Would you send to a primary knowing they'll go to secondary alone?

[Babysharkdododont]

We want ds to go to the local Catholic comp (we are practicing Catholics) but due to the geography and wrap around care he won't be able to attend the Catholic primary easily.
We believe we'd get a place at the comp as we attend church, he'll make his Communion, and the Priest will support our application.
The problem is if he goes to the absolutely lovely primary that's 2 streets away it's extremely likely that he'll be the only child from his school going to the comprehensive, and will be outside of the already established friendship groups.
Has anyone any advice as I've tied myself up in knots - thanks in advance.

A lot can change in 7 years.
Will he not meet kids through church and preparation classes for First Holy Communion? Is there a Beavers or Scout group that meet at the Catholic primary?
There will be ways round it, I wouldn't let it put you off if you have good reasons for choosing both the schools.

Surely he’ll know other children from clubs outside of school? Church?
My ds started secondary school with 9 other children from his primary but was put into a speedster class from them all and made friends fine.
Children change schools mid way through years and don’t know anyone and are fine.
You’re massively overthinking this.

I think the problem will be that your DC will most probably want to follow his friends to whatever comp they will go on to. This being said, I attended both catholic primary & high schools & they asked us to write down the names of 2 friends we wanted to be in the same form as. I wasn’t placed with either and within a couple of weeks didn’t hang around with anyone from primary school anyway. There were a few kids who came from non-feeder schools who did just fine.
If it’s definitely not possible then I’m sure it would be ok but just accept that you’re likely to have to battle with your son about this when he’s in y6.
Could you not get a childminder for the catholic primary for the school runs? Or do they provide a breakfast & after school club?

My son went to secondary in exactly the same circumstances.
He is coming to the end of year 7 now and is very happy and has made lots of friends.
It was hard at the beginning because there were big groups of boys coming from feeder schools but it was well worth it because the school is wonderful.

Go with the lovely primary now and see how you feel later about secondary. If he's only entering reception now its a long way off and things change re schools and your family. My children went to a school knowing no-one and takes longer to settle but now fine.

95% of our local primary all go to the local secondary. We chose a different school much further away for our DD. Only 1 other child from primary goes there but they never see each other and even travel on different buses. It's not been a huge problem for us or dd.

Choose the primary that you like best, then think about secondary in 6 years time. An awful lot can change in that time, both the schools and the children. In 5 years time you will have a much better idea what your child is like in school and which secondary will suit your dc best.

A few of the children from our village, non Catholic primary attend Catholic Secondary school - not all of the year 7 children come from the RC feeder schools.
Choose the primary school that suits you now - you never know, he may be keen to be away from his group in 7 years time.

Crikey you're all so wise, thank you!

I hadn't even thought about friends from extra curricular clubs and church, but of course, he will know people.

As he has a baby sister we are committing to a primary for 10 years or so, and the Catholic one is just mind blowingly difficult to get to (our local one was repurposed as a different sort of specialist school) so I think for ease of life for us all we'll go with the lovely local primary and worry about secondary when the time comes - as a few of you have said lots can change in 5 or 6 years.

Neither of my DC went to secondary with anyone they were at primary with. DS1 has two friends still from primary and DS2 has none. They both have good friends at their new school and wider social circles from their interest groups. It really doesn't matter. Going to the right school is very important. Where they make friends and whether they stay friends with people they knew aged 5 is less so.

I would. I went to lots of different schools. Always the new girl. Always made friends.

Anthony Seldon, former Master of Wellington College and human marmite said something years ago that I fully subscribe to. "Don't send your child to a school just because his/her friends are going to that school." He retells his story of the miserable time he had at Tonbridge after choosing to go there because his best friend was going there. On arriving at Tonbridge, they promptly fell out. My DC are always treated as individuals. I don't force them anywhere, whether school or otherwise, just because their sibling is there or their friends are there. They go to different schools that suit their biases and personalities and are involved in different hobbies and extra-curricular activities. I feel we are preparing our DC for life. I don't know many people who have taken a job because their spouse or sister or friend works there. We go where we feel we will fit in and be happy. Your first concern shouldn't be about whether the other children in his primary school will go to his new school. If he'll thrive at the nearby primary school that's where he should go. When the new bridge of big school appears, you'll cross it together.

Four kids from my primary went to my secondary, including one of my best friends, another girl I really liked and one I didn't really know. We were put in classes in pairs and I was put with the one I didn't really know. I rarely saw the other two. It was absolutely fine. I made friends quickly and thrived there. So I would say don't worry about it.

