Anyone who thinks boarding *is* a good thing?

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Please, if you're against boarding don't reply, I've seen lots of arguments why people dislike it and I can see why, but would rather not have this turn into a bunfight.

I personally think it can be a brilliant opportunity, but would like to hear others opinions

There are lots of factors to consider. Sometimes, not boarding is not really worth it as travel means the son/daughter doesn’t get home until really late anyway. For my kids, I will be looking at schools with flexible boarding on offer.

I think the crux of the issue is whether or not the child wants to board and whether the school suits them. I wanted to board, loved my school and had a fantastic time, but other children in my year group didn’t want to be there or struggled with the academics and had a miserable time.

I went at 7 and it was awful. DD went at 16 and had a ball. Like all things school related, no single answer.

It hugely depends on the child - if they don't want to go it's a terrible idea, but if they do then it can be a great opportunity.

Caveat: no boarding before secondary age.

I completely agree that it can only work if the child wants to go.

I had a rough time but when I look back I appreciate the opportunities it gave me, particularly early independence (for all that boarding is very regulated, it does make you emotionally independent - whether you’re ready for that or not!)

A friend of mine who joined the school in the sixth form said that she thought that was the perfect age to start boarding - helped to develop the independence before university, but not too early.

I found the emotional independence made my relationship with my parents difficult during my teens and early 20s - I was too used to fending for myself. That said, we weren’t constantly in each other's company so we didn’t have so much of the teenage angst and acting out which we might have had I been at home.

And it gave me lots of opportunities to develop my music, as I had so much time to fill and an excellent music school in which to practise. And that in turn led to me meeting my DH, so I suppose that’s a pretty big positive too

(Overall I’m against boarding tbh but thought I would try to present a fair view of my experience!)

For a capable but lazy child who has a happy home life then weekly boarding (or home every 2 weeks or so) then it's fantastic.
I was the above child so very good for me to learn to look after myself, but the school had insufficient pastoral care and parents divorcing so wrong context I suppose. I was 12 when I went. 14 would have been better.

I personally think it can be a brilliant opportunity, but would like to hear others opinions

Well clearly you don't want to hear others opinions when you are directing people not to reply unless they think boarding is a good thing.

It can be good if your parents are neglectful or abusive

I went to a mixed boarding school in the 80s . I loved it. I am now in my 50s and still meet up with my old school friends on a regular basis, and we all talk fondly of our time at school. The relationships I forged in that time were amazing. I also learnt to be independent and I'm very confident. I would not of changed my school life for anything .

You’re going to love me OP

I’m neither a parent nor a boarder!

But......I began to notice that many of the most confident, best coping and least anxious people I met went to boarding schools. I’m single and very independent but they are just so much better at life than I am.

Or maybe it’s a posh thing? But if I had DC who actually wanted to go, I’d probably be for it....totally theoretical though.

It can be good for older children (14+)
The college I went to had a boarding school for sixth formers and they had a whale of a time and were old enough to have that independence.
I will never think it's a good idea for children aged under 12.

I know of a family where the child (12) is a day pupil at a school. The school is over an hour away from home. He has to get up at 6, be on the bus just after 7 and doesn't return home until 7pm, sometimes later if being coached for a sport he excels in. Weekends usually involve matches for said sport. I can't help but think he'd be better off as a boarder as is barely at home anyway and spends over 2 hours a day on the bus.

My DD admittedly for 6th form felt full boarding was wonderful. No long commute to school. Loads of activities on site so no commuting to or if school clubs and a social life on site at the weekend. It also meant we didn’t have to fetch and carry to school, activities and weekend parties.

Well it’s fantastic for children who come from unhappy homes for one. It can also be very good for children with boring parents who need a little more in their lives. Also great for children who have families that live very rurally and would otherwise miss out on a good education and so on. Obviously there are some children that won’t suit boarding (I wouldn’t have) but for many children it can be a really positive and fun experience (as can staying home for a little longer). I’ll be giving my children the option when the time comes if they want it.

it completely depends on the child and on the family. it totally wouldn't suit our family but but I have a friend whose kids have been very happy boarding.

both parents are very career oriented and although they love their kids to bits, realistically they only ever got one day each weekend to spend together as a family even when the kids lived at home year around. with them at boarding school the parents are both able to structure their time so they work crazy hours while the kids are away and then massively dial it back during holiday time so they can spend a lot of really good time with the kids when they are around. the kids have been able to pursue their extra-curricular interests way more than they could have at a day school because it's all on one site so they can do practice of their hobbies before breakfast and after dinner in ways that wouldn't be possible if they were living at home in term time.

