If you would like to go private but can’t afford it

[WhatdoIdoNo2]

What do you do to give your DC a bit of a “boost” in state . We would love to send her private but we really can’t afford it. What can we do out of school to boost her a bit ? DD is middling ability and well behaved and I definitely feel that she just gets left sometimes. She’s very happy at her school but I do worry the results aren’t brilliant but for childcare / logistical reasons we can’t really move her. Vast majority of kids are lovely but there are a small minority that take up a disproportionate amount of the teachers time and I feel the behaviour throughout the school (especially as you move up) isn’t great . Class sizes in juniors are up to 34. Teachers are massively overworked and TAs are being cut left right and centre. This is an ofsted rated “good” school ! I’m thinking of getting a tutor once a week for Maths as she struggles here and out of school she already does dance and riding which she loves and with work it’s a struggle to fit anything else in.

Enrol her in some extra curricular activities that she is likely to enjoy and hope she becomes good at at least one of them - as that will be good for her self esteem and confidence.

Give her the opportunity to try out lots of different sports
Consider something like Stagecoach
Try an instrument
(private schools tend have more sport, drama and music)

Consider scouts/guides and Cadets idc

Tutor? We decided against independent for lots of reasons and give a boost with a tutor every so often. My DD aid average and good and I think she too is the ‘forgotten middle’.

Can I ask how old your DD is?

I would try and get music or drama into her week some how - my daughter has flute lessons through her primary school which are a really reasonable price.

When you say a boost in what sense do you mean? If academic then there are lots of resources you can do with her Waterstones normally has a good section for this sort of thing- depending on age I'm not sure I'd get a tutor.

Are you in a grammar school area? If that is something you are thinking about is get her starting on prepping for it in year 4.

But I'd be focusing on the fact that it is the extra curricular things that private schools offer that make pupils more rounded.

I would get a tutor. All the extra curricular stuff is nice (music, dance, whatever), but ultimately, what really matters is the results your DD is able to get in her public exams and if you feel that she's of middling ability and not getting much attention in the large classes she's in then a tutor is the answer. Someone to give her their undivided attention, someone who will pick up on the areas where she's weak and work on them, someone who will fill in the gaps that her overworked teacher is probably unable to do for every DC in the class. Personally, I wouldn't waste money on the other stuff unless she's desperate to do it, or she has a real talent for something that just isn't available at her school.

Yes to tutor, it could make all the difference for your dd particularly in maths.

And absolutely as pp suggested extra curricular activities, give her the opportunity to play an instrument and try out various sports and clubs. Find out what she enjoys and and has a flair for, independent schools are are not just about academic grades but also confidence building and opportunity.

but ultimately, what really matters is the results your DD is able to get in her public exams

This isn't the case though, the correlation between success in adult hood is very weakly related to those public exams. Exam results are just gates that allow access to more study or a start.

This is why private schools parents do so much to talk about in providing confidence, extra curricular activities and opportunities rather than simply about results.

Thank you all. I’ve been given a recommendation for a tutor so have got in touch with her to come once a week. DD is with the childminder after school x3 days so opportunities for extra curricular are limited but we may start her doing an instrument as well. She’s going into Y3.

I just feel that day to day in school she is not a child that gets much of the teachers attention and whilst she’s not top she’s not at the stage where she gets taken out for interventions and that upsets me as I feel she deserves more attention

I think confidence is so important for success in later life.
A tutor will help her understand the subject better, she’ll start to do better at school which will give her more confidence.
Lots of reading and travelling (best thing about not going to private is being able to afford to spend more on going out and travelling) will broaden the mind and help develop emotional intelligence.
Discuss current affairs and challenge their thinking. Give them confidence in being able to express their opinion.
Teach them it’s important to do their best in school. I know people say that grades aren’t everything but good grades and exam results give you more choices. Not many are driven like Richard Branson.

"I think confidence is so important for success in later life"
My DS2 has been educated in the independent sector since yr 2 (boarding). The thing that I hear the most from people he stays with/works with is how adaptable he is. He has lived in the homes of some people whom are exceedingly rich (Sunday Times Rich Listers etc) and worked alongside some of the poorest people in this country barely earning the minimum wage if that. He is able to adapt quickly to whatever situation he is in, he has a quiet confidence, nothing really fazes him he quickly see's what is required of him adapts if necessary and gets on with it. He has travelled fairly extensively and lived with total strangers, he has done jobs he knows nothing about and jobs he hates but the feedback from everyone is always exceedingly positive. I listen to work colleagues whose 18/19 year old children are afraid to try a totally new job/situation, who limit their opportunities because they are afraid to be too far way from their parents, or who are totally in awe of people with money, or even refuse stay one night in a strangers house. I believe they could limit their life experiences/opportunities. Ive got friends with DC's at uni who ring them everyday, send food packages do their food shopping on line for them even still buy their clothes for them. Why for God sake?

I accept its not just down to his school and that others are like him who've never set a toe in an independent school but I do believe his experiences at school formed at a relatively early age have helped and I see more children like him from the independent sector than I do from the state sector.
In all honesty I'm not sure how you what you do. We rarely used a tutor but did expose my DS to as much as we possibly could be art music sport anything. We are an opinionated ecentric family I encouraged my DS to try everything to not seek to conform to question (could be a bit wearing at times I guess) to not believe that X is better than you because he has money, a large car, lots of flash holidays, mixes with the great and the good, has better exam results, a title or famous original art on their walls. I also avoided making to much fuss about what he was doing I tried to show him to take everything in his stride to make everything normal whether it be travelling from one end of the country to the other on train on his own when he was 10 or flying 1/2 way round the world to live with a family he didn't even know and who we didn't even have an address for at 18. I agree that thankfully we are not all Richard Branson (a man who I have little time for but thats another thread) but you need to encourage you DD to not limit her choices. Years ago a teacher at my school had a poster on the wall of his classroom "limits only exist in your mind". The world is changing there are countries whose people are not afraid who are ambitious who will take chances step out into the unknown and push themselves forward yes the people of China I'm primarily looking at you and who see no limits we need too teach are children at the very least some of this ethos if they are not going to be left behind.

