repeating year 6

[fimoing123]

My DS(10) is summer born, and I'd like him to redo year 6 at a new school. None of the local state schools are open to this, but 2 of the independents are.

DS has a BF. BF is lovely, but super-competitive and pretty much every conversation I hear between them contains some declaration of BF's superiority over DS, whether it be height, no. of cars his dad owns, whatever... This has been going on for years and I pull him up on it when I hear him but I think DS just ignores it as he's so used to it. In short, it's not a massively healthy relationship and I was thinking separate schools would be a blessing.

I know BF is going to one of the schools in Year 7 so visited the other hoping we'd love it but we don't. The school BF is going to just looks perfect for DS too. Now really stuck as to what to do . It's a small school so I'm sure they'd see a fair bit of each other so just not sure what to do.

Has anyone got any experience of repeating years and impact on friendships that they could impart!

Couldn’t you make a request to the new school that they be separated for lessons? It will take some of the competition away as they won’t be doing the exact same lessons at the same time.

Seems a bit extreme! Is he struggling academically?
I agree, simply ask for them to be put in separate classes. Most kids make new friends when they start secondary.

I'm hoping they won't be in the same year, so DS would be in Yr6 BF would be in Yr 7. I guess my issue is that BF will not be let DS forget that he is repeating a year/a year behind etc which slightly defeats the point in doing it.

It seems early to have confirmed year 7places even in private schools. Would year 6 and 7 not be in different parts of the school though? Alternatively find a prep school and move him in 2/3 years time if the senior takes a 13+ entry. Once they have each established separate friendship groups paths are less likely to cross.

Your op isn't clear why you want Ds to redo year 6. Is it just to get away from bf? Or is it because he's behind academically and you feel he needs to redo the work ?

If, after the theoretical repeat of yr6 at a different school, you still want him to go to same school bf will go to, have you asked the school if they would be open to him starting in yr7, even though he is too old? There is a chance they could well say he has to start with his cohort in year 8.

Chances are they will be well split up at secondary anyway, could you move schools now, just for the rest of yr6, then go back to proposed secondary but still with right year group?

But if your DS ignores his friend's comments, what is the problem?
I really think repeating the year would not be beneficial if there is no educational need.
Teach your DS to be a bit more assertive.

@LIZS yep, should have said it's not guaranteed that BF will go to this school but I'm assuming this will happen. Thanks for prep school suggestion, it's something else we've looked at but not really practical due to location.

@xyz I want him to repeat yr 6 to help him catch up academically and socially. He just wasn't ready to learn until year 2 and has been on the back foot since. He's also the youngest, smallest and probably most immature in his year at the moment, and sadly, while some children may be well equipped to deal with this hand, DS isn't

Yep sorry, should have said, definitely not planning on him repeating a year to get away from BF, his BF was going to a different secondary school which I thought might be a good thing. However, now it turns out we are considering sending DS to same school albeit in the year below BF.

Does it actually bother your ds? My parents unbeknown to me tried to split me and my df up at the high school move. They deliberately misled me into choosing a different school to her then lied to her family so they applied for the other school in my area. When results came out her mum found out what happened and promptly made sure df came into my year.

Even though she’s actually bullied me in year 6 but I did still like her. The intake at out high school was only 90 a year but I found new friends immediately but we also were grateful to have each other being the only two coming from our primary and we’re now in our 30’s and still very much friends despite moving around the world/me having dc etc we see each other at least once a month as long as she’s not jetsetting as I’ve settled down now!

Oh ok it’s not just because of that!

This is going to have to be anecdotal;

I'm sorry to hear of this difficulty; as a parent I sympathise; my son was born at the end of August, and was small anyway; he felt "overwhelmed" by the bigger boys around him, who were often nearly a year older than him, and he did not do as well , or enjoy things, at school as his more mature friends did. It affected his confidence; I wanted him to wait another year, but was overruled, which I regret.

As a 34 year old, though, he is fine, and is playing quite a good level of amateur football, while the lads who towered over him in year 7 and afterwards are mostly fat do-nothings.

Myself, I had to stay down a year at 14, as I was struggling to keep up , and it was the best thing that ever happened.

But your son is your son. Each case is different. Good luck with your decisions.

My DS2 repeated a year at Primary but it was a lot of hoops to jump through and had to be agreed by the council (since they managed admissions), the Primary school (to have him educated out of year) and the Secondary school (to accept him a year late and educate him out of year). My impression is that it's a very unusual thing to do, especially if the child doesn't have a statement/EHCP. In my DS's case it only went through because he had missed a year of school (due to starting school in Northern Ireland where the cut off is July 1 instead of August 30 then moving to England) and because he was two years behind with his literacy due to dyslexia.

