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Original poster

11+ are we setting DS up to fail?

41 replies

ZoeZebra1 · 20/01/2019 13:18

Highly sensitive DS wants to do 11+ in September. Goes to ok state primary and has had a tutor since year 4. Thought we were in with a chance but did a timed mock and struggled a little but still got 50-60 per cent.
So, with 9 months to go, what should we do? Anyone any experience of where there child was now and how they did?
DS desperately wants to do this, no pressure from me, but I know of he doesn't get into grammar he will be really upset (mainly because locally there is only one choice of secondary locally and he is bullied and wants to escape them, but that's another thread for another time!)

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BoyMeetsWorld · 20/01/2019 13:21

No great advice but same situation here- he's only on the mid 50s. It's so stressful

sleepismysuperpower1 · 20/01/2019 13:21

if he is desperate to do it then i would let him, but i would also have a chat with him before you let him sit it asking him would he be okay etc if he didn't get a place. there are practice test settings you can apply for like this, and i would keep up with him doing the pass papers. all the best x

iklboo · 20/01/2019 13:22

DS got 56% in his first mock 11+ so he tried a resit where he scored higher. In the actual test his score worked out to 82%. It might be worth doing some more practice papers and another mock if he wishes to.

Hellohah · 20/01/2019 13:24

Do you live in an area where everyone has a tutor?

Original poster
ZoeZebra1 · 20/01/2019 13:30

A few have tutors but it's not the norm, however he wants to go to a highly selective grammar and so I know we have our work cut out. I have tried to talk to him but he shuts down at any suggestion hewont make it to grammar.
He is intelligent, the main block is that he doesn't trust his own judgement and second guesses himself... He has little confidence and so will not answer a question unless he is sure it is right. We are working on this and he is seeing a counsellor for anxiety.
I just want to help him... If he doesn't get in I think it will really have a detrimental effect on him.
So past papers, what else can he do to prepare?

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titchy · 20/01/2019 13:54

Is a highly selective school the right environment for an anxious kid?

underneaththeash · 20/01/2019 13:57

If he wants to do it, you should really give him the option, it would be really unfair not to especially when he's been doing the tuition for over a year anyway.

Ethel80 · 20/01/2019 13:59

I agree with @titchy I'm not sure it's a great idea to put a very sensitive child under that kind of pressure both of the exam and of the school itself.

You're the parent, if you don't want him to do it he doesn't do it.

thenextsmallthing · 20/01/2019 14:01

What titchy said. Grammars pile on the pressure, will he thrive with this if he gets anxious?

Original poster
ZoeZebra1 · 20/01/2019 14:16

I have thoight the same and am worried, but his anxiety is bought on mostly by the social situation he is in, ie the bullying. He enjoys the academic side of things, loves tests and learning.

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Original poster
ZoeZebra1 · 20/01/2019 14:18

I think because at school he always gets 100 percent on every test and does so well the 11+ mocks have thrown him because he is not used to not sailing through.

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Matildatoldsuchdreadfullies · 20/01/2019 14:23

Where are you. In much of Kent a bare pass is about 50% - which won't be enough in some areas, but will get a grammar place in many areas. Check out the 11+ forum to find out what your son will actually need. www.elevenplusexams.co.uk/forum/11plus/index.php

SouthWestmom · 20/01/2019 14:24

Is he actually intelligent? A tutor since Y4 seems quite OTT if you think he's bright. The whole grammar system is shite anyway so I'm biased.

Turkeycondundrum · 20/01/2019 14:28

I would echo what titchy said. A highly selective grammar school is not going to be the right place for an anxious child.

Sure, it might be bullying now that's causing the issues but it is likely the pressure of a highly selective grammar will cause issues too.

Where we are, there is one highly selective grammar that I would touch with a barge pole for a sensitive child. However there are a few others which are less pressured and would suit a more sensitive type.

I'm sure if you let people know what school it is, they would have more advice.

Personally though, I just wouldn't let him sit it.

Original poster
ZoeZebra1 · 20/01/2019 14:38

He wants to go to King Edwards in Chelmsford, Essex.