We struggled to get dd into the neighbourhood primary and ended up with a place at a a catholic primary- we are Catholic but not very good at it. She made friends, she enjoyed it but she didn't like the religious aspect. We didn't turn her off it, she just didn't like it and started questioning things quite early on. She started secondary in September at the nearby secondary that happens to be very good and that we, unlike her primary school friends, are nothing the catchment area for. We tried to get her into one of the two local catholic secondaries where a particularly good friend was going but we are out of catchment. And so she knew one at the new secondary apart from a couple of boys that she dislikes. We were on tenterhooks as to how it would go. She's a reserved sort of person and doesn't throw herself into social situations.
She loves her new school, has made new friends and has really flown.
She is still n touch with a couple of primary school friends but not really.

It's so hard isn't it? I don't think I'll be sending our ds to the local Hugh school purely because of the offstead reports. Most of his friends will be going to this one but he is high functioning so needs education to be good end to push his already big wealth of knowledge.
Education comes first and hes very outgoing so will make new friends easily.

I wouldn't worry about this. As someone who went to secondary school alone, and as a secondary school teacher I can assure you that new friendships are formed quickly in secondary school and often kids don't stick to their primary friends anyway

I think established friendships definitely help in the first few weeks, however they do make new friends as they progress through school. My 15 yr old DS still has 2 very good friends from Junior school, however he has more friends that he's made while he's been there, it just took a while to find them.

Yeah I think you are getting a bit ahead of yourself there OP!

DD1 went to a secondary (out of zone) so no one from her primary went. It turns out there were about four girls who she knew from representative sport.

And there is no guarantee kids at primary will stay friends at secondary. DD2 had a couple of friends from primary going to her secondary and whilst they remained friendly by the end of yr7 they had drifted and made other friends.

None of mine went to secondary with any of their friends.

They went to primary roudn the corner and then travelled to the secondary.

Nearly all year 7 children change friends during year 7, goign ot secondary with your friends is actually a terrible reason to choose a school, as they don't really stay in the same friendship groups. Besides, lots of kids welcome the opportunity to reinvent themselves a bit as they move up, and quite like not having everybody know exactly who they are and what they are like.

A lot may change in 7 years, you might even move!

Choose the primary you like, local primaries are great as tyour friends are local and you can walk to school. Secondary is different, kids are more independent and you choose for different criteria.

I think lots of DC, by the time they reach end of Year 6, are ready to move on and make new friendship groups. Not many DC of my acquaintance have stayed friendly with their primary school friends who've gone to the same secondary schools (even if they're in the same tutor group). So it shouldn't really be an issue.

For context, in DC1's single-form entry primary school class, the DC (there were about 24 of them by the end of Yr 6) went to 15 different secondary schools, so many ventured off alone.

Often by the end of primary school they've outgrown friendship groups and are keen to move on to pastures new. It may be daunting on the first day to not know anyone but that feeling will soon pass.

No. I was the only from my Primary to go to my Secondary. I was the only person who turned up knowing no-one else at all. It was awful.

I did this and my dd is about to start seniors in September. She is one of 4 going from her primary. She knows one girl who only got in on appeal.
She met other Catholic children at scouts and FHC classes.
I do feel a pang that she is not going with her friends but she will make new friends and it is the better school.
It will be ok.
The lea school is 2 minutes away whereas the Catholic primary 15. I preferred get to be at school in her community over a faith school.
She plays out here whereas that would be feasible of she was not at the local school

Most schools these days have introductory days in the summer term before they are due to start. It gives them the chance to meet other newbies, so it's not too much of a shock on the first day. You often find they make completely new friends when they I've school anyway.
I wouldn't worry about it.

DD started an 8 form entry secondary with around 20 other girls from her old primary school. She is in a form with 2 others, with both of them she had hardly spoken a word before.

She made new friends on induction day and in the months following the start. While she sees several of the girls from her old school on the way to school they don't really interact apart from 2 others she is in the same Scout group.

Lots can happen in 7/8 years and distances/admission rules will change and you may not even want or like a school you think of highly now.

My DS is about to go into Yr6. Our catchment secondary school is terrible (in special measures, particularly poor on teaching boys and in the subject areas that he's interested in). Because it's so bad we'll struggle to get him into any other local school because their catchment children stay there to avoid the crap school. when DS was your boy's age, we had a choice of 2 decent secondary schools. A lot can change.

There is one, slightly less bad, school in a neighbouring town that, based on this year's catchment, we can get him in to. He will be going there as one of only 2 children from our village to do. I think he'll be glad of the change of faces by then as he's getting fed up with some of the cliques in his current school. Your boy may be glad to move.

In the two places we’ve lived the secondary schools have had 7 and 13 form entry. So the chances of them being in a class with a good friend is minimal anyway.