Move to private school 45 mins away from family or state school next to family?

[GGxoxo]

DH and I are planning to move house asap and don't want to delay it much longer. We envision ourselves in the next house for 20+ years, and our top two priorities are good schools and being close to family (both of our families live nearby each other). Our first baby is due soon, and we hope for at least one more in the future. We are considering the following options:

1. An area 45 minutes away from both of our families which has a brilliant private school for ages 2-11, and amazing private schools for senior school. These private schools appear to be the best in the region, and we are fortunate that we will be able to afford it. There are also a number of grammar schools in this area however they are catchment based. Being 45 minutes away from family means family support will be limited, my parents will not be able to assist with the school run meaning our children will be in breakfast and after school clubs daily from 2 onwards, and that they will see our children not as often as if we lived closer to them.

1. Purchase a house close to my family to have the family support raising our children and assisting with the school run, and have our children go to the local state primary school (currently rated good, which I know means very little). There are no private schools in this area for primary/junior, however there is one for senior which our children could go to but, it's academic performance is often outperformed by a local grammar and it is not as highly sought after as the schools 45 minutes away. My concern with this option is that my nephew is currently at the local state primary school and he is not being pushed, and is in fact helping teach the other children as he is so advanced. I know this could also happen at the private school 45 minutes away, but I worry that going this route I would always wonder 'what if I sent them to the private, would they have excelled more'? Whereas if if send them to the private and they don't excel, I would feel content knowing I did my best.

Having never had children before, do I choose what I perceive to be better education over family support or vice versa?

If you are both going back in to full time work with little flexibility I'd go for living closer to family every time. Toddlers catch every bug going. And if you have more than one child they seem to pass bugs between each other. Will make after school activities/school events etc etc easier.

Isn't there an alternative where you live half way between private school and parents?

You could buy near family & send to private school further away at 11. 45 mins commute to a private school is not uncommon.

Logistical support for a young family always trumps in this scenario. We just decided to go state as well. Putting the money aside for very good private secondary school instead.

Agree. Stay near the family. The local state primary will be fine and provide a network of local families to offer support and friendship with too. You can tutor if needed & then at secondary you can go private, often private schools have buses that pick up from a wide area.

If private school is an option, I would move there. I have worked full time all the way through from when first child was born, with closest family being 2 hours and more away so have never had family support. Mine have been in private nursery, followed by private school. Private schools offer way longer hours than state schools, and frequently provide holiday clubs too. 45 minutes is nothing in terms of family being able to visit regularly, or to be able to provide support where needed.

I would start off in the state system till 7. That way you would support during the very early years. If needed, you could switch to private at 7 when a lot of children make that change and the DC could cope with a longer journey. At 11most senior school pupils could do a 45 minute by themselves.

I personally don't think it matters in this case as 45 mins away is nothing. Children can easily travel to school, or family can help from not far away, why couldn't they? We have lots of family support from dh's family who are just over an hour from us. That said, I wouldn't move specifically for a good school/s now as they can vary so much in just a few years.

One more thing I would say is school performance is impacted by many variables. If things were to reverse - ie state school becomes outstanding and private becomes say average ....
I'm sure you'll do what's best in the end. Good luck 😊

Family might be making al, the right noises about willingness to help out, but you really don't know what that might mean in practice. People's circumstances change, and what they meant in the first place (frequent evening baby sitting is quite different to tying yourself to a school run)

You may well find that if you need regular before/after school care you need to arrange and pay for that wherever you are.

If you want to be near your family, because they're your family and you want to be close to them then fine.

Or you could compromise, and move somewhere still within an easy school run if the cluster of private schools that have your eye on, but not quite such a long journey for your folks.

Does it make sense to buy now? In many areas the housing market is stagnant or dropping.

In a few years time, you will have a clearer idea about your needs/preferences. And this means you could stay close to your family during the early years but still keep your options open for schools.

I wouldn’t base a big move based on private schools right now, bearing in mind it’s going to be four or five years before your child will be going.

