Anyone who thinks boarding *is* a good thing?

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Please, if you're against boarding don't reply, I've seen lots of arguments why people dislike it and I can see why, but would rather not have this turn into a bunfight.

I personally think it can be a brilliant opportunity, but would like to hear others opinions

Primary age • no under any circumstances

Secondary ok from 13 not before

I began to notice that many of the most confident, best coping and least anxious people I met went to boarding schools

Maybe it was only the confident children who went to boarding school in the first place?

I went from 12 to 18 and loved it. My mother was a sahm and there were plenty of good schools near home so I'm not sure why I went.

My DC will go for their last two years only as that is what works best in our situation.

I think, as others have said, it depends on the child. I loved it but I remember two girls who cried non stop (i think they stayed though....and kept crying)

DH was sent to boarding school when he was 6

He hated it but admits it got him away from his horribly abusive mother so it wasn't all bad

I would like my DD to go at 13+, if she would like to.

We’ve been to one open day and she came out very excited at the possibility, but we will see how she feels in a couple of years when it’s all in the foreseeable future.

I should say, I have a younger DD as well, and although time will tell, I certainly cannot see her boarding at 13+, so would obviously never want to push her into it. I don’t think it would ever even be an issue. So it clearly depends on the child as well.

I boarded from 7 and won’t go into my view of it but do think it can provide stability for families in the Forces or undergoing too much atmosphere at home (divorce etc). I would still personally always find another way to manage though.

Totally depends on child. DD will be boarding four nights a week from September aged 11. She has begged us to do it. Not something that had ever crossed our minds until we saw this particular school. It would be just about do-able as a day girl but an hour and a half to two hours commuting each day. She had the choice - day or weekly boarding and has chosen the latter. She has always been extremely independent though and we have chosen a school with lots of parental involvement. We put our foot down to full boarding or any school with Saturday school though.

Not sure DD2 will board, nor would we ever make her. I think it only works if the child really wants to do it.

I have always been very anti the idea of boarding school as has dh who had a dreadful time at his.

However DS (21) has a girlfriend who was at boarding school from 11 - 18 and she really loved it. Plus she is very close to her parents so it obviously worked for her. Her parents were in a different country so she only saw them at main holidays.

My dc are at boarding schools.
DC1 wanted to go to have a more 'normal' lifestyle. dc2 is autistic and dc 1 was regularly late for school and activities. Home life was stressful and sometimes violent.

I was surprised when dc2 asked to try weekly boarding. dc2 realised that the transition from home to school every day was too difficult and school might be easier to cope with without that daily transition. To my surprise it has worked brilliantly and both dc are happy in their schools now.

One of my children boards.

Not your usual candidate for boarding. He was the opposite of confident and could not look at people in the eye.

To cut a very long story short, he didn't thrive at any of the local schools both state and private. Boarding was our last attempt before home schooling and he has been very happy and transformed into a confident boy.

I did consider it for the others after his great experience but they don't want to go, so like the others said, it has to be right for thr child.

So you only want opinions that are the same as yours?

Sure, if their home life is disastrous.

Lots of family experience of boarding and I agree it really depends on the child, the school and what's going on at home. I enjoyed my experience and it gave me lots of opportunities but I was allowed to choose what school I went to (visited lots) and only went for the final 2 years.

Other family members have loved their time, and made friends and connections for life, others were completely miserable and vowed never to send their own DC.

Boarding was a brilliant thing for us. I’d have issues with prep aged full boarding but flex boarding is an excellent idea.
At post thirteen ours weren’t expecting to board but we moved them. It worked well and they reaped huge benefits.
For me, having them board when I was having surgery, chemo and radiotherapy meant they could get on with enjoying their childhood and could continue to study undisturbed. It meant I could curl up in bed, if need be and not have to rush back to collect them from school of activities. It removed an additional complication.
They learned greater self sufficiency and independence which was excellent preparation for university.
The communal living made starting in the armed forces and house shares easier. They’d learned to manage and thrive with less privacy and to tolerate others.
They made lifelong friends around the world. Wherever they go they know someone. The relationships are deeper than with a day school; almost sibling like.
No teenage battles so time at home was about nice things. No need to argue about what was and wasn’t normal as the rules were explicit and the same for everyone.
No hanging around getting up to no good or just doing nothing. A strong focus on achieving and being active. Much healthier lifestyles.
Work juggling is easier. No need to take a day off if someone has a tummy bug. No rushing back to collect.

I think it can be too young for some, if it comes to puberty I think it should be compulsory! There must have been a reason why historically lords and ladies and royalty sent their kids off to be trained by another family and they took in other kids. Adolescents always seem more co-operative with other people. I think sending mine away between 13 and 16 would have been very positive in many ways.

For 13+ or VI form sometimes. Younger and it’s analogous to Food Banks. Good that they’re there but in an ideal world there’d be no need. Except for v remote I suppose. Hmm. I don’t know.

Many of my friends at school really enjoyed boarding, some lived within walking distance of school but were boarders. Really positive experience by many girls.

DD will probably weekly board at her state school for year 11 (and presumably she will want to do A levels).

She would love to already but we live too close. I was offered a job away from home recently. Too soon post separation/divorce for us at the minute but it’s certainly something I would allow once things were settled.

It would mean that my pay rise went on fees but I think it could be a good opportunity for DD (and me to some extent as I try to rebuild my finances post divorce).

@Iminaglasscaseofemotion - not sure that's a fair comment. there are already dozens of threads on MN where people have declaimed the horrors of boarding - the conversations have been had, what would be the point of repeating them for a 25th time?

There are numerous other topics where there is an established MN "opinion" and sometimes it's ok to start a thread asking for a space for the opposing opinion to be allowed to be expressed without being drowned out.

I'm not sure what's not "fair" about it. It's exactly what the OP said.

@Iminaglasscaseofemotion - When I said opinions I more meant the views of others who aren't opposed to boarding school, since there's varying degrees of support which is evident from this thread.

Anytime boarding is brought up the same arguments are repeated and I have read them all, I just wanted to hear some others.

I agree it’s a useful thread as I am trying to be open-minded on the issue when it’s often handled negatively. I certainly think it can be a good thing for some children espec at 13+ or so.
In particular i find it interesting how others who boarded feel about it now as find this more telling that parents saying their DC love it. Though greater pastoral care can be better now as a friend was laughing in 7 years at our school no one ever asked was she ok which I never thought about as you just have to be independent!

My Y5 DS boards one night a week, unless he doesn't feel like it. We live about 200m from the school gates and I don't have to work or do anything else in the evenings, so there is really no reason for him to sleep over. He begged and begged though, from about the middle of Year 4.

Both my kids board and absolutely love it. due to where we live they have fully boarded from a young age and in their words "really hope their kids get the same opportunities". If we had lived closer I would have loved them to weekly board but sadly not but I do believe that it is also very disruptive to the full boarders and admire the prep schools especially who stick to their guns.
My kids are confident, outgoing and have great social skills. They can travel anywhere on their own...train, plane, bus and I would now have no worries about them going into the the big wide world.
They can do public speaking and now represent our business at trade shows where I can confidently leave them to 'close a deal'. When I compare them to other 15 & 17yr olds the difference is quite staggering.

We still have a great relationship with them and I do still miss them terribly but no (real) regrets. x