Dreamer of dreams,born out of my due time, Why should I strive to set the crooked straight. Wm Morris

[indignatio]

Hopefully the link from the other thread will work

My stats

ds is 4.5 - summer born
In reception class

Has issues with:-
Easy distractability (school work and practical tasks)
Concentration problems when not totally engaged by something (95% of the time)
Fidgeting
Getting "lost" in the middle of a complicated sentence/explaination.
Bossy manner
Isolation at school
Poor eye contact
Repetition of sentences until he hears the acknowledgement
No herding instinct

On the positive
Very loving boy
Exceptional reader for his age
Good at maths
Lots of "home" friends
If gripped by something, can concentrate on it for ages

dx:
teacher initially thought he might have dyspraxia - no longer thinks so.
I consider that he has more add traits, but would not go so far as to say he has add.
SENCO to informally assess him next week and then meeting to be arranged with parents, teacher and senco shortly thereafter.

Not sure what else I should put in.

Hi Sphil (are we the only 2 on here these days? )
Sympathise with you. I am sure other boys at school are giving DS odd looks. However, I am could be overly neurotic about it. I'd love to be a fly on the wall but there again I'd probably be in agony if I saw what really went on.
Again, your DS sound's so like mine! When mine gets really excited he does this little running/hopping thing on the spot. I think it's sweet but I also wonder if I should tame him ... Sorry, no advice other than we have 'little chats' before school and before bed and that sometimes helps.

No you're not alone, I'm here too (some of the time, when I can't resist)

I do wish I'd had in-same-boat-ers like you when ds was the same age your boys are, as he was so like yours - he's just 8 now, so things are different & I feel I can't quite contribute in the same way ... anyway

sphil, would your ds share that "invisible enemies" game if another child wanted to join in? My ds has always been really OK at sharing his imaginative games - possibly consequence of having dd always wanting to be part of everything? - so if he finds a child on his wavelength (there aren't masses, but there are a few, definitely) then things go rather well. Eg - he hitched up with a boy (complete stranger) in an adventure playground at the weekend, and the two of them raced about for more than an hour dodging monsters and shouting about lava and locating aliens. Another boy joined in too, it was completely sweet to watch their absorption and mutual understanding. Then they all went off home separately, having not the slightest idea of each other's names & ages (as those are irrelevant on Planet Pretend). I think he wouldn't quite have had the confidence, or the language, to do that at 5 or 6, though - so there's that to look forward to?

Thanks Castles - it's definitely reassuring to be in the same boat!
Bink - I love your posts and it's partly because you ARE one stage further on. You can look back with the wisdom of hindsight as well as giving me hope for the future! Your description of DS in the adventure playground reminded me so much of DS1 - lava and aliens play a major part in his Planet Pretend and he would definitely hook up with another like-minded child if one appeared in that situation. He's much more socially adept out of school for some reason. I think at school the sight of a large group of boys all chasing each other is quite daunting for him, not surprisingly. He likes those sorts of games but is very cautious about joining in - always has been, since he was tiny. He has made a couple of friends at his new school - both girls - and has talked about playing 'treasure' with them at break time. Which I guess isn't bad in less than a week! But he seems very confused about their names (and even their faces, when I ask him to point them out to me). This is despite telling me yesterday that he loved one of them! (but is 'disguising' his feelings so that she doesn't find out)

Hi all
I'm still here, but haven't really had anything to add until now.

I have spent a lot of the easter hols watching ds (shall apply for a phd in psychology of my son - it is my specialist subject !) and have concluded:

1.He does not like big groups away from home. We were at an outside party in a forest, and despite being with friends he has known since birth, he spent a lot of time playing on his own. I asked him about this and he said "but Mummy, I'm happy playing on my own".

2.He likes his own company

3.He is well liked at school by his peers (with a couple of exceptions) but does not chose to join in with the others often.

4.He spends a long time calculating risk in a given situation. The other day, we spent several hours at a friend's house (where he hasn't been for a number of months) and he refused to join in until the last half hour. He then didn't want to leave !!

5.His distractability could get him into trouble. We spent a lot of the holiday riding bikes and swimming. As he is a good reader, he kept pointing out what was said on the signs by the footpaths and around the swimming pool - despite the fact that this meant the bike careering off in the direction he was looking - not the direction he was supposed to be going - and despite the fact that he was out of his depth and can't swim.

It is so interesting reading others' posts - Sphil I do know what you mean about not quite getting the social nuances correct. Is this not an age thing anyway ?

I am around too but have been away, so apologies for not reading all the thread.

To be honest, we had a very positive parent teacher meeting before the holidays with DS1's teacