If you would like to go private but can’t afford it

[WhatdoIdoNo2]

What do you do to give your DC a bit of a “boost” in state . We would love to send her private but we really can’t afford it. What can we do out of school to boost her a bit ? DD is middling ability and well behaved and I definitely feel that she just gets left sometimes. She’s very happy at her school but I do worry the results aren’t brilliant but for childcare / logistical reasons we can’t really move her. Vast majority of kids are lovely but there are a small minority that take up a disproportionate amount of the teachers time and I feel the behaviour throughout the school (especially as you move up) isn’t great . Class sizes in juniors are up to 34. Teachers are massively overworked and TAs are being cut left right and centre. This is an ofsted rated “good” school ! I’m thinking of getting a tutor once a week for Maths as she struggles here and out of school she already does dance and riding which she loves and with work it’s a struggle to fit anything else in.

Yep her teacher is really nice. She just started at the beginning of last term. Although getting her to practice is a bit of a challenge!
I just recently read the list of after school clubs at her school and as i work three days it does restrict what she can do.

Unpopular opinion coming up, but I went to a reasonably well regarded (not nationally known) private school and a lot of my year group are pompous idiots with no idea how to cope in the real world!

I don’t have DC yet but I have a pretty successful career and the fellow senior people I’ve met have been from all different (mainly state) backgrounds. The one thing they all have in common is sheer determination and the ability to identify and empathise with people who have all had different career/education journeys.
It has really coloured my view of private education and I think I’m likely to send my future children to state school (even if I can afford private).

If I were you OP I’d be spending the money on tutors in your DCs weaker subjects (or English and maths) and encouraging them to attend drama lessons etc!

We've had an 11+ group tutoring session this year. It has helped DS a lot with his confidence. He is a bright lad who lacks confidence in his abilities due to bullying early in school.

Cubs, theatre and music have helped him no end.

He is still a little too self critical but he's come on no end and tries new things with more gusto than before. A school play was the catalyst for this and I will be forever grateful to his class teacher for casting him in a key role as it has been the turning point for him.

The arts are a huge thing. Definitely try this route.

I think it's the variety offered at a private school (that's the impression I get anyway - I went to state school during the 80s. During the teachers strike)
With the standard curriculum everyone is learning the same thing.
I worry that it's too limited.

Yes I agree with you. That’s what worries me. I think the English and maths are focused on to the detriment of other subjects - DD seems to do very little in the way of geography, history, art, science etc. Which is a huge shame as these seem to be the subjects she is more drawn too. I also do worry about the ridiculous pressure put on them for SATs in Y6.

*son (couldn’t leave it, sorry)

Exactly - we go to the library quite often and get a non-fiction book out every time.
That's my tip tip!

*top

My dc have state in the UK and UK private schools overseas so we have alternated a bit.
I think the 3rs are taught as well if not better in the state primary they attended but the sheer breadth of teaching subjects is great in private.
They have specialized languages, 2 of them, music, dance and science all specialized teachers. This is a significant difference from state primary.

At such a young age I would not get a maths tutor. Get some games such as Shut the box, Smath, monopoly. Also junior scrabble which has words on one side. Top Trumps are brilliant, there's loads of choice animals, film related, sport etc.

Teach her yourself to tell the time on both digital & analogue.

@happygardening yes to almost everything you’ve said!
For my own DC only privately educated I would say yes to maths tutoring and unless they have a passion for drama/ music etc save the money to travel and let them see the works firsthand. it doesn’t need to be expensive but at least let them see and experience for themselves. If you have extra money maybe a language tutor as most coming from from Indy’s will have been exposed to 2-3 languages.

