TA slapped my son's hand...... What would you do ??

[moosh]

Ds is in Yr2, a bright young man who is excellent at reading, numeracy and good at literacy a lively sociable boy with great imagination.
He has had many little incidents with his TA over the last 2.5 yrs (shes been with his class since Reception), but not sure if I have shrugged this one off without reacting.
As parents, What would you do?

It was lunchtime the kids came in and got their plates. Now the TA usually gives the kids their cutlery, but they were waiting a while. Ds took it upon himself to go and get some knives and forks for him and his friends. As he put his hand in the drawer the TA saw him, came over picked his hand up and slapped him on it and told him to not get the cutlery and go and sit down.
My reaction to ds was that he broke the rules,he should of sat and waited for his cutlery, it is dangerous for him to get the knives and forks and that is why they have to wait for an adult to do it. I do not agree with her reaction, but it was probably a knee jerk reaction I told him that I would discuss it with dp when he got home.
We did and have decided that although ds looked annoyed by it when telling me, he wasn't really upset and crying so we have decided not go to the school on this incident, but dp is convinced that the Ta doesn't like our son, if a similar situation occured then I would not hesistate to go to the Head Teacher.

But now, not sure if our reaction is the right one. I am not one to go all guns blazing and argue with the teachers at the school, but I am no push over too and am wondering whether I should go to the school or not.

What do you think, if it was your child what would you do ?
Thanks

Also a friend pointed out to me that if it was instinctive she would have tapped his hand without picking it up?
Surely thinking about she picked his hand up and then tapped it which seems to me that she had time to think, she could have picked his hand up out of the drawer and put it down on the table and then told him off?
He said it did sting a little bit, so even if it was a tap and noot a slap it was a stinging tap which in my eyes was wrong.
I'll be leaving to get him in 15 mins as I walk to the school I'll make a decisin to talk to the teacher or not.

Well I wouldnt care who it was I would not stand for anyone laying a hand on my dd, whatever their social status.

Speak to the school. This is totally unacceptable.

If it is a one off incident would she be sacked or just investigated etc?

My gut response is that she is in a position of authority, and as such you do not touch the children - hugging them when they are sobbing their hearts out is a grey area, but slapping, even tapping for naughtiness is a very clear black area.

Knee jerk reaction - if you are working with children you cannot allow yourself to have that reaction.

I wouldn't do anything,personally don't see anything wrong with a tap on his hand.Not worth ruining someones job for,especially as your son wasn't particularly bothered.

there are two issues here, and the reason i find this woman's behaviour totally unacceptable is that you have raised the point that you have had concerns in the past that she does not appear to like your son. For that to have filtered home is concern in itself - you don't say if your son has had the same problems with other teachers. I mean it could just be that he doesnt like her, we all had teachers we didnt like but children are perceptive and if she doesn't like him, he will be able to tell. I would definately not be happy about her "tapping" my child, i remember being "tapped" by a teacher who i actually loved when i was very small and although i made a joke of it to my mum and dad i was really upset by it and of course it didn't hurt but it was the whole humiliation thing. Definately raise your concerns with the head teacher, i'm not sure what sort of training a teaching assistant has but i am pretty sure that it would include the fact that it is not acceptable to "smack" children.

Why are you not asking the TA involved in this? Why would you go to the head first or the teacher? If she tapped or hit your child then she needs to be spoken to directly, after you have spoken to her then go to the teacher and or the head. Make sure she knows that her action was unacceptable and if need be take it further, but I would get her side of the story first before involving others...

I wouldnt do anything either.

DS should not have done what he was doing and I doubt it was a smack. It could have been a pushing away move.

If the TA and DS are having problems then I would deal with that.

How old is your child? I would not get over excited tbh, as the TA may have a very different version of what happened for a start. If there is a longstanding problem with this ta then i'd make an appointment to discuss that, but hold your fire a bit on any allegations of 'hitting'.

Don't some people make a fuss over nothing, if the head is informed then they have no choice but to make a big song and dance about it, and it was probably such a gentle tap that the boy took it all in his stride.

If it was last week then it would be too difficult to sort out now anyway

If the head teacher is informed, the matter will have to be investigated. It won't necessarily mean the TA losing her job, but I think the school should be informed that an incident occurred.

Maybe you could go in and discuss it with the TA and class teacher to find out her version of what happened. If she did hit a child, she needs to know it is not ever acceptable.

I think you have to inform the Headteacher (probably by letter). If the TA feels able to be physical with a child in a public space, what is her behaviour like in private? The school have a responsibility to safeguard the children and they cannot do that if no one identifies incidents that cause concern.
If this is the only incident, she needs training in implementing the school's behaviour policy and an update on the Safeguarding Children (Child Protection Policy). If there have been other incidents it will allow the Headteacher to act.

Did you speak to the teacher?

If a member of staff had laid a hand on my child, I wouldn't hesitate on telling the Head or class teacher. Its unacceptable whatever the reasons.

can you be sure it wasnt a "ta turning to see him with hand in the cutlery draw and instinctive to bat his hand away from danger"?

or a gentle removing of his hand whilst tapping it with a fingertip, we are not allowed to do this type motion?

if i was in any doubt i would ask the ta herself first.

I would make very sure that is was indeed a smack before I did anything. In fact, I would probably assume that it was a warning tap and leave it alone completely, while reinforcing to my ds that he shouldn't touch the cutlery. It was certainly a lapse in judgement by the TA (you cannot be too careful, and she should know that), but unless it was a proper hit, then I would leave it. But monitor how things were going between them.

I would talk to the ta herself before completely wrecking her career. Most school would sack a TA as a precaution even if she is 100% innoccent. The woman would not ever be allowed to work with children again even if she had done nothing. When working with children people are guilty whoever is making the accusation.

If she hit him, you need to do something about it. Be very sure that she did though because you could ruin her life.

While I said I would go straight to the Head or class teacher, I would want to hear both sides of the story. It depends on how you get on with the TA as to whether you could talk to her.
But, if she hit a child, that is a sackable offence and she would know that. Has she worked there long?

I am a TA and know full well the consequences of what would happen if I raised my hand to a child.

Thanks for your opinions everyone.
One of his friends saw her do it. I do feel it was a warning tap and I am not out to ruin her career, life. But I have trained as a TA (not working as one yet but volunteer at the mo) and I would never do that to somebody else's child.
As I said yesterday I've made a decision, dp and I have decided to monitor the situation with her and ds. I think she has been at the school for years but she is quite a stern TA and she has 4 boys of her own (all teens now). I talk to her but on a strictly formal basis I talk better with his teacher.
Dp always gets the feeling that she doesn't like him or ds, I'm not sure.
The main thing is ds was not traumatised by it, but I have got my eye on her and as dp said one more incident and we will go and talk straight to the Head Teacher.

Just shows how things change, at DS1's school a few years back one of the midday assistant's picked an argument outside the school which ended with her goading her DH to fight with another father, it was over something some silly arguement her DT's had with another girl in their class. She had already had been shouting at the girl. The woman was allowed to keep her job despite being totally unsuitable - she left at the end of the school year though mainly because her precious DD's were also leaving the school

I would complain right away, noone would get away with doing that to any of my children. I also wouldn't care about her losing her job as she should have thought about that before smacking a child and she should face the consequences.

Phone the school and speak to the head. It is not acceptable for a teaching asistant to slap a childs hand.

If this happened to my child my reaction would be nuclear I'm afraid.

i'd be very cross indeed and i would speak to the hm about it