says she's a failure

[gillybeanz]

My dd says she's a failure.
they showed them their reports at school yesterday, apparently she hasn't done very well in anything.
I am worried for her future, as she just doesn't seem to do better despite her word that she tries harder all the time.
She says she can't be as good as everyone wants her to be.

I won't see the report until next week so can't comment on effort grades, this will probably tell us much more.
In the meantime what can I say, I'm trying to boost her confidence but it isn't working.

Also, she has a long holiday starting on 3rd July, how much work is suitable during the summer holidays. Should she timetable subjects or just do a bit of everything during her free time.
She needs a holiday and I don't want it to look like a punishment for not doing well at school
She is currently y8.

She seems to be in a cycle of believing she is rubbish, so not trying for fear of failure, not doing well, then back to believing she is rubbish.
She is dyslexic, off the scale gifted, but not academically.

Tia.

If she enjoys German and French then perhaps it could be worth keeping up over the holidays in the form of television programs? Then it'd be fun and it might help her come to a decision between them too. Even if she doesn't continue with both, it would a shame to let the knowledge she has fade with time.

There's a French version of the bake off which is really good, you can get several series though the 6play app. www.6play.fr/le-meilleur-patissier-p_1807

I used to watch a German TV program when I was in school, I can't remember the name of it and it was so long ago it's probably not still going but there's some German programs listed here.. www.bbc.co.uk/languages/german/dplus/

Gilly She may want three languages but she doesn't need them. It's not a language degree she's aiming for is it? Yes, i know it would be really useful for singing but it's one of those lessons that we all have to learn - you can't have everything that you want.

If she can hit average or just below average I would have thought she'll be fine. Depending on where she wants to go at 18 she could get by with one or two A levels. To get on to the A level courses school may have their own entry requirements which may or may not included passes in english and maths. Do they ask for passes in German, French or Spanish? It's handy that she has her career mapped out because it means that she can see what it is that she needs to have at each stage rather that what she thinks she ought to have.

The languages are the icing on the cake, it would be nice but not if it jeopardises her english. I just feel that you are going to be spending the next three years hearing how she could be doing better at X Y and Z if it wasn't for the time on the extra languages. They will still be there to study later on.

That's a fair point, the English and Maths need quite a lot of extra work as it is.

Last night I ordered some Radio 4 plays on cd and a couple of audiobooks. Last week she asked me for a dictionary so I got one of these too.

I think if she wants to do the languages it will have to be in her free time, not that I'll suggest that as they need their downtime.
Speaking to her again she's still adamant she can do it and really wants to. For the foreseeable future I'll encourage maths and English first.

Just hoping for more advice if anyone is around.

The exam results were pretty poor, less than 20% in some subjects.
She says she is starting work tomorrow to catch up.
I really don't know what I can do to help?
She is determined to go it alone and if I get involved she'll not be happy.
I have to keep out of it, even though she knows I can really help out with strategies and how to learn techniques. Not to mention a list as long as my arm for resources.

So, what if anything would you insist upon before butting out?
Also, what would you say to "I'm going to get 100% in my next exams?

I think H&S, correct seating position, regular breaks, plenty of fluid.
letting her know we are there if she needs us.
Can I do anything else, it's heart breaking seeing her so down about her school work.

I would do nothing at all for a week or two and see what she actually does. Maybe by then she'll have run out of steam and be more open to suggestions.

No-one knows your daughter like you do, the way forward depends very much on how much effort she's been putting in in the past. If she's given it all she has and fallen short then that is different from a half hearted approach because she didn't see the point of trying. I think you do need to be having a meeting with school about the way forward because unless this is an improvement on previous results I would say that the extra measures they have in place to support her aren't enough.

Does she get extra time in exams?

It is tough. At the least over the next few days you will see how long her good intentions last for and whether she is capable of the sustained effort. I agree with Icoulbeknitting that she may be more ready to be helped in a week or so. She must be tired from her school term.

My DD2 is finishing y7 and has SpLD. Over the summer we will be focussing on English, Maths and 'Point Evidence Explain'.

My DD1 has dyspraxia and could work very hard to no effect on her own, but could work hard with good effect if 1-1 with me.

Watching DVDs of known films in different languages can be helpful. Go through your collection and see whether you have any in the target MFLs.

I don't know how you can get her to let you help her. My DD2 has finally let me help this year because she has realised that if I help her at home she needs less help in school (and does better in tests).

How's things gillybeanz?

For "I'm going to get 100% in my next exams?" I'd be inclined to say "then you'll have done better than me!" and leave it to sink in but hopefully she's past that stage now.

Dd2 struggled at school. Gifted musically, but dyslexic so had poor results in subjects which required a lot of higher order language skills and processing. She used to come home saying she was thick and stupid.
Two weeks ago she graduated with first class honours in Criminology and Philosophy.
She learned ways of studying which worked for her. Lots of mind maps for example, and became very familiar with the dictionary and the thesaurus. Your dd will get there!