Higher teacher assistant called my 6 year old an idiot

[Mumsonthewarpath]

Last week a mummy friend heard this teacher call a young boy stupid, idiot and disgusting. He thought my little boy yesterday so I asked him if he liked this teacher to which he replied no, when I asked why he said he's mean, again I asked why and my little boy said he'd called him stupid. My little boy is 6 do that's bad enough but my little boy also has adhd. A few parents have come to me and said their child has heard him call other boys these names so it seems to just be aimed towards boys. What are parents veiws on this matter please as I actually want him struck off.

I think it’s entirely possible that you ds may have got caught up on this, if Its stuff the other dc are saying, even if he doesn’t usually lie.

Also if a child is acting stupid, or like an idiot, i.e putting others at risk, disturbing others, I don’t see the problem in teaching staff telling them this.

For your information he was just jumping up and down in a field...

Yes children can lie but not as much as adults in my experience !

Hmmm that’s the version of events you heard.
Maybe if you hadn’t if yelled at the headteacher you’d know the whole story from a reliable source.
You sound aggressive and hard work, and I don’t think interacting with your sons teachers in that way will do him any favours.
Take a step back and do some fact finding before launching into a rant.

I think you are doing very well and yes, you will know your child. The fact you have been able to discuss with your child and explain the difference between "stupid behaviour" and being called "stupid" speaks volumes for your emotional intelligence.

The things you have been told by other parents who have personally heard words they are uncomfortable with, other children and your own child are definitely all things that cause me concern.

You are taking care of your child in this situation by discussing as you have, that's really good.

The teacher should not have come on the phone with you, you had a concern and a professional teacher would have arranged for this to be dealt with properly i.e. a conversation in person including their supervisor. As a teacher, if children are saying things that feel are unfair or untrue, it is the teacher's responsibility to take this on and deal with it, both for the child or children involved (are they misunderstanding, is there upset for other reasons, how can this be resolved so that children are comfortable and understand) as well as own professional reputation (if it was suggested I did something didn't or something was taken out of context, I would want that discussed and understanding reached for myself!). So the teacher's behaviour towards you concerns me too.

It is good that other parents are in the conversation with you, I would definitely want them to stay a part of this so I didn't somehow end up getting sent in on my own. Plus if other children/parents are raising concerns, it's not just an issue about one child, it's a community issue.

So, you are doing well.

Yes I would continue with the meeting, take someone else with you, maybe another parent and someone without a child at the school who can witness the conversation, if possible. If nothing is done (there should always be a formal response) or you feel patronised or dismissed, absolutely keep going up the ladder and keep the other parents with you. I'd try to avoid taking it on alone or being the spokesperson as in general this can lead to things being made personal about you as a distraction.

Stay calm and keep doing what you are doing with your child, I think you are doing really well.

I haven't launched into a rant, I'm being a mum and protecting my child from small minded people like yourself. That's my job and yes I may be a little more protective because he has special needs but again, that's my job as his mum. I've know my child for 6 years and would believe him over an arrogant intimidating teacher any day because again, that's my job so if you've come on here to chirp on then kindly keep your opinions to yourself...

Thank you so much for your advice, I didn't think about taking anyone else in with me I will do now. I'm not doing this for anybody else that has a problem with the same teacher, my concern is my child but by other parents telling me about this and other issues it proves it was not an isolated case. Until my child gives me reasons to not believe him I will always believe him. My son does not do well on buses as he gets very agitated and won't sit down so when I tell him off he has been having an outburst towards me calling me stupid and an idiot to which I've been telling him they're not nice words to say to people but until yesterday I just couldn't fathom where he'd got these words from and why he thought it acceptable to use them do frequently, I now know where he got them from.

For goodness sake you sound like an absolute pearl clutcher “my child could never have known the word idiot or stupid”. “My child would never tell a lie”. Guess what kids pick stuff up he could have heard it in the playground. Kids tell lies. Kids get swept up and run with a story parts may be fictional and parts not. I don’t think sometimes the child themself can always differentiate between the truth and a lie at such a young age. If a six year old does tell a porky it doesn’t make them a bad child, quite normal really.
This teacher could have done something wrong. Or the kids could be exaggerating stuff as they sometimes do.
Stop ranting at headteachers and going on a witch hunt. Raise your concerns. Fair enough. But this man deserves a fair trial before he is made out to be some kind of child abuser for which you have no more evidence for than playground gossip.
Get a grip. This is a mans job you are so flippantly talking about jeopardising, and harping on about my child doesn’t lie and my child could only know the word idiot from him makes you sound like a fool.