World not works🤦‍♀️

We loved it [https://www.estorickcollection.com here]].
Travel in the UK, go to Glasgow, (go on the sleeper it's great fun its rattles and shakes all the time the food is cheap but surprisingly edible delightful staff who bring you breakfast in bed and they even provide earplugs ). It's my favourite UK city lovely friendly people restaurants everywhere to suit all tastes and budgets, weather is notoriously shit but who cares (you'll need an umbrella and an extra jumper) and lots of culture opera art music museums, the Kelvingrove, the Huntarian, Rennie Macintosh architecture although sadly not the art school, a House for an Art Lover, the Durrell collection, see a how the industrial revolution shaped and transformed a city. I'm about to go again (complete wiht umbrella and extra jumper or maybe my winter coat) Im renting an nice room for £31 a night and in the smart end of town, lots of money is being put into Glasgow by the Scottish government so its cheap/free to get into many attractions good public transport.
Or Manchester and the Lowry great painting for kids (and adults) easy to look at and enjoy.
Save up your pennies and go to the Opera. Not cheap but chose wisely and its a wonderful evening. I live with an opera nut, so go a lot but really Im not that keen but IMO you can't beat Glyndebourne a wonderful setting beautiful gardens your chance to dress up to the 9s, picnic in the grounds and even I can see/hear it is world class opera. We saw the Barber of Seville this year I challenge anyone not to enjoy it.
Or go to the Globe (cheaper than the opera) and see Shakespere we've been 4 times even when the boys were quite small we've loved it every time the inside of the Globe is great fun. Pigeons fly onto the stage you get wet when it rains, the audience keel over when its hot and a whole army of people effortlessly whisk them away and paper hats are discretely divvied out when the sun get too hot and shines in your eyes.
Or Rome, my if I could only go to one place in the world before I die place Id go back to Rome and back again and back again. Forget the Coliseum (bit boring really) see Marcus Aurelius's bronze state marvel at the age of it, see the Caravaggio's in the chapels/churches, visit the Santa Maria Maggiore see how much money has been given to the RC church over the years and it is worth fighting your way round the Vatican also the Doria Pamphilj Gallery see the Velazquez painting of Pope Innocent X it has to be the most extraordinary painting you'll ever see and of course there are more Caravaggio's there. You can go on a limited budget rent a cheap apartment and you can find also find quality restaurants and cafes that are surprisingly cheap (much cheaper thanLondon) if you use TripAdvisor. My DS and I went went a few years ago for under £300 for both of us for 4 nights including flights.
Don't make anything too formal (Im like one of my DS's am not a joiner by nature) Im slightly against tutors at any early age unless your really worried let your DD experience a whole variety of things I think we often learn the best when we're not trying too if that makes sense.
Most importantly have fun, enjoy life, laugh at things, IMO nothing builds up a child's confidence more than just simply enjoying life, feeling happy and loved by their family. On my last visit to Rome with my family we sat one day in the Villa Borghese Gardens and people watched, it was the middle of the winter but the sun was warm enough for me to wear a sleeveless dress for a few hours I even got slightly sunburnt, I have a very stressful demanding job my DH works too many hours, my DS's are now grown up and at uni they are forging their own lives but we all relaxed in the sun which warmed us and we sat and marvelled at how Italians always manage to look so bloody chic especially the men. People hired these weird bikes did they regret it in 10 mins they looked like hard work? The Italians love to promenade why dont we do that? We ate gelato and agreed over who'd chosen the best flavour. For a few hours our jobs, our busy lives, my very elderly in laws, the DIY thats not being done, were all forgotten. Privilege and as mentioned above especially that associated with all the opportunities that some independent schools provide education does boost child but I think there are other things that we as parents can also do this to produce happy confident children/teenagers/young adults and even the middle aged; simply experiencing lots of different things in life and enjoying what we experience.

We’ve decided to homeschool if we find we can’t afford fees further down the line. They spend so much time at school that an hour here or there won’t make much of a difference unless you are spending it broadening their experience (e.g. music lessons/trips to art galleries/volunteering vs tutoring in a subject they already cover in school).