It certainly takes a resilience and confidence in the child to thrive in that environment though.

If the child wants it then why not. But I personally would not send a child at primary age.

I know a child that boarded from 7. Normally I'd be completely soppy and emotional about such a thing ..but in this case to my surprised I believed it was the right thing.
The parents were divorced and the Dad largely absent overseas with a new young family. The Mum had a very busy job, travelled and was stressed beyond belief. Although they'd had after school etc nanny help the Mum seemed highly critical of every single nanny - several had been sacked.... In the end, the child seemed so anxious - she did have some kind of IBS / stomach ulcer complaint.
I felt in that case the boarding school (which was a really nurturing rural one with horses and animals etc) was a calmer, less stressful environment.

I went to boarding school at 12 and had a great time - I now have a DD who is 10 and has her heart set on boarding school at 13+.

I will miss her like crazy if she's lucky enough to get the opportunity to go.

She's an only child, both DH and I have jobs that have long hours, plus she already does a 3 hour round trip commute to primary and the same is on the cards for secondary (scholarships to schools with long commutes).

Her main interests are drama and music and I can't help feeling that a boarding school will give her the sibling-esque experience that we can't plus so much better if she uses the time that she would spend commuting on extra music, drama and social activities.

We've looked round a few schools and frankly she didn't want to get in the car to come home!

School holidays are long enough that we will still see a huge amount of her and perhaps I can make my job less 24/7 for when she's home.

I will definitely have a harder job letting her go than she will letting us go, but it will definitely be the right thing for her.

FWIW, she is an extremely gregarious child, very self confident and a joiner-inner so I have no worries on that front. I'm also not adverse to outsourcing the teen years to the poor housemistress and her staff!

If I could afford it and my kids were interested for sure I'd let them board. I don't see the hoo ha personally.

Boarding provides stability and produces confident people. So I think it's worth it, but only if the school and child are well suited.

Way back in the 70s I worked for a couple who sent their daughters to boarding school at aged 9. Boarding was different then and apart fro one exeat every half term the girls didn't see their parents until half term came around. At the time I couldn't understand the parents sending them as there were always tears when they went back. They had a lovely home in thirteen acres with horses and dogs as pets and a good private day school a short commute away which they attended until they were 9.

The boarding school did have amazing opportunities however and I know boarding has really changed. If I could afford it I would have sent my daughter weekly boarding at aged 12. I really think it is the best of both worlds. No commute to school. Structured homework, sports and hobby times during the week and the weekend with parents at home. Great for working parents as well. Many well paid jobs are definitely not 9-5 and it takes the pressure off parents having to balance long hours and evening meeting with their own commutes and delivering children to dancing/music/scouts ext ext. This often suits older children and parents and makes for more chilled weekends.

We were considering it. DH is in the Army, we move regularly. But it's not suitable for DD (currently Yr4, we were looking at Secondary age, but she would need a complete personality change). She's very reserved, some SEN and needs regular reassurance to help her confidence. School is emotionally exhausting for her. So instead DH will be one living away from home. But we have the luxury of choosing carefully of moving into an ideal school catchment for her in the Summer of Yr5/6. DD2, although only 6, would thrive at boarding school if we sent her tomorrow. She's rather eccentric and loves extra curricular stuff.

My DH has said that boarding school worked for him - the alternative would have meant moving constantly with his father's job, always being the new kid in school, plus dealing with his parents' unhappy marriage and father's drinking. For him, boarding school was a safe haven.

I loved it when I went at 11. My brother went at 7 - he started as a day boy and BEGGED my parents to let him board - they felt it was far too young, but he thrived. I would have hated going so young, but I was ready at 11. I am still in close contact with lots of the girls (and some are godparents to my myriad of children!).

My parents moved abroad when I was 14 and I found that hard, because up to that point they would come to matches and things, but on the upside, it meant that my education was stable and I didn't have to move abroad with them. I have a very strong relationship with them, and with my brother, who was also at a single sex school and I think that it made me a more confident and resilient person than I perhaps would have been otherwise. I don't think it made any difference to my academic grades however!

We aren't in the position to send 4 children to boarding school, but if we had been, and if the schools were the right ones for my children, I wouldn't have hesitated.