please help me with my school dilemma

[shergar]

DH and I can't decide between two schools for our DD, who starts Reception in September. We currently have places reserved at both, and in the next two weeks will need to cancel one.

School #1 is the local state primary, which is 5 minutes walk away. It is lovely, and has its own swimming pool and little wood, and is Outstanding in all Ofsted categories with a great headmaster (however, pretty sure he'll retire soon). Our neighbour's DD, who our DD loves, is also starting there at the same time, and another neighbour's DD will go the year after too. After school care there (DH and I work full time) is a bit of an issue though - children are taken by bus to a childcare centre a mile away, and I feel quite worried about the logistics of it all. (Neighbour also works, and would use same childcare for after school).

School #2 is the local prep school, which is also lovely and set in a huge area of parkland, with brilliant facilities. DD has been at the nursery there and so knows it well, and we originally just intended to send her there as we didn't think we'd get a place at School #1. It's a 10 minute drive away (too far to walk, and across a dual carriageway). There are classes of ten though, and children can stay there doing various activities until 5.30pm, which I am more comfortable with as an after school care plan.

We can afford #2, though it won't be easy as there is a DS to follow in 2 years (Option #1 would definitely allow for more other things like exciting holidays, music lessons and home improvements!) and we just can't work out what to do for the best. Any advice or perspectives gratefully received, and I know that these are both good choices and we're lucky to have them.

School 1

We had the option of the local private school (yes!, us, oiks can pay as well Xenia) but thought about it for about 5 seconds and decided to go for the local FREE good state round the corner.

Plus, I think it is possible to learn something extremely important from a school that says "We will do our very best to meet the needs of whoever walks through our door" whether or not their parents value education, whether or not they are clever in an academic sense, whether or not they have money, etc, because EVERYONE deserves a good education, regardless of social, financial and ability factors. I don't know if my children are learning that but it's something I desperately (and probably naively) want for them.

Sorry for hijack, shergar. I'm still rooting for school 1, though as hulababy rightly says, I am, as you can tell. biased.

Definitely try school 1. Being able to walk to school is a big plus and if you have a good state primary, save your money for private secondary if you need it.

School 1, without a doubt.

I would not want my children to grow up knowing that the reason we all missed out on daytrips/holidays is because my parents had to pay my and my siblings' school fees.

To have such an excellent state school near you is a real bonus. Our local infant school had an outstanding in every area offsted report recently, and the waiting list is huuuuuggggeeee. We live in an area surrounded by private schools, but lots of parents who could go private (and live in the small cathcment area for the local infant school )choose our local infants. The community spirit is soo important. Having friends next door who go to school with you, popping to the local shop and bumping into children you know from school, those minor things are so important to me....

As your neighbour is also using the after school care system offerend by school 1, try it and see how your children like it. If there is a problem, then I am sure between the two of you you can improve after school care at the school, or find a good childminder. There are lots of options out there and I would not chose a school purely because of after-school care.

I totally agree with you hippi. We are also in a similar situation - most of the parents around here could afford private school but choose not to as there is just no need with the school that we have round the corner. So despite having lots of private primaries around, most people in this catchment just don't use them.

It's a fortunate position to be in and I know it isn't the case for everyone, but it certainly does seem to be the case for Shergar and in her shoes, I don't think I'd fork out for private school either.

Sadly, oliveoil, not everyone has the option of "FREE good state round the corner".

And some of us just choose paying for education over having a new car or a holiday, furniture, new carpets, landscaping, a conservatory, moving to a new house or something else that someone in a similar income bracket might have/do.

And for those who are on a low income, they can ask about bursaries up to 100% at GDST schools if they have a bright girl, for example.

Another answer as clever competent women is for us to go forth and double our income so school fees are neither here nor there.

When I said "Anyway who wouldn't want their children educated with other children whose parents value education and are prepared and able to pay?" I can see the interesting comments on that below. Assuming the fees can be afforded as seems the case here so then the issue is whether for political reasons you want a child mixed in with all kinds of children from all kinds of homes which indeed you might. Morally that may be putting your own interests before the children though....

Just goes to show how good choice can be confusing too. Shergar - my opinion is that you need to find a way to sort out your feelings about the schools.

How about this exercise? Assume that whatever you choose will work out fine, which school would you pick? Or how about this one? Someone is holding a gun to your head? Decide now. This minute. Which school would it be?

Xenia - going to a state school doesn't necessarily mean you are mixing your child with children from all kinds of homes.

At ds's school the vast majority of children come from the surrounding roads where the homes are all very similar, parents are all fairly affluent and have jobs like GP, paediatrician, solicitors, accountants ().

