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Original poster

PLEASE HELP ME - I need some urgent advice

86 replies

harman · 13/03/2007 18:29

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foxybrown · 14/03/2007 16:31

I have no advice to give, but wanted to say how shocked I am by the schools attitude towards you and towards the bullying. It is appalling!

Good luck with it, you are absolutely in the right dealing with this, despite what the teacher and head thinks.

jhyesmum · 14/03/2007 16:55

Oh Harman this is awful.

my DS is the same age. We moved his school because he was being bullied by teachers believe it or not.

However, that's by the by.

When my DS has had problems with two particular boys, we went to speak to his teacher exactly the same as you have and it has now been sorted.

The teacher's and the head's attitude stinks. They are trying to turn it around on you and your ex. I would demand to see the school governers, if not go to the education service and complain.

Your DS is in the care of the school when they are there, so they are resposible for their well being. If it was the other way around, they would soon be on your back about it so fight as hard as you can!

Good luck! You have my full support!

DominiConnor · 14/03/2007 16:58

Take pictures and record the conversations with the teacher. Then ring up your local newspaper.
They will love you, and the school will change it's views pretty quickly.
The school needs a good kicking. I simply can't believe this is just one case, you may be helping other kids.

slug · 14/03/2007 17:03

The term to use is 'Duty of Care'i.e. it is their duty to ensure your child(ren) can continue their schooling free of harassment. By failing to stop the bullying they are failing in their duty of care. It's a fab phrase, gets education knickers in a twist every time.

desparatemum · 14/03/2007 17:22

I've not got much to add except to say that you are being a brilliant Mum and doing everything you can. Keep strong and calm and it will get sorted.

My DS (6) came home with a split lip and a nosebleed from 2 separate "accidents" in one day last week. I know who caused the "accidents" and if it happens again I will be at the school quicker than you like!

Original poster
harman · 14/03/2007 17:38

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jhyesmum · 14/03/2007 17:41

You're a worried mum Harman, don't worry about going on, it's soooooo natural.

If it helps, when we changed DS's school, we sent him to a smaller village school and he has flourished.

Stick to your guns!!

Freckle · 14/03/2007 17:46

Is the school doing anything for RND on Friday? If so, it might be nice for the children to attend on that day.

Have you taken ds to the GP about the stress so that that is documented?

Write a nice calm letter to the head detailing today's contacts and agreement to a meeting (although why it has to wait until next week I can't understand - particularly when you may be threatening to withdraw your children). Can you contact the school by email?

I would send an email if you can as it is instant - but still classed as a written communication which must receive a reply. Send a copy to the chair of the board of governors.

Nice that exp is backing you for once.

Freckle · 14/03/2007 17:47

Oh and ask for a copy of their anti-bullying policy. All schools have to have one and parents are entitled to a copy if they request one.

That way you can see whether they are following their own policy.

Original poster
harman · 15/03/2007 06:20

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Freckle · 15/03/2007 06:26

Deep breaths. It's a horrible feeling when you have to go into battle for your children, but hold on to the thought of how happy your little ds will be when you put an end to all his misery at school, whether that's by sorting it at the school or moving him to another one.

What you put in the letter is up to you. I would catalogue what has happened (use the threads here) and how contact with the teacher and the head has progressed - and how it has left you feeling. Copy the letter to the chair of the board of governors. I would state in the letter that, unless this matter is resolved to your satisfaction and you can trust the school to protect your son, you will be removing both children.

As I said, I'm happy to give you an objective view once you've drafted it.

ChocolateTeapot · 15/03/2007 07:19

Oh Harman, I am sorry you are all going through this . I remember from another thread you said about the problems your DS is having at school and I thought from what you said at the time that the school sounded really unsupportive. Whatever happens I guess you need to go ahead and carry on with the letter writing to make the school see how serious this is but I think that looking for somewhere else is a really good idea, somewhere much more nuturing who will make an effort to understand your DS and help him build his self confidence rather than crush it as seems this school is doing at the moment.

serenity · 15/03/2007 09:29

oh harman sorry you're feeling so down.

Original poster
harman · 15/03/2007 12:28

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Freckle · 15/03/2007 14:26

OK. Who has to deal with the school on a daily basis? Exp? No. You do. It's important that you feel comfortable with the school as much as the children. You have a relationship with the staff. Exp doesn't have to and probably won't.

Why should you have to front it out at the school??? They should be running round like blue-arsed flies trying to sort out the situation, not treating you like an enemy.

DD2 is saying no simply because she can. She's probably picked up on the fact that you are mainly doing this because of DS and she's asserting her power. You said that she gets bullied too, so perhaps you could work on this with her. She could always change her haircut!

Go with what you think is best for you and the children. Exp doesn't have to be involved and, up until now, hasn't been so I don't think he's in any sort of position to start dictating what should happen.

Original poster
harman · 15/03/2007 15:22

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Freckle · 15/03/2007 16:25

Fine. I'll look out for it.

jhyesmum · 15/03/2007 17:10

Harman - when we changed DS school, we were worried whether we made the right decision. However, deep down we knew we couldn't send DS back there.

DS now loves school and is catching up with his work and is a totally different child.

Go with your gut instinct. If you think deep down it right, go for it.

fingers crossed for you because exp isn't really helping the situation is he?

cat64 · 16/03/2007 00:17

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Freckle · 16/03/2007 17:38

Any update, harman?

Original poster
harman · 16/03/2007 22:27

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Freckle · 17/03/2007 07:47

Have you thought about taking ds to see a homeopath? They take a holistic approach and may well be able to suggest something which would help. Possibly more helpful than a GP suggesting some remedies.

Don't worry about ds lashing out. He's upset and is aware of the tension around him. He probably sees that you are upset and blames himself so lashes out.

Glad that DD2 has changed her mind about the other school. Which school is it, if you don't mind saying?

Don't forget to take care of yourself in all this. We rush around trying to protect our children and often forget that it takes a lot out of us. The emotional strain can have a knock-on effect on your health. Let me know if you want to meet for a coffee and a chat.

Judy1234 · 17/03/2007 08:27

And no reason for the two children to go to the same school except parental convenience. Ours went to different schools.
Anyway sounds like you have had an awful time with that teacher.
My parents gave us all judo lessons by the way. That kind of thing can really help children's confidence particularly in the play ground!

Original poster
harman · 17/03/2007 11:05

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Judy1234 · 17/03/2007 11:10

Oh I see. I hadn't followed that part. Anyway it sounds as if she wants to move too. I am sure it will be fine.

There are a few children in my sons' school who are a bit different from the others and it's been interesting watching how they are treated by the other children. 5 - 7 there seems to be more acceptance. Then at 7 + the children seem to get more group aware, less accepting, more herd like group of boys, not that I've heard anyone has been bullied but they seem to develop less tolerance for difference sometimes, become aware of what they regard as normal. They have a quiet area at school with benches.