day etc and how he is settling and we speak to ds2 every day)and hopefully his oppportuneties for secondary level and in the future will be so much more.

So not all people send their children to board for snobbish or childcare reasons ,lots of us do it with a heavy heart but the knowledge that this is his best chance and if we don't do it we will feel that he may always have benefitted.

It is hard; ds2 comes home Friday after lunch and goes back on Monday morning and althouhg it is getting better I know that he is homesick some of the time and we miss him dreadfully but when I look at the alternatives i know that I cannot deny him this opportunety.

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