If Labour get into power, Jeremy Corbyn wants to scrap all grammars and private schools. Whether or not he succeeds is a whole other story.

VAT on school fees is also a concern. Can you afford it if 20% is added? You might be able to but many others will not. School numbers will drop and some would inevitably close.

Then add in that headteachers change, the most sought after schools now might not be in the future, and you have no idea yet about how academic / arty / sporty / musical your child may be. They may even have SEN which some private schools will go running to the hills from.

I would be plumping for the option close to family but with great state schools. Can you not live somewhere between the schools and family e.g. 20 mins to each? That way you cover all options.

What do you want for your children? Do you want them to excel? Do you want them to "go far" or do you want them to be secure in a large loving family?

Obviously you can have both but this is essentially what you're choosing, there is no right or wrong answer, just a question of your priorities.

I'd go where you feel you get the best educational choices. You will survive without family assistance and indeed time spent with them will be nicer and a treat. you only have to see the myriad of threads on here where the MIl or DM isn't treating the child the way the mum wants to see it isn't all rosy! We never had the option - mine are abroad and DH's the other side of the country but have muddled through and indies definitely have a longer wrap around period than state schools so are more work friendly in a way.

I wouldn’t want to rely on family support for childcare and I wouldn’t want an only OK school so it would be an easy choice for me!

45 minute away is close to family.

Don’t base a decision where to live for the next 20 years on family support. All sorts of things change in that time.

If you have family that will actually be useful, then i'd move nearer family. You won't actually be sending a child to school for more than 4 years, which is a lot of time for schools to change, so making a decision based on schools alone is crazy. So moving to an area with family support while you have preschoolers is the priority.

45 minutes is no distance, so I'd go close to the schools you like. For all you know your family might move anyway.

I’d be wary of presuming that family will be helping out with the school run throughout primary school years personally.

Some people have grandparents or other relatives who are willing and able to do school runs long term, yes, but I know plenty of other people where the family have refused to commit to regular childcare, or where declining health means that they’re unable to help out.

So I wouldn’t make a decision based on an assumption of family support without a backup plan for if they can’t or won’t help.

I don't think 45 minutes is that far and if you can comfortably afford the school fees and those school are really so good, i would base yourself close to the private schools.

You cannot really afford private if you need to rely on unpaid family to do some of the donkey work. I would revise views on finances to embrace everything you require rather than rely on unpaid family members. If family want to help, then great. Expectation is unfair.

If my DDs have children, they know I’m a busy person and I won’t be doing school runs regularly. They live 45 miles away! I doubt I would be a regular volunteer if they were round the corner!

It’s never school vs family if you live quite close to each other. In this scenario DC get to see family but not every day.

I think making a decision as big as this based on education when you don't even have kids yet is ridiculous!

You need to pick the best school for your child, which will not necessarily be the best school.

You have no idea of your future childrens' ability, interests, talents or character. These will be the biggest influence on which school is best for them.

“it's academic performance is often outperformed by a local grammar”

Of course it is, if it is a comp or a ‘high school’. As long as a school is teaching well and Chris wring the curriculum the performance largely reflects the intake. Grammars are selective.

A ‘Good’ school will be delivering a good education.

If you feel it is needed you can also top up state ex with tutoring, music lessons etc.

My high performing kids have been in state from nursery to sixth form. What I would have liked is more family support.

I'd be careful with private schools as if Labour get in they might be unsustainable. I've just moved one of mine to private and am really shitting myself at the prospect of an extra 20% on fees (he'd have to come back out again and go back to state).

Can't you move 15 mins away from family and 30 mins from the schools? Schools really are more important than family although I'd be looking to move near a really high performing state secondary.

Fazackerley - don’t worry too much - private schools will have to cut costs if VAT is added to fees.

Most private schools have buses from around 8 years old, live nearer your family for now as state school is fine for primary and if you decide on private you can choose then - reputations change, it's a long way off secondary school for you!!!