You run the risk of your child repeating year 6 only to have to go straight into year 8 at Secondary level to match his age. How will he feel about being left behind while his peers move on? Is he happy that he will be the oldest in the year all through Secondary school? He will be finishing school at 19 while his friends are all 18.

How is he doing in his SATs preparation? Are you aware that if he doesn't meet expectations in his year 6 SATs then the Secondary school can get extra funding to catch him up to his peers at the start of year 7?

It might be worth speaking to the prospective Secondary schools' SENCOs to find out how they manage summer-born year 7s to make sure they can access the curriculum. Some schools will be better than others at this.

It's a lot of factors to consider. I don't regret moving my son back a year but it was driven by the Primary school and the fact that he had missed a year of the curriculum was probably what swung it.

Repeating a year can be massively damaging psychologically. I'd be very wary of changing years until I'd exhausted all options.

Is he significantly behind academically?

mother of dragons; being in the wrong year is a can of worms, yes.

My sister who was a tad brainy, was at Grammar School at 9, and had to wait a further year to go to UNi at 16, so did extra Scholarship Levels for fun in the Upper-upper 6th. She says she never had a friend at school. For me, staying down at 14 for a year, it was great. Finally, I felt I could cope with the whole school thing.

It depends on the individual, doesn't it? I'd not rule it out. There is a huge difference between kids at year 6 and 7. It is almost a tenth of their lives.

Is you intention to keep hi private school throughout secondary years because if not he will just be put back into his actual year group and so would end up missing year 7 (if you moved him after a year for example). You would then have the issue of joining a secondary school as a late applicant and would have no real choice
Of where he is placed. Personally what you are proposing sounds an awful idea to me and could put him at an even worse disadvantage. Let him go to secondary school and ask the school to put him in a different form and different half of the register to his bf.

It's interesting to see the different opinions. I'm weighing up what is least damaging - to continue at the bottom of the pile when you are sensitive to that, or to be put down a year but continue your school career as one of the oldest and the advantage that can bring. It's really hard. More so given that his BF will potentially be at the same school and if so, will have to draw attention to it.

@Hersetta Yes, my intention is to keep him in private from yr 6 onwards. I wouldn't particularly be worried about by DS and BF being in the same class if they were in the same year, it's more that BF would delight in pointing out that DS is behind.

Is it an advantage to know you cannot stay with your friends because your parents think you cannot cope, are not capable of learning with your friends and you are a bit of a misfit? Playing devil’s advocate - but going down a year isn’t always better even if you are the oldest and then get the first birthday in the class!

It’s too late to do this, I think. You might find your DS isn’t bothered by the boasting because the child has other good points. It’s maybe just you who is bothered? What does your DS think? It’s him that’s going to be messed around.

Does he have any SEN? If not then I would not hold him back as that could potentially have a damaging effect on him. Is this something the school have advised or are you doing it solely to keep him away from his friend?
If you feel he is struggling (and the school do too) then he will have extra help for him to catch up.

Don't you think keeping him back in Y6 at the school his friend will attend is just another thing his friend can use to assert his superiority?

It’s a shame it’s ended up that it’s year 6 you want him to repeat. In most schools it’s a very tedious year of revision and SATS practice. Friendships are usually long established within the class.
Could you get him some catch up tutoring instead?

I’ll revise that - many schools, not ‘most’.

What is the structure of the school you are sending him to? Not a prep school you say, so is it a through school right from little ones to 18? Will they spend year 6 preparing for 11+ to enter their own upper school and to allow some children to leave to other independents, as is usual, and would that make for a good year to move? Given that 11+ happens in January there is a danger that he turns up, spends a term being flogged through very challenging maths, English and VR, hitting his confidence, and then the rest of the year slacking. If yes to this, might year 7 be a better time to do this manoeuvre?

Moving systems can give you a handy script to help him feel ok about the change - things are different at this school, you haven’t had a chance to cover the stuff the boys in year x have so you will be in year y etc

I agree through, I am afraid, that having another boy join if he is likely to loudly and repeatedly point out that your son has been back squaded doesn’t really help with that storyline. What a bore.

Are their senior and junior schools very separate??

Just one thing has been bugging me; I may be out of date, because I retired from working in education in 1999, but it was said earlier that if someone "does year 6 again" they would then get bumped up to year 8 on arrival at a state secondary school.

That was never the case in the past. Is it now? if it is, it is madness, isn't it?