Repeating Year 6 - from furious mum!

[Melzie7]

Hello
I need some advice and what better place to come (I hope). To cut a long story short, on Friday I was met at the school gate (I never usually get to the school gate as I'm always at work) by DDs head who casually said 'I've been talking to (DD) about repeating Year 6 as she's getting really anxious in tests'. I know DD struggles with tests but she is a bright girl (I'm a secondary teacher) who needs extra time as she is a slow processor (undiagnosed). Whilst the school has flagged up things in the past, I've been told she is dyspraxia, has ADHD, etc etc but when asked about intervention nothing has been done and another year passes. To be told on Friday that she should repeat the year left me gobsmacked and I didn't know what to say other than 'we should meet after half term to discuss'. When I got home I was furious, and still am. My DD is an October birthday (today actually) and quite socially mature so this would be devastating for her confidence. I wouldn't mind (well I would actually) but she is really quite a clever girl and in terms of emotional intelligence she is streets ahead of many other kids in this respect. I really don't know what to say to the school without going off on one.......any advice out there? I think it probably comes down to lack of funding for extra support but surely having a child in the school for another year costs the school more?

Have you applied for secondary school?

Thanks again. ObscurredbyFog is probably a pseudonym I need to take on myself as clearly I have been obscured by this fog that has surrounded me. But thanks for your constructive criticism. OK, I feel I’m failing as a mother as I have my own anxiety issues, so in the same way I’ve been told to snap out of it, I guess I’ve expected DD to do the same. Sad thing is that with the kids I teach I am much more understanding than I often am with my own daughter. Yes I do need to be more aware of her emotional needs but I do my best with the limited time I have. CAMHS have discharged her and they are happy with the progress she has made, as am I with her eating, but it’s hard for me to try to tackle school based anxiety when she comes home herself and indicates they are making a mountain out of a molehill. She’s told me that they keep going on about her going to CAMHS (in front of other kids) and she herself wants to move on and feel normal. She is, in many ways, a very normal kid. The EP report came through today which highlighted the visual side of things being an issue so I feel so relieved that the BEhavioural optometrist’s comments dovetail with where her weaknesses lie. I may be a teacher but I don’t have EP experience and certainly don’t know about the complex visual processing issues that lead to issues with development at school. I’m really grateful that I know so much more now as I feel it puts me in a better position to support (and identify) kids who may have similar needs. Things are failing into place and I know it won’t be a quick fix.
HT seemed to be sounding me out it seems when she suggested DD stay down a year. She told me that whilst she was under CAMHS that it would be a possibility. When I said she was being discharged she realised that there probably weren’t any grounds to keep her back. The secondary school application is now in, and will stay in. I’m completing a form for funding for a private school but I don’t think we will get in as I think she will need to do Uber well on the entrance tests. At least her school have said she can have extra time and laptop for SATS now that EP report has suggested this. She’s also started a new spelling program at school (Nessy?) so she is enjoying that, and we do Maths now every night which we weren’t before. I know it seems like maybe I haven’t done enough up to now but when the school seemed to just complain about her being fidgety and distracted there wasn’t a lot I could do. The OT saw her in Year 4 and apart from a cushion there wasn’t anything they could do. I suppose it’s only this year that the gravity of the situation has been brought to my attention and I am pleased (despite my initial fury) as it’s meant I can justifiably take action. I had spoken with an EP about three years ago but she had told me that unless the school were indicating any educational issues then getting a report would be a waste of money. When I’d asked the school about it they felt the issues were not something an EP report would highlight but suggested her issues were more medical, hence why OT saw her, but after two appointments that was it. Should I have pursued an EP report when I first felt there were issues? I don’t know. But what’s done is done. I’m going to do my best and hope that’s good enough. In an ideal world I wouldn’t work and I’d be able to devote so much more time and energy to supporting my child but needs must and I need to establish a balance that works well for both of us. Fortunately I think the relationship with the school has dramatically improved over the past couple of weeks so I feel there is hope. Yes, there’s 8 months ahead and I hope they will be really good ones for DD.

I repeated a year when I came back from abroad after 6 years.
It was the worse thing that ever happened to me, not wanting to be a drama queen it makes a huge difference at that age.
You lose your friends, you feel too old for the class and it deatroys your confidence.
This teacher is a complete idiot in my humble opinion.

Okay my top tip: do not over tutor for secondary, fine for the private school, but for an ordinary secondary if she is heavily tutored and just gets over a boundary - then this could disqualify her from extra help at secondary. My son when he started secondary received some extra help that he wouldn't have got if he'd just done a bit better, but no one at Primary warned about this.
Also do try to remember that SATs were designed to measure schools performance, and a lot of secondaries take them with a healthy pinch of salt. My DC all have performed better at a large secondary than at their "caring" Primary.

Glad to hear you are feeling more positive and that the relationship with school has improved.
The situation with your DD may continue to feel difficult, but if you are all all working together constructively, then I'm sure that better outcomes for her will be possible through this year and into secondary.
Is it worth telling Camhs that the school have concerns still (do they liaise directly with Cahms) so that she perhaps stays within the service?
And re staying in Primary, as I thought, it was just an idea being mooted - it sounds like the school are realising this may not be possible or sensible and it sounds like you have definitely made it clear it's not what you want - and without your support, this was never going to go much further as an idea.
Your DD can start looking forward to secondary, like everyone else.
I'd agree that private school entrance exams will be very hard for her if she is struggling with work generally at school. Are you sure the private school is fully geared up to meet her needs,mevennif she were to be offered a place, which as you say, if she can't perform strongly in the exams is unlikely anyway? People often report that private schools, especially small ones which aren't specifically targeted at SEN can be worse in providing than state schools which at secondary are usually large with very developed SEN departments. COuld the exams just be an added pressure and stress that could be avoided?

Anyway, best wishes moving forward,

DD came out of school saying 'the HT wanted to see you' Is this the most unprofessional HT on Earth?

The HT is relatively new in her role and is still learning, but yes I agree, it was somewhat unprofessional.
Unfortunately the hypermobility has been an issue today and I'm currently at the hospital with DD with yet another case of dislocated thumb so it will be another 8 weeks of not being able to write. Grrrr. But we will get there. I'm going to be assertive with the hand consultant this time and demand some action as 3 times in 15 months is too frequent and this is also really holding DD back. Tomorrow's another day and all that.....

Can she type? Or will she be able to before being able to write?
I would certainly be asking for accommodations for her hyper mobility.

Do pop into the Goose and Carrot in SN Chat for some support with hyper mobility issues etc.

The Goose and Carrot? That sounds interesting!