I have an Instinct DD is attending the wrong school

[user4564376534875487]

Have posted on Sen but posting here also.

My dd may very well have an assessment for adhd or similar over the coming months. She is in reception, in a large class and quite frankly I think she is struggling.
She is bright but loses focus in projects that she isn't interested in. Has problems sitting on the carpet and concentrating at times, is defiant/ does not recognise authority (though I have been working on this) and worse of all has friendship issues - complaints about her being unkind to other children/shoving from a few parents - children didn't tell teacher at the time (she also has an older sister whereas other children don't and is used to fending her corner).
If she does get a diagnosis, I can't see the parents at this particular school being sympathetic toward dd, I think she has already been scapegoated as difficult etc.
I don't believe the school is best equipped to help with dd - large class sizes etc. relatively young and inexperienced teaching staff and a belief in punishing rather than encouraging.
There is a school not too far away, that offers flexible learning, so basically it covers the core subjects in the morning and arts related subjects in the afternoon. Mixed classes (ages) and small. They claim to have a good track record supporting children with adhd and other conditions. To me it could fit the bill. It is private but you can do flexi learning whereby dd could attend in the mornings then come home with me in the afternoon. She gets tired at school and doesn't eat her lunch properly, I'm thinking shorter days for the next couple of years might be just the thing (with obviously reading in the afternoons/drawing/craft/visit to park etc she also does various activities out of school which seem okay.) It would be more affordable this way too and then look to increase days as time goes by. I feel a bit disorientated contemplating this, sometimes I come up with alternative ways to approaching things but obviously don't want to disadvantage dd in any way. DD has an older sister who has done well - academically and with friendships but they are different and to me dd2 being where she is, is like a round peg in a square hole. It is difficult at this age to determine what is an issue and what is age related but I am becoming increasingly convinced that something is underlying. Should I be tackling things head on with current school (I don't have faith in them,) or make a change and hope it is a change for the better. I feel like swopping her to another state school won't achieve much. The thought of pulling dd out feels like a weight lifting but is also dramatic and logistically it would be more difficult. When I ask dd what she likes about school her response is the desserts that follow the school dinners and little else. Anyone else made any drastic school changes in the early years, did it work for your dc? Just exploring any alternatives.

It was funny, one to remember when he's older and we can giggle about it together.

It's a pity that you've lost confidence in the school so early, have you told them this? Because in my experience teachers and schools want their pupils to be happy and to thrive. Obviously not every school fits every kids, but equally, there is no perfect fit either, and other schools may bring their own challenges.

It all sounds very difficult and I hope you find a way through it all.

Ds has ADHD and dyslexia and he struggled in school although not with friendships, I think he was the class clown

For me personally if there had been a school where he could have gone in the mornings i would have jumped at the chance.

Otherwise a different school might also be the way to go because your dd would be starting afresh.
She might find a friend in a new school.

Atm in the school she is in she can’t ever recover.

I ended up HEdding Ds. There are so many classes you can go to with the HE groups that I wouldn’t worry about falling behind.
It is not like you need to sit down between 9-3.30pm and learn.
With ADHD just short bursts of maths or flash cards can work wonders.
Equally finding something that your dd is interested in will have her reading every word on the subject (ADHD hyper focus is a thing)
Dd has ADHD and dyslexia and with both dc I knew academically they were not going to be doing A levels let alone a degree. Both struggled with GCSEs so they did a range of ECAs.

Dds career is more to do with the ECAs she did than anything she learned at school and ds is studying a trade and works with his hands. Again he didn’t really take anything from the school environment apart from me teaching him maths.

I feel for you. I have been there and done that and got the Tshirt of other mums avoiding you.

Oliver, sorry to hear you and your dc have had a difficult time of things x
We're not completely sure it is ADHD but we're pulling in a professional because something isn't right, even to be told it is an emotional lagging thing would be something.

Atm in the school she is in she can’t ever recover.
This is what I'm worried about, if 3 different parents have been in, how many more are talking between themselves? It's really horrid because dd truly has a wonderful caring side too, particularly with children who are older and younger than her, she is very gentle with the little ones and motherly, I really feel for her and I am worried that she might have been wrongly labelled.

I've lost confidence because I know some of the teachers/headmaster from old, my eldest dd, now in year 8 went all the way through the school and there were a lot of negative changes in that time. I think if dd2 was just Miss average, she might be okay (although my eldest daughter was just shoved in the middle sets when in fact she was the highest ranked girl for grammar in her year. I am a bit annoyed that she wasn't brought on a bit more there, just left to bumble along because she was deemed average I suppose). But dd2 is not average in other ways and the school seems sorely equipped to deal with it, perhaps I should have seen this coming but I suppose I just expected dd to settle down (which she has done in some ways).

I have no doubt she will find a couple of friends in the new setting, she already knows and enjoys the company of an older child there and I am relatively good friends with a mother of a girl in the same year, plus apparently, I heard from another mother that another girl has been asking where my daughter is (because they went to pre-school together and got on).

Just need to do a bit more research into the teaching staff at the new school before I hand the forms in, I think it's going to happen, though conscious I don't want it to be a knee jerk reaction.

I am fairly sure I have ADHD and I remember being bossy and irritated aged five. I was at private and their response then was to move me up a year (I always thought this was academic but reading your post I realise it is possible other issues were at play-I never felt it was a negative though). I only lasted a term academically before I was kept down a year and it was an awful experience but helped my resilience. Overall I got on better with smaller class sizes, less noise, hated set formulas. Individual support and attention also made a difference.