Yes @Noeuf he is bright. The tutor has been to prepare him for the 11+ and also because he was sailing through the work at primary so we decided the tutor was a good idea to give him a challenge.

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GettingBackToMe · 20/01/2019 14:40

If he’s put all the work in so far, and wants to sit the test, I don’t think it would be fair to stop him. You’d be teaching him that fear of failure is a good reason to give up!

Definitely try and manage his expectations beforehand so he doesn’t rest all his hopes on it, and understands what a long shot it is, but he still has plenty of time to practice exam technique and might just surprise you. If you don’t even let him try he will always wonder.

juneau · 20/01/2019 14:43

As someone whose DS just sat 11+ I would say keep going with the tutor and keep doing practice papers under timed conditions. A few weeks before my DS sat his exams I realised that he still didn't really know how to plan an essay and write it in 30 mins. It's a tall order for anyone, quite frankly, but we practised every day - choose question, 5 mins to write a plan with proper story arc, 20 mins to write and 5 mins to check, and he got there. You have plenty of time, but use it wisely. Talk to the tutor too and see what s/he suggests. One thing I'd try not to do is to put lots of pressure on your DS. Have a plan and follow it, reassure him that he's on track and keep plugging away. 9 months is a long time.

Fiddie · 20/01/2019 14:44

Honestly and I mean this kindly, if he's had a tutor since year 4 and is only getting 50% in the mock I would try to manage his expectations a bit more, and prepare him for a non selective school.

All the grammars here are pretty hardcore.

Whatamuddleduck · 20/01/2019 14:44

I went to a grammar. It was highly pressured. It did me the power of good but the rate of serious mental health issues amongst pupils was staggering.

My view is that you need to address this blinkered approach to getting in now. If he does get in, the pressure stays on until the end. Is that what he is expecting? What’s the plan if he finds it’s not for him?
Failing, making mistakes, having room to learn and improve are all healthy. Does he get that? If not please do work with him on developing those ideas.

juneau · 20/01/2019 14:44

And yes, manage expectations. Prepare him, but also reassure him that if he doesn't get into a grammar it's not the end of the world. It's important that he's not anxious and fearful as this could hinder his performance. A calm, determined and prepared DC is what you're aiming for.

GinaLinetti99 · 20/01/2019 14:46

Please may I be honest.

I am an 11+ tutor in Essex. KEGS is hideously competitive and those kind of scores really won't lead to acceptance. However, great progress can be made between now and then, but even so - your son might not get a place. Are you near enough to the Southend/Westcliff grammars to consider them instead?

If I were you, I would be looking to find a tutor who focuses on the exam (but then I would say that, ha). If not, focus on looking back at the more recent CSSE papers, especially the English. The punctuation and vocabulary activities are easy fixes - the children need to be trained to be methodical in their approach. Your DS needs to be reading widely and increasing his vocabulary.

Cauliflowersqueeze · 20/01/2019 14:46

I think you have to say to him that you will support him and enter him but only on the condition that he has a discussion with you about back up options if it doesn’t go to plan. You can’t set him up like this without that agreement being in place.

SouthWestmom · 20/01/2019 14:52

Tutor since Y4 though. It's ridiculous. These poor kids being put through this.

NicolaStart · 20/01/2019 14:56

It sounds as if much of his drive to sit the 11+ is to do with escaping bullies.

So I would focus hard on the bullying.

An OK primary should be taking action.

Also, at our induction meeting for secondary they specifically asked if there were children Dc would like to avoid and not be in a tutor group with, and any they would like to be with. Setting in comprehensives as well as the size, means that children can almost never be in contact again.

Visit the alternative secondary. Ask about their anti-bullying measured etc.

If he is less anxious about the implications of failing he may be less anxious and do better in his 11+ practice tests.

Original poster
ZoeZebra1 · 20/01/2019 17:56

Yeah I fully admit part of his motivation is a fresh start away from his current year group, and we are addressing that. However he also does seem to genuinely want to do the test, he enjoys the tutor sessions, prepares for them and says adamantly this is what he wants. So I am concerned given his current mock exam results.

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