Calling all teachers..... how do i say no

[inthegutter]

to well-meaning but misguided mothers who are desperate to help out in the classroom? I DON'T mean those volunteers who are absolute amazing, who you can rely on to do what needs doing, to not gossip outside the school etc. I mean the ones whose kids are all in school, who've got too much time on their hands, who have a little bit of knowledge (dangerous, that one!) and think they'll be doing you an enormous favour by helping out in class/with the school production/accompanying school trips etc. I have to admit, the background to this is that I've had one or two bad experiences - in particular with a mum who came in to listen to children read and then talked outside the school to other parents about which child was where on the reading scheme. I've currently got another mum who is angling to get in on helping with our summer term production. She keeps telling me she's worked as a costume designer and has also done a bit of choreography. Well maybe, but I also know she's a pain in the arse - if her kids don't get lead roles there'll be hell to pay etc. Has anyone discovered a foolproof way of dealing with this??

The only way to deal with this in my opinion is to get them completely on your side.

I think you need to give them the benefit of the doubt if things haven't worked well in the past and be absolutely clear with them as to their role and responsibilities re. confidentiality.

To be honest, I would bite the hand off anyone who offered to come and help in the classroom. I think that education can only be improved by better relationships with parents, so it's up to us as professionals to make sure that it works.

Sorry if that's not what you wanted to hear, but I really do think that you need to bite the bullet and get them involved in as many positive ways as possible.

I know that you probably want help in your classroom, but could they help out in a class that their child isn't in? You might be able to get support from other childrens parents without the fear that they are there just to keep an eye on their own child.

Thats how its meant to work in my DCs school, apart from on trips when parents attend with their own child when additional help is required.

I want to take the higher moral ground with littlefish but aaaagh, I hate having parents in my classroom, I AM a mum in the playground and I know how gossipy they can be and I wouldn't want comments on my teaching from someone who only saw 1/2 hr a week being bandied around.

Don't you need to have a CRB check to be able to go and work with other people's children. That's the reason the pre-school my ds went to gave anyone wanting to help out.

My DCs school hand out the CRB forms to anyone interested in helping out. Many don't want the check carried out on them, so they are turned away from helping out.

I think there's a lot to be said for keeping parents at a distance sometimes. My mother who taught for years said she would not even have liked a classroom assistant in her class. She liked the privacy, control and just her there.

I like the way my children's school manages to keep parents out. Private schools don't even have PTAs which stops parental interference too although they do have fund raising parents' bodies. I think schools can be better run if you keep parents out to some extent, and I say that as a parent, not a teacher. Actualy as a parent I don't want some other random parent being in class with my children.

I have just started to help out in my dd's class and I'm really worried about being seen as a busy body, interfering parent. I did mention it to the teacher and said if she needed help to ask me and just left it at that, about 2 months later she asked me and since then I have gone in one afternoon most weeks. I try to spend equal time with all the children and to be honest probably end up spending more time with the other kids than my dd. I do enjoy it, so much so am considering re-training as a teachers assistant in a few years time.

I'm really worried now that everybody sees me as pushing in where not wanted. I really want to offer valuable help, what is the general feeling of teachers about parents that help out.

Interesting to hear your views. Yes, parents have to have CRB checks, and you're right, that can hold them off for a while. I don't think this is about not having good relationships with parents. I value that highly, and spend a lot of time listening to parents and talking to them. But I'm coming more and more round to the view that the old style mum 'helpers' just don't have a role in the way they used to. Loads of reasons why - education has changed beyond recognition, data protection issues etc. Also, I feel a lot of these mums, if they have time on their hands, are better getting a job and being paid. And before anyone rants about that, I DON'T mean in a 'get off your backside and get a job'way. I just think it's important for people to establish themselves in their own arena.

Interesting to hear your views. Yes, parents have to have CRB checks, and you're right, that can hold them off for a while. I don't think this is about not having good relationships with parents. I value that highly, and spend a lot of time listening to parents and talking to them. But I'm coming more and more round to the view that the old style mum 'helpers' just don't have a role in the way they used to. Loads of reasons why - education has changed beyond recognition, data protection issues etc. Also, I feel a lot of these mums, if they have time on their hands, are better getting a job and being paid. And before anyone rants about that, I DON'T mean in a 'get off your backside and get a job'way. I just think it's important for people to establish themselves in their own arena.

jenkel, you were asked in which is completely different. I think it should be down to the original teacher. My mother I think liked the privacy of the classroom, just her and her children to establish her relationships with them and having someone else in the room didn't suit her. Not all teachers will feel the same.

I used to help in my DS class . 20 mins reading in his class every morning . I asked not to be given his table for reading . And then 1 or 2 days a week in the classroom of year 3. I didnt want to be in my sons class (ok I did really ) but its his school not mine . Could your school make a policy that parents are not allowed to help in their own childs class.

