Real dilemma. Ds has told me he doesn't want to go to a grammar school...

[Blossomhill]

Just gone into year 5 and we are having him tutored. He asked if his friend's will be going. I had to answer honestly and say probably not (obviously ds is a 50/50 atm too, who knows?). He got quite upset and said he wanted to go where his friends are going. What do I do?

Havn't read all posts but can only say from personal experience I was in the same boat. Gained entry, made such a fuss because none of my friends would be going my parents gave in and I went to the local state school. It is one of my biggest regrets. If one of my boys was in a similar situation I would make them go. Sure they will be angry/sad with you for a while but children make friends. tbh I wasn't even in the same class as the friends I wanted to stay with and at the end of the first year we had made new friends and didn't even see each other outside school.

My mum tried to send me to a private school that I didn't want to go to and I deliberatly became a bolshy bitch in interview - they liked my spunk and offered me a place subject to passing exam so I tried to fail the exam. So as others have said you need to bear in mind that he could do this.

You need to take him to look around the school and find ways of convincing him that it is his choice, dd is about to move schools and we thought she would hate the thought of going as she loves her current school but once she saw the new place she changed her mind.

He will make friends very quickly, as a teacher I see lots of supset scared children in september worried they will never make friends and for most of them they have lots of friends very quickly.

Send him anyway, although of course if you tell him that he mail fail the 11+ on purpose. So tell him to do his best as his friends may pass and then he can choose.

Then say you've changed your mind. Very bad sneaky parenting I know. But once he's 19 I doubt he will be in touch with any of his current friends anyway.

I think we will just carry on and take the test next year. Thankfully you can take a mock about this time next year and the school then let you know if it's worth taking the real thing. So does leave option open and tbh the other school I wouldn't mind him going to. I guess it will all work out as always!

No time to read all the threads (I hate it when people say that but just about to eat and want to comment!)

I think for yr 5 children, the prospect of going to a school without their mates is incomprehensible. The fact of the matter is that once they get there, they all make new friends anyway - regardless of whether they go to a selective grammar (as my DS did) or a comp (as DCs of other friends outside this area did). I'd say you need to leave his options open as long as possible.