please help me with my school dilemma

[shergar]

DH and I can't decide between two schools for our DD, who starts Reception in September. We currently have places reserved at both, and in the next two weeks will need to cancel one.

School #1 is the local state primary, which is 5 minutes walk away. It is lovely, and has its own swimming pool and little wood, and is Outstanding in all Ofsted categories with a great headmaster (however, pretty sure he'll retire soon). Our neighbour's DD, who our DD loves, is also starting there at the same time, and another neighbour's DD will go the year after too. After school care there (DH and I work full time) is a bit of an issue though - children are taken by bus to a childcare centre a mile away, and I feel quite worried about the logistics of it all. (Neighbour also works, and would use same childcare for after school).

School #2 is the local prep school, which is also lovely and set in a huge area of parkland, with brilliant facilities. DD has been at the nursery there and so knows it well, and we originally just intended to send her there as we didn't think we'd get a place at School #1. It's a 10 minute drive away (too far to walk, and across a dual carriageway). There are classes of ten though, and children can stay there doing various activities until 5.30pm, which I am more comfortable with as an after school care plan.

We can afford #2, though it won't be easy as there is a DS to follow in 2 years (Option #1 would definitely allow for more other things like exciting holidays, music lessons and home improvements!) and we just can't work out what to do for the best. Any advice or perspectives gratefully received, and I know that these are both good choices and we're lucky to have them.

really disagree with last posting . stats may be correct but the reason for higher levls of private educated children attending 'at the better universities' may have more to do with the elitist entry systems than with the actual academic suitability of state educated pupils. children at the state school i attended were very well spoken and all did extremely well (one of my class mates is prof of ancient philosophy at cambridge so he seemed to manage ok) success has at lot to do with the person not just the school they attend. and just becouse it is a state school does not mean that you have no say or involvement in what goes on. if you take the time to be involved most schools take the time to listen

Still 1 for me. Save the money for secondary school, if you feel that private education will equip your children better for university entrance. Wouldn't personally be worrying about Oxbridge admissions at this age.

Yes, poenmack, but by and large over-all (with exceptions of course) buying a private education does tend to help the children hugely over a lifetime. It's one of tbe best ways you can spend spare money which is why 47% of British parents in a recent survey would pay if they could.

No idea what the optimum class size for teaching/learning is but I know parents who have moved their children from schools where class sizes are about 10-12 to schools where they are slightly bigger (16-22) because either

• there was a large imbalance in sexes e.g. boys 3, girls 9

• there were too few children in the classes/year groups for the children to have chance to play good team sports (their opinion/experience)

Number 1 and a nanny share with neighbour if the after school club doesn't work out.

I've just read an interview in the paper with an 18 year old pianist who is in his 2nd year of university and has won the national concerto competition - went to state school. A good state school, but a state school, private music lessons.

With no money for fees you can fund their interests directly.

Actually I agree with SueW on class sizes. Parents get too hung up on them. In my children's very academic selective private junir schools a typical class size is 20 or over. All the children are clever; everyone works to the same standard and you have whole class teaching at the same level and everyone largely behaves themselves so I don't see a need for a smaller class. Might be different with a variety of children in the class and some needing a lot of attention, some with behavioural problems and learning difficulties and a wide range of academic ability though.

We chose a private school for ds2 because we needed really good before and after school care. I'm pleased we did as it has worked really well- he loves it, I don't have to decide until the day (afternoon) what time he's being picked up, (have to decide whether he's having tea in the morning). Holiday club is good and reliable.

For us, the afterschool care was really important, and I'm pleased we chose the one we did. (Ds2 moans if we pick him up early now )

option 1 - more variety and the childcare thing will be less of an issue very soon. USe the money you would save on all the extras as someone else mentioned.

disagree with xenia - but can't be bothered to go into it.

I can understand your dilemma, and there is one other thing you haven't considered with either, what will happen in the school holidays?? Private school hols are far longer than state school ones. You will be needing some sort of childcare in teh holidays. If theya re already going to an after school club these places often offer holiday cover too.

Personally I would possibly plump for No1, and start saving for secondary. That is what we are doing, although hopefully DD2 will get into teh grammer shcool and we will onl need to pay for DD1

Hvae you or your DH considered asking for flexible working hours? Would you consider a drop in income, so you could pick the children up from school yourself, if you are not paying for a private school?

mintchocchippyminton (love it!) - i agree, that's what I'd do (oh, sorry, that's what I've done).

I really don't think you will get an unbiased response. So many people on here are against private schools.

In your situation, I would think about your second child.

Think about whats best for you and your family.

I don't think it's about being 'against' private schools. She's got a state school on her doorstep, she can walk to it, with an outstanding Ofsted report and it's own swimming pool! It seems the only advantage to the private school is the after school provision and there are other ways to get around that issue.

