Help with boarding schools - how do I choose?

[PinkPaeonies]

Hello MN - longtime lurker here. But still clueless...

How would you choose a boarding school for a girl who is quite bright - but we don't actually know bright as she is lazy and can be uncooperative at times because she is immature. She is extremely sociable but at the same time lacks self esteem. I want her to be happy but at the same time she needs to be stretched and encouraged. I don't want her slipping under the radar. She excels at music - am told she "should be top" in maths and English but doesn't try hard enough and consequently lags behind. So far I've looked at Sherborne Girls, Uppingham, Oundle, Bryanston and Rugby. But I have no idea how to gauge the right school for her.

Grateful for any advice.

I agree with HG, there are few schools which are now full boarding and whilst it seems quite harsh for them not to be allowed out for eg Grandpa's 80th, if they did the school would soon be in chaos with kids coming & going all the time. Whilst the rules are strict in some of the leading schools, the children have stability and continuity, they know where they stand. For us living 9hrs away it would be awful if DCs friends were 'popping home' on a Sat night and he was left in house. I much prefer the fixed exeats rather than these floating options, so much easier.

Oundle is academically tougher to get into than Rugby and IMO takes more self belief to do well in.
Summer do you have experience of children going to Oundle? IME this is not the case but a popular myth banded arounded MN. In any school there will always be high achievers and those who struggle, Oundle is no different but the support network for both types of children is outstanding.

My bright but not well motivated brother did very well at the Leys in Cambridge if you want another one to add to the list. Cambridge is a lovely city and very easy to get to from London by train.

GinGarden I am not sure what you are disagreeing with.
Oundle has higher academic entry standards than Rugby and therefore it is harder to shine there. IMO that takes more self belief. That does n't mean that Oundle won't do a good job supporting the strugglers (after all they as all academic schools want to tighten up the lower end exam results) but Pink's DD is very unlikely to be in that category. She might however let herself drift to the middle and through lack of self esteem not stretch herself and pass under the academic radar.
My DCs do know students from Oundle and they have really enjoyed it but these shone in their school life.
I think although only a guess, that Pink's DD would thrive more by being at scholarship level set in a school where she can achieve this at entry without undue pressure. Whether that is Oundle or Rugby or Marlborough or St Edwards Pink and the her DD's school can best judge.

Hi all. I don't want to disclose too much detail about DD - but she is boarding currently, loves it and wants to continue.

Sherborne Girls was very naice - I liked the links with the boys School and the position near the town, facilities etc. Lots of keen, happy, hardworking girls, but it just seemed to lack something which I can't describe. Perhaps it just seemed a bit too sedate compared to DD's prep where the DC seem more excited and curious.

Not discounting it, but hoping the other schools might offer something more.

Thanks for the info re Bryanston - what I like about it is that it appears to cater well for arty quirky types - but the boarding set up lets it down.

Thanks for all your comments - lots to think about.

PP xx

Mine was awful and marred me for life ☹️

SendSummer I have pm'd you as I dont want to hijack OPs post.

OldGranny - I'm sorry to hear that - it doesn't suit everyone. DS was horrified at the thought of boarding - I think it would have suited him, personally, but in no way would I ever force my DC to do something because it was what I wanted. So he was very happy as a day boy. DD, by contrast, has said she wants to "board forever!" - I try not to take it personally!!

Pink I relate to what you say about a palpable sense of excitement and curiousity in DCs and school. We had the same for prep school so that we and the DC who wanted to board were drawn to a very selective boarding school rather than some other excellent reputation boarding schools because of the same impressions on visiting as you. No regrets at all.

Oldgranny I do hope the clue is in your username?!

Schools can't afford to be awful nowadays. Far too much scrutiny and a decreasing number of potential parents.

There is little difference between flexi boarding fees and full boarding fees. The key to value for money is that your child participates. Mine did as much as they possibly could so I felt I had value for money. Full boarding can mean sitting around in the boarding houses doing very little or just walking into town. The child is at school but is just chilling out. Don't expect full on activities every day and the less motivated child can do very little.

To keep schools as viable businesses, many schools do have local parents and the children and parents want to see each other. That is a business model that has to be adopted. Not everyone will accept their child being 9 hours from home. Most don't want more than 2 hours and plenty want a quick whizz up the motorway from London or a school near their weekend home in the country.

I don't think the amount of time at school is the main consideration: it is the quality they get when they are there! Also the willingness of your child to join in.

I agree time spent in school is not the main consideration but a proper full boarding only school has a different feel to it compared with a weekly/flexi/day/full boarding school (I know I've worked in both). Neither is superior but they are different and the superior one is the one which you personally want.

I found the Good School's Guide really helpful as was moving to a new area and didn't have local friends at that time who could give me advice as to the 'temperament' of the school and how it would fit my dd. The guide does tell you this and I found it's description of the character of the place and the type of girl it suited really accurate when I visited in person (my dd ended up going to Westonbirt) and this way of going through and being able to weed out some schools, book mark others, saved me a lot of time!! :-)

For what it's worth, I've a daughter in her first year at Cheltenham College and they seem to be doing a great job with her so far. She'd been boarding at prep and we looked at both boarding and day options; academically she could have gone to somewhere like Wycombe Abbey but when we visited we all felt it wasn't a "fit" for her, though I couldn't give you any specific reasons. I wondered if she would benefit from being in a strongly academic school where she would have shared interests and potentially be challenged; yet it appears she is more comfortable where academic achievement is being valued alongside other things maybe? She felt more comfortable with the co-ed environment and I like to think that co-ed boarding gives you a bit of the best of both worlds given that significant amounts of time are in the single-sex environment of your boarding house.

As regards "full" boarding, CC seem to have a non-trivial number of overseas students, but are quite flexible so the numbers on weekends seem to fluctuate, not that my daughter tells me all that much. Certainly she has some friends who live in or near London I think.
Oh, you might find it helpful to know that CC do a 24 hour visit day for prospective students towards the end of year 7.

I absolutely agree you will need to visit a number of schools, and get your own and your daughter's feeling about them. Good luck with the process!

Someone upthread commented on the fact that you can like a head and then they move - my daughter was gutted that for the 3rd time she has gone to a school and the head promptly moves a year later ... we're crossing our fingers! [funny that thought - we're still finalising where her younger brother will go, but he started in a school with a newish head and our current short-list all have fairly new heads too! so less likely to have the "head-moving-problem"]

My child is at Rugby, in what is fairly unanimously decreed the best house for their sex.
At Rugby, they all eat in house, and I LOVE that. While not a deal breaker, it is so much preferred to canteen style dining.
I have lived in many boarding schools (St Edwards for one!) and the noise and the manner of eating is so different there.
I love that my child has to eat properly, in house, can't leave until the end of the meal (so has learnt to eat slowly and converse!), and has frequent guests to (have to) talk to.
I also like a proper house system and full boarding.

PS As a spouse of a Head, it's never an easy option to move on 😔 I feel for those parents who signed up in the past because they liked us. And then governors decide (because they are almost universally stupid!) to appoint someone different.

New thread on Talk - The Staffroom about Common Entrance if anyone watching this related private education thread is interested.

did you check Queenswood? www.queenswood.org