If that's what you want, you don't have to go to a private school to get it.

agree with gobbledigook . school in our area are mainly full of children from very middleclass families. it the individual school that is important, there are good and bad in both sectors. but xenia, wanting your child to mix with children of all differant backgrounds is not a political choice, the world isnt just made up of one type of person and isnt it important for children to understand this and to get used to mixing with lots of differant types of people. isnt this how tolerance through understanding comes about. poor kids arent necessarily bad kids you know!

I know. I'm glad they've mixed at least out of school with all kinds of children or a reasonably broad spread in out of school activities and in our special area of NW London the private schools give you the huge religious and racial mixing which you don't get in the state system but I'm sure that's unique to an area where Asian families choose to pay fees wherever possible.

If I could afford private I would send my children because of the advantages it can give then but then again if I had a good school near by I would use that and save the expense of private until secondary school age.

Everytime I see this thread I think I change my mind about the options!

What planet are you on, Xenia?

Go forth and double my income - what, to earn 2 peanuts instead of one? And how? And who said I was clever or competent?

School fees will tend to rise with the need to make private schools unavailable to the majority. It's called exclusivity.

And as for moral considerations not being in one's child's best interests, oh please. Wrong on so many levels.

Surely the one the biggest impacts on fees rising is the rise in the pay of teachers in the state sector, including their very generous pension provision. You make it sound like they are just out to there to make money, which I do not believe is true, yes they are a business but perhaps this is what makes them attractive to many parents i.e. they adapt and change to meet the requirements of the market.

Education is crammed with new initiatives from the govt every five minutes in the state sector. Both state and private sector are accountable to all sorts of stakeholders, and I hope that private schools are not just in it for the money because that would hardly justify their Charitable Status, would it?

Hang on cat64 it depends on the private school. Where I work we don't go for formal teaching but child centered learning. We closely follow the what happens in state schools but aren't tied to it. We are very well resourced. Generally if I say I need something I get it. 3/4 of our classrooms have interactive WBs in. We have good computer resources (better than my mother head in state school).

i really agree with this cat64 every parent wants something differant for a school, be it private or state, so trying to find a school which does things in a way that you want your child to be taught is the most important thing. all schools put emphasis on differant things some are very child centered , and some are result orientated, so you need to have in mind what you want from a school before you make a choice

Thanks again, everyone! We are still trying to find a childminder who could collect child from School #1 - if we can get one we will probably just go for School #1.

For people who've suggested it, we did look around both schools a while back, and School #2 is (of course) much more impressive in terms of facilities, the sheer scale of landscaped grounds and playground equipment, with a nice family feel to it. School #1 was nice enough, but quite small and not as well maintained (in fairness to the school it is now a listed building so there isn't all that much they can usefully do to it), and classes did look much larger having seen School #2.

(BTW, I honestly don't have any strong feelings in the state v. private debate, and was state educated myself until age 16, then in a very academic independent school for A-Levels [and have done very well academically myself]).

On the other side, I have never found the parents at School #2 to be very friendly - we have made one parental friend with the mother of a child who our DD is very close to, but apart from that they are really quite a clique which I haven't breached yet. But I don't want that feeling to stand in the way of making the right decision for our DD's education, and I haven't met parents at School #1 yet, except for my neighbour.

And NKffffffffee0f7f95X1118efd8f2d (dear heavens, HOW do you remember that when you log in?!) I like your technique. If I assumed that everything would be fine with both then I would choose School #1. But if I had a gun to my head right now I would pick School #2. Which has just confused me more!!

Thanks again everyone; you've been marvellous. I will let you know our final decision in two weeks, promise.

Just wanted to update you that after much soul-searching we are going to send DD to School #1, the excellent local primary (state). DD is so happy with her friend, the neighbour's DD, and the ten-minute walk there along quiet roads is idyllic. So many people have said we'd be insane not to and she will love it. We have found a childminder who could pick her up on three days a week, and DH and I will juggle the other two ourselves.

Actually the thing that really decided me was talking to my great friend from our medical school days, who begged me to use the local state school for DD. The reason she had was that there were several people in our year at medical school who were prep and top public school educated, and completely lacking in the ability to talk to the hospital patients in our main teaching hospitals (in quite rough areas) - they really floundered (a couple dropped out), and it was such a shock to them when they arrived in the real world from an entirely sheltered background. I had completely forgotten about that and it really was food for thought. I think we will have to move out of the state system when DD is 11 (there are NO good state secondaries here at all) so it'll be nice to do half of her school days in the local school too.

Thanks for all your advice. It really helped us think it through.