I have an "outstanding" (OFSTED) state school right on our doorstep. We chose the private school for ds2 because a) we liked it, B) the outstanding school wouldn't let us have a look around c) the after school care at the private school was far more suitable for our circumstances.

Think you need to just go with what feel right, and your own individual circumstances.

No contest, definitely no. 1.

The childcare issue should be one you can resolve. Ask to actually visit the childcare centre and see what they do, how the bus service operates etc.

Even if that doesn't seem what you want, then look into childminders or other options. Ask the state school if they know of any local arrangements - our school lets childminders advertise on it's community noticeboard, and there is a thriving network of childminders taking children to/from school. Do you know any parents locally you could ask about this?

I don't like the idea of children staying on in a school environment, I think it's much better for them to be in a home environment so they can truly relax and feel away from school.

No. 1 sounds perfect in just about every way, you may find that the childcare issue really isn't a huge deal.

As far as I can see private schools give you about 1000 more advantages which last through the rest of your life than state schools so if you can afford one it is virtually always bar a few exceptional cases no contest. Obviously if the private school is hopeless for your kind of child then that's different. I also think though children should be treated the same and I would only have sent ours to private schools if we could afford for them all to go, not just one.

'As far as I can see private schools give you about 1000 more advantages.'

Totally disagree. There are plenty of people that could easily afford it that disagree as well. Me included.

So, bit of a sweeping statement that one.

The one thing in your OP that would concern me is that school number one's Head is due to retire soon. We have found from bitter experience that the Head makes or breaks the school and our local secondary has gone downhill fast in the 2 years since the fab old Head retired. You may be OK but even a school that is outstanding with the old Head can swiftly become a sink school with the wrong person in charge. just a thought.

Hello Shergar - I would look at the state school very carefully, and check that your DD will be given the support and individual attention that she needs there ... we are pulling our daughter out of the local state school, as it doesnt come near the two private schools we have used in the past. She's a middle achiever - and, in a large class with a huge mix of abilities, she is getting overlooked, isn't challenged, and is not flourishing as she should. I feel the teachers tick the boxes when she reaches a certain level (ie the level the government says you have to) and don't push or care that she does any better. I've had to spend the whole of the Easter holiday helping her catch up with work she has supposedly covered in class. If you have the money (different if you don't), I would seriously consider staying at the private school, especially if you are happy with it. That said, your local school does sound tempting (and hopefully is different to the one we have used) but then so did mine. I thought I was wasting money on the fees - I wasn't! All the best anyway

Xenia - you generalise in a worrying way about private schools. A lot of them are really bad - paying doesn't make them good!

Most of them are really good and hugely better than state schools. You only have to look at the children who emerge to see that never mind the academic side. It's why 47% of parents would pay if they could afford it and why 50% of those at Oxbridge etc come from private schools. It's one of the best things you can do for your children.

yeah, I've only had to meet some of the people that emerged from some private schools to know it doesn't always produce nice, well rounded individuals.

And who says everyone wants their children to go to Oxbridge?!

I disagree that a lot of private schools are bad - just another anti-private school thrown away comment IMO. Most are good to very good at least and many have to go through both OFSTED and ISC inspections, so the evidence is there to state so. In the same way there are many good to very good state schools, but saldly there are a large proportion of not good state schools - this is very obvious if you just scan a league table or OFSTED report or two.

This shouldn't be a private v state school debate. That is not what the question in the OP asks!

For me, I would not be happy with my 4yo being driven about for after school care, and we found out, as did friends, that there simply not enough childminders round here willing to take on part time school children.

DD's school isn't walking distance, but after school play dates are not an issue. The aprents all drive and collect children from houses afterwards, rather than school. DD has 2-3 play dates some weeks and it is never an issue! She has a wide social group of friends from inside and outside of school, so IMO living in walking distance from your school makes no difference regards number of friends anyway.

Even if at school further away this doesn't disclude you from using community activities as well - swimming, Brownies/Scouts, sporting teams, drama, dancing, etc. But having actiuvities provided at the schoola s well can be good too. Gives you more options, esp if you need after school care anyway.

For us after school care was a big factor in choosing DD's school. The school we chose has good provisions at the school with no messing about with transporting children around. Childminder was no an option available to us.

I prefer small class sizes. DD thrives better in a smaller group at present. As an (ex) teacher I do believe more teaching, and more importantly more learning) gets done in smaller class sizes.

But think this is a very personal choice for the OP, and only they know which of the options are best for them and their children.

I retract my number 1 actually. I think that you have to sit down and work out exactly what it is that you value most from your child's education and work it out from there. Taking into account such things as schools do change when the head leaves and how the private option would fit in with DS. Reading between the lines I think you sound happier at the idea of number 2.

I've never understood this thing about playing with friends so much but that might be we just had 5 children so too many friends would just get out of hand. I would never have expected them to play with friends during the school week for example.