Great ideas @happygardening

I know that this may be stating the obvious but talk lots to your DD and get her comfortable talking with other grown-ups. Audiobooks are great for long journeys but also at home and helps expose her to more sophisticated vocabulary than in what she may choose to read.
Perhaps get a book on philosophy for children and see what questions catch her interest. Also go to children’s events at festivals.

Travel. Loads and loads of travel, and reading.

One small comment re museums in London - next time you are in town try the Wallace Collection - they have a great little collection of masters paintings, an armour collection and other interesting things. Small place but lots to see.

Thanks @happygardening for that post, lots of good ideas.

I love the Wallace collection, the Courtauld is definitely worth a visit as is the John Soane and the Geffrye Museum. I guess if you live in Beckenham you'll know about the Horniman.

School year abroad as part of a student exchange or at a boarding school abroad? Residential student exchanges are available through organisations to places like Hong Kong, China, as well as the obvious like France and Spain. It doesn't necessarily mean you have to host another pupil in exchange, it just means DC stays with a host family abroad, and you pay a fee to an organisation to arrange it. It's a bit more tricky to arrange with extended GCSEs nowadays, so now 13 would be the latest window.

Showing an interest in learning yourselves and encouraging her when she puts in effort is important. Look out for free museums, galleries and concerts. Experiencing things together as a family, talking about it afterwards and maybe looking up more information online will help with love of learning. There are always loads of free activities going on in your local area. Trying new things builds confidence. You might not be able to afford the schooling you want to give your DD but the value parents put on education is a big factor in children’s success in external exams. There are plenty of parents who pay the fees and check out of the responsibility.

Did you go to the Royal Institute? They also do summer schools, from chemistry to coding, that are fun and very good!

If DD goes to childminder - could you swap the childminder for an aupair and the aupair teaches DD her language and about her home culture?

Maths tutor. Dd adores her she was lower at maths now solid middle. She flies with words so no issues there.
Both done French class from pre school throughout primary. Helped dd1 when she started secondary she was way ahead in language.
Mirror confident open friendly behaviour yourself. Insist on and work hard at social skills. My mother did for us I was at the time but my god gets you so far in life. Look people on the eye. Ask them about themselves. Do not talk about yourself all the time.
State can be great. Dd2 was told recently by an elderly supply teacher that she should be reading Shakespeare (she’s 10) so she came home asking to do so so we have.

I'm not sure I'd say I'd like my children to go private as I think the state schools round here are pretty good and DD1 is doing well at her secondary. I would say that I think DD2's interests and talents might be given more airtime at a private school but that's unlikely to be an option when it comes to secondary school.

We've always had a nanny, nannyshare or after school babysitter instead of using childminders or after school club. This has meant that music practice can be supported at home, extra curricular activities of their choosing can happen because the childcarer is employed by us, in our home and so can take them there/back. This makes a massive difference when it comes to facilitating participation in a range of activities.

In addition, we have encouraged the DDs to go on residentials that meet their interests whether that's dance, something instrumental or another hobby. At times, this has involved negotiating time off school for them as many of the courses are set to coincide with the private school holidays (and many use their facilities). These don't tend to come cheap but they're significantly cheaper than 7 years of private school!

DD2's main hobby seems to be dominated by privately educated children and the fact that she's not is a non-issue. I would say one of her strengths is the ability to hone in on what she has in common with another person and to use that as a starting point. I've no doubt that she'd benefit from opportunities at a private school but because she's good at the musical instruments she plays and the sport she takes part in, is unfazed by being in an unfamiliar setting with complete strangers, is genuinely interested in others and willing to have a go, she seems to be offered extra opportunities and experiences.

DD1 is much more socially intimidated and her main hobby is dominated by boys in private schools. I'm not sure the self-confidence she lacks in those scenarios would be improved by being at a private school so we just continue to encourage her to take part and to hear the compliments she's paid instead of assuming they're out of sympathy .