Higher teacher assistant called my 6 year old an idiot

[Mumsonthewarpath]

Last week a mummy friend heard this teacher call a young boy stupid, idiot and disgusting. He thought my little boy yesterday so I asked him if he liked this teacher to which he replied no, when I asked why he said he's mean, again I asked why and my little boy said he'd called him stupid. My little boy is 6 do that's bad enough but my little boy also has adhd. A few parents have come to me and said their child has heard him call other boys these names so it seems to just be aimed towards boys. What are parents veiws on this matter please as I actually want him struck off.

Has he actually called them stupid, or has he said their behaviour is stupid? Because there is a difference.

But I would follow the complaints procedure to the letter. There is no point in escalating it without correctly following all the steps - it will just get bounced back most likely.

Yes I know there is a difference and he was heard by another parent telling a child "you're stupid he didn't call my boy stupid he called him an idiot.

I'm wondering if you're a teacher rather than a parent and just to let you know, a parent told me she would have kicked out with the teacher in question in the playground.

OP, you can be both but more importantly, I would want to be distancing myself from any parent who told you that she would have 'kicked out' (do you mean physically or verbally assaulted?) with a teacher. That's pathetic, childish behaviour.

I've now sat my child down and told him that if a teacher tells him that his behaviour was stupid that's okay but if he's told he's stupid that is not okay.

In your complaint you must get your version of events straight and make this as unemotional as possible.

You need to go in with the facts as you now them and not use hearsay from other parents as this will reduce the impact of what you are trying to say.

I meant kicked off. Must have pressed a wrong button. I would never kick off in front of my child or any other. Obviously I want to protect my little boy and I need to know he's safe when I'm not around. My child loves school as he gets bored very easily with having adhd but he hates p.e and I now know why.

*know them not now

I'm going to write it all down today. Thank you.

Don't tell me it's innapropriate to raise my voice at a teacher when the teacher in question called my boy with special needs stupid. Unless you've had a child with special needs you have no idea how challenging trying to for each them right from wrong is so what example is this teacher setting by calling my son and others names. The school has a sigh in the playground saying they will not tolerate bullying well that should go for the teachers too... do not presume I abused said teacher when you weren't there and did not hear the conversation..

No it is not ok for a teacher to talk to your child like this.

Also, all children lie.

It's understandable that you raised your voice with the teacher - clearly this is an upsetting situation.

It's not helpful though - shouting isn't taken seriously. You will get further by being calm and sticking to the facts.

Don't tell me it's innapropriate to raise my voice at a teacher when the teacher in question called my boy with special needs stupid.
A very sensible person told me a piece of good advice once.
‘Once you’ve lost your temper you’ve lost the argument’
And it’s just as true in this case. There seems to be lots of hearsay from other parents and parent gossip in this whole scenario. We are told as teachers to hang up if parents become abusive on the phone. The minute you start shouting at him, you become the unreasonable parent, and the Head has a duty of care to protect their staff as well as the children. As a PP said, there is also a big difference between saying that behaviour is stupid and saying that a child is stupid. It is a clear distinction in intent, but a child would only hear the word. At the moment you don’t know exactly what has happened, but are Allowing lots of other parents to chime in with their ‘anecdotes’ about this man’s behaviour. He could well be a horrible person who either needs to leave or more training about ways to speak to children. But you absolutely will not get the outcome you want (the alleged behaviour towards your to son stop) if you go in completely on the attack.

No all children DON'T lie.

Children with ASD, learning disabilities or other neurodevelopmental conditions (inc ADHD) may not be at the developmental stage where they have learnt how to lie yet.

To be able to lie you have to understand that someone doesn't know what you know. You then have to come up with an alternative story. Children who struggle with theory of mind and social imagination often can't do this. So they can't lie.

They may learn how to lie as they get older and reach that developmental stage.

HOWEVER these children may mis-interpret something that has happened due to their social difficulties.

My 11 year has ASD and still can't lie, at least not in anyway convincingly.

I am a parent of a child with special needs. I'm also a teacher.