Look at a tutor if you’re concerned she’s working below her ability, but otherwise sideways stretching activities as suggested - music, language club/lessons, drama to build confidence etc. Cubs can also be great for confidence building - some packs do more activities than others though.

Our dc had an amazing tutor, we got him because they were struggling with UK system having been out of it for a while. I wished I had got him sooner.
I think music is another big one.

We got a tutor for Ds1 on the subjects he was struggling and it made a huge difference. We had one all the way through secondary. We didn't for Ds2 as he didn't struggle academically at all.
During secondary school I got my boys involved in youth forums. This was brilliant as it gave them the social skills to mix with other young people from different backgrounds as well as councillors and occasionally the MP for our town. They were on an interview panel for the council and interviewed candudates for jobs. They saw how the process of recruitment worked, asked the candidates questions etc. This was useful when they came to apply for work.

It was also good as they learned how debate local issues and gave them confidence and also an insight to how the political system works. I would recommend Youth forums or participation groups for young people.
I appreciate your child is still in primary so something to think about another time.
Mine were also active in beavers. Cubs,scouts and finally Explorers.They had a fantastic time and learned many independence and life skills as well as make loads of friends.
I think a parent who instills confidence and resilience as well as a sense of justice abd also shows love and has boundaries is the biggest asset a child could have.

I see more children like him from the independent sector than I do from the state sector

Of course you do, the biggest influence in developing those things is privilege, and the independent sector obviously has more privileged individuals. A lot of the way of fostering it is as you suggested the wide variety of experiences, however only a very few of those come from the school.

Your right to a certain extent sirfredfredgeorge it is privilege/money that enables children to have a wide variety of experiences that can then foster confidence and adaptability. I personally believe that boarding for the right child can be a positive life enhancing experience as those who thrive need to and learn to be quietly confident adaptable flexible self sufficient individuals.

But as the saying goes there is more than 1 road to Rome. OP look for activities that suit your DD. I have 1 DS who is a joiner did Air Cadets and loved it and really benefitted from it and one who is a lone wolf and who loathes any kind of organisation like scouts etc that you join or team sports. Riding and horses (my previous passion in life now cured of tis painful addiction) are great levellers, training of the rider to achieve even a reasonable level is hard and progress once beyond the basics is slow and requires a high levels of commitment this has to be combined with the almost selfless and obsessive dedication required to care for these extraordinary animals who are are totally ungrateful and usually involves very long hours usually in in crap weather at least 6 months of the year and for frequent disappointment, often at significant expense a very useful life lesson. Riding also has lots of different strands so also has something for everyone.

I just wanted to respond but thank you all for taking the time to reply and I feel much more positive this evening. I now have a list of extra curricular bits we’re going to try .

• tutor (non negotiable !!)
• lunchtime French club (at school)
• music lessons - we are going to a try an instrument day at local music trust to see if she likes it .
• drama / LAMDA - Saturday mornings
• I have found a science family day at royal institute / science boxes.
• This week junior . I think a subscription to this could be good to get her used to discussing current affairs .

Any other ideas ?

Days out particularly . We’re near London & have done all the “big” museums but are there any lesser known ones anyone could recommend?

@happygardening your sun sounds fantastic!

@op I think the tutor sounds like a good idea if it will boost confidence rather than add pressure.

Dance and riding sound great too. It sounds like you’re doing really well already!

One thing I would say is dont make the same mistake as me and have her doing too many extra curricular activities.
I had FOMO for my kids and at one point had them doing something virtually every day. It got too much and they were exhausted.

Yes to happygardening your post struck a chord with me. He sounds a lovely well rounded young man. You must be very proud.

I've been thinking along similar lines. My daughter is going into Year 2.

She also goes to the childminder three days a week and I'm beginning to think that this is restricting her options. But then she does gymnastics, violin and swimming and there are only so many hours in a day!

@WhatdoIdoNo2 do you live in Bromley?

Definitely a tutor. Don’t listen to anyone who tells you that your dd is too young for a tutor.
My dcs didn’t go to a private school , but they all play a musical instrument,,have travelled extensively ( which I think is one of the reasons that they are able to adapt). I enrolled them in language classes at a young age which meant that when they started languages at school they were confident. Dd1 achieved grade 8 at GCSE French and Grade 8 at Spanish
I took / take my dcs to museums ( which I find dull tbh) , parks, pantomimes, theatre .
There’s so much one can do to help them and some of these activities are free.

wincar yes ! What gave it away ?!

, I agree about not making then do too many after school activities. Swimming a musical instrument and one other activity is more than enough. Just allow them to be bored soometims

@WhatdoIdoNo2 it was the open day at the local music trust! We went to one back in Jan! I live in Beckenham...

Oooh ! Yes, is that where you daughter does her music through ? We are looking forward to it. There seems to be a huge choice of extra curricular for DC around here but like you say only so many hours in the day and hard to fit in when you work also but we are going to try to make better use of our weekends.