Is this a teacher or a Learning Assistant? I thought you originally said it was a LA? If so, there is a difference in the level of training.

Just keep calm in any meetings. You may find your child has said things to you because you pushed for information and it’s easy to copy what other children say rather than expressing exactly what’s happened to him personally. I’m not saying he’s wrong but be aware this can happen. Don’t go in all guns blazing.

Hearsay evidence is difficult. Are the other parents complaining or are you taking this on yourself? If they won’t complain, what value is their hearsay evidence? They haven’t thought it serious enough to do anything about it. It’s vital you all complain via the complaints procedure that is on the school’s web site. It’s more forceful if you can all do this.

I hope you have a constructive meeting.

Bloody hell, the goady fuckers convention!

OP I’d go nuclear.

Read the post about special needs children at 6 year old not having the mental ability to lie and the post where I said I have older children at 19 and 18 that knew how to lie at a very young age, I know some kids know how to lie and I also know mine has not got that ability as yet, you clearly have no idea what having a child with special needs is. Not arguing with you as I can't change the mind of a small minded person like you. Why should adults automatically be believe yet children shouldn't...

Your comment made me laugh so thank you for that. I'm trying to go through the correct channel with this as I want my son to know it's not okay that he was called an idiot from a teacher and as much as I'd love to kick off I also want my son to know that's not the way to deal with this situation.

Children know how to lie.
But more relevant here is that their perception may not be the same as ours. DD swore vociferously that her glasses weren't in her bag as she had looked. They were.
Teacher may have said it was a stupid thing to do. And maybe it was.
You shouldn't be raising your voice to a member of staff.
Other parents complaining is completely irrelevant. And you don't get to say a member of staff should be "struck off".

Itchyknees
Bloody hell, the goady fuckers convention!

OP I’d go nuclear.

The irony.

He's a higher level ta. I asked my son to pretend he was the teacher and I was him and show me exactly what the teacher did to which he put his face in mine and said idiot. The other parents have complained before over a different situation with the same teacher and parents have said the head teacher can speak to them as it didn't actually happen to their child but one parent actually heard him say the same thing to a different child last week and 2 parents have asked their kids if the same teacher has ever said anything mean to them, their kids said no but they've heard him say the same names to other kids.

So what did your child actually do. TBH I'm sometimes amazed teachers don't say much worse when I see how some kids behave!
Stupid isn't a word I would use. To label a behaviour. Or say it was a daft thing to do. Ok.
You need to avoid raising your voice or say you're protecting your child. You need to find the facts and be calm.

Like I said for the people that clearly cannot read other posts or are just too small minded to take it on board, my special needs child did not know how to lie and if all you goody goody parents would rather believe a teacher than your own flesh and blood go then shame on you...

My child said he was jumping around pretending to be a rabbit which is something he would do. Children are taught in school that it's not nice to call other children names so what example is this teacher setting, not a very good one.

So he was behaving in a daft fashion during a lesson. Was he told off? Was he then rude?

He has adhd, children with special needs do dolly things all the time. Would it be okay to tell a blind child off for walking into something. If you don't know anything about special needs then don't comment.

I can comment. Having ADHD doesn't mean he gets to stop the teacher teaching and the class from learning. It may mean he struggles with certain things but it isn't carte Blanche to twat about because he can't help it

He's 6 year old and he was on the field doing p.e not 16 taking his exams and disrupting the entire class you absolute imbeseile. Messing about is out of his mental ability to control

It's "imbecile"!
And I thought you believed calling people names was unacceptable!
PE is a lesson.
6 year olds aren't perfect. But justifying all sorts of silly and disruptive behaviour by claiming he can't help it and has ADHD will not help. He needs to learn coping mechanisms and the school need to help support him.

Hmm. Nice attitude.
He won't learn if you insist on defending his behaviour and saying he can't control it and expect him to magically turn into a well behaved child when he's older.
He will learn if instead of attacking strangers on the Internet and the poor TA you work with your child to improve his behaviour.