I help in my dd's class once a week for an hour to listen to the kids read or sometimes help with topic work. I also do lunch duty every day in the same class so I know the kids really well. The teacher asked for volunteers with reading and spelling and about 6 parents help weekly in class. In her own lovely yet quite firm way, she makes the parents know exactly what she would like them to do and gives very clear guidlines about any activity, but then she is a fabulous, super-organised teacher.

I have noticed lots of fellow mums going into the classroom to 'help'. They mean well, but..sometimes there's a bit of deep sighing about either the teacher or children. I don't know what they expected.

There are also quite a few threads about helping in classrooms. It seems often to be considered a poor show if you don't go in and help.

The trouble is it's one of those jobs that people think is easier than it is. It's not like being a glorified mum though is it?

It's starting to feel like I should take a turn, but I don't want to. The reason for this is that I'm not a teacher.

I went on a school outing the other day because the teacher put up a sign asking for help. I'd do some admin or cutting up if required, and school trips of course, but I have no desire to help in the classroom.

I take my hat off to you all. It must be murder trying to control over-keen mums who think they can teach and teach the children too. What on earth do you do if you have to tell one of the children off and his mum is standing there? Extra pressure.

I also think it throws the classroom dynamic out of the window if little Freddie's mum is there. She is obviously going to be more interested in him and he could find it unsettling too.

My dd went into meltdown on the school trip when she realised I wasn't there just for her. She'd been absolutely fine about school until then and I was there.

When I go in, I normally sit in a back room and do sticking, cutting up, preparing things for a project etc while they have a lesson and then just play with them (its a reception class) while the teacher listens to individuals read. Or help out when they are doing something a bit more creative and she needs a few more hands to assist the kids.

I love helping in the classroom when work allows although sometimes it is quite challenging. Running a successful reading group is easier said than done imo! Teachers have always made me very welcome and I have only ever thought more of them for seeing them in action.

I felt annoyed once when a TA made me sit alone in the classroom filing stuff for her whilst she spent time outside with the kids on a science project (I love science and have a degree in it, not that she would have been aware of that!). I felt I hadn't volunteered to be a free filing clerk. My mother thought I was unreasonable not to be happy with this task but to be honest I still don't think it was what I volunteered to do as I wanted contact with the children! I would be interested in a teacher's POV though

Tiny, yet another advantage of being a working mother is they know you won't be able to go in and help.... so I wouldn't be asked to help on the school trips (they don't allow parents in classrooms in that school).

Aaaaah, school trips! If you want to know who the 'difficult' children are in the class, have a look who the teacher or the paid TA have

It always interests me how many mums, both here on MN and in the playground are such experts on what goes on in the classroom! How do you know these things unless you're either the teacher, a paid TA or in there as a volunteer mum most of the time and have an accurate handle on the dynamic of a class? It really struck me this year as my DS2 is in yr 1 and has the same teacher as DS1 had 2 years ago, and, surprisingly, amongst the 11 boys in DS2's class, he's the ONLY one with an older brother. Now, I watched via the results, the miracles this particular teacher wrought over year one with quite a difficult bunch of the the less mature kids in DS1's year group (ie 2 years ago).So now I'm actively leaping to the teacher's defence as I hear the twaddle these current mums preach! Their impressions are virtually all based on hearsay or the muddled up overheard ramblings of a tired 5 year old. BUT I do find those mums who help often and consistently, by and large (and thus see The Big Picture) have a far more balanced view of what's Really Going On. BUT, tbf, some of these mums DO let the cat out of the bag about who's doing well, who's badly behaved etc!

I don't help in school (I'm on the PTA, that's my contribution!) but if I did, I think I'd rather be cleaning up the papier mache and washing paint pots. I don't think I could handle other people's kids and the temptation to 'do it my way' would be too great!

Our school has a very strict helping policy: you fill in a form to volunteer your services and suggest what you might do and when. This is then centrally co-ordinated and you are told what and when you are doing it, and it will not be in a class where you have a child.

I enjoyed listening to readers at school before I was working full time, and it did give me a bit of an insight into school life.

that policy sounds spot on roisin. i have experienced issues lately with some parent helpers basically gossiping about the kids in the class, outside of school...it's so unprofessional to have parents in the same classes as their children. I am dismayed it goes on in our school and as I say ds has only been there for one and a bit terms, and we've already experienced problems.

I totally agree with the person who advised the use of the word confidentiality. The teacher should be the only one who has direct link to discussing pupils in their class with parents. If parent helpers (who are awesome)are gossiping about other children they are working with in a classroom or on a school trip with other parents the teacher should be informed. Parents discuss other pupils in their childs class as they want the best for the child, however if they are working with the child directly, concerns should be taken to the teacher not to parents. I would be mortified if adults working with my child was putting him down or telling others his progress...plus this is not a very good example on how to behave.

danceswithaSPRINGinherstep I am a TA and can assure you the children I work with do not have behavour probs...and so what if they did. What an appauling thing to say.

to original question, can't you just say no thanks. you don't hafe to explain.. she offered, you dont want or need her help, say no.