I think raising your voice was inappropriate. You need to calmly state what your child has told you to the HT and then allow them to investigate.

careful...may be misinterpretation ie telling child that that behaviour was stupid not the child - there is a distinct difference - whether that was wise is another matter. When approaching authorities it is best to go cautiously if you want the best result. ie "I am a bit concerned - as my son told me that... surely this doesn't sound right?" don't get angry they will become defensive & will put it down to difficult mum - I would also suggest that you say something like "I am sorry if I sounded angry, but I am sure you understand that I was anxious because with my son's issues I have to be careful about other people's misjudgements and he is vulnerable so we (!!!! this way you include them as partners!) need to protect him"

I can understand that you were upset during the phone call, but by shouting, or raising your voice you have made the situation worse. Even calling the teacher directly was a mistake IMO. You need to stop listening to other parents in the playground because it is starting to sound like a witch hunting clique and proceed with this on your child's behalf alone - not bringing other people's experiences into the situation because you can't build a case based on hearsay. If other parents have issues with the TA they need to bring it to the HT on their own behalf, and escalate it on their own behalf using the recognised procedure. No school leader is going to take notice of school gate gossip.

Write down what happened with your child as plainly and as accurately as you can. Include dates and the context. GIve a copy to the HT when you see them. Explain how upset your child has been, and ask what the HT is going to do to ensure that the situation does not arise again. If you are not happy with the HT ' s response say calmly that you wish to escalate the complaint to the governing body. Then leave the meeting!!!!

Make sure you send an email to the HT outlining what happened in the meeting and reiterating that you are escalating the complaint.

Whatever happens the HLTA will not be "struck off" since there is nothing to strike him off.

I've lost count in this discussion how many times I've said I didn't call the teacher in question, I called reception asking for an appointment to see the head and I only raised my voice when the teacher in question came on the phone with an arrogant tone and told me my child and the mum that heard him call a small child stupid and an idiot last week were lying. He literally bellows at the kids and walks around with a huge chip on his shoulder.

I've lost count in this discussion how many times I've said I didn't call the teacher in question, I called reception asking for an appointment to see the head and I only raised my voice when the teacher in question came on the phone with an arrogant tone and told me my child and the mum that heard him call a small child stupid and an idiot last week were lying.

But you did call the school and spoke to the TA in question, even if you intended to speak to the head. You must’ve agreed to speak to him if the receptionist handed the phone to him. Did he actually use the word ‘lying’ in your phone conversation? Sounds to me like he needs a huge amount of training. It would be VERY unusual for a TA to deal with parents over the phone or about a problem without a teacher being there too, or at least aware of the conversation taking place. The receptionist shouldn’t have handed the phone over really I don’t think. Fine if it were a ‘what do 2B need to wear for their trip tomorrow?’ Type question, when the TA for that class happened to be walking past, but not to deal directly with a parent complaint like that...

No I didn't ask to speak to him and I wasn't told he was coming on the phone. In hindsightvwhen he did I should have said I'd like to be put back onto the receptionist but you don't think about hindsight when you've just found out your child has been called an idiot, he does do daft silly things with him having adhd but you wouldn't tell a blind child to watch where they're walking.

I think it sounds like he needs more training-and so does the receptionist-there’s no way he should’ve been put on the phone like that with no warning to him and you-what a perfect recipe for him being defensive and you getting cross, thus making matters immediately worse. I hope your meeting goes well with the head on Monday and things improve

It really saddens me to see how many posters accuse kids of lying straight away. No wonder some children find it hard to come forward about serious issues when folk already treat them as little liers.

Teachers are not gods - unlike what some MN posters believe

op I hope you get it sorted and a result that you want.

Posters are advising caution and gathering facts before going to the school to make accusations. Probably teachers and people with teachers in the family.

I don’t think anyone is saying that the child lied. What they are saying is that children do lie.
However children with ASD will quite possibly not lie. The child in question has ADHD.

I totally agree with you and I probably wouldn't have raised my voice had the receptionist just given my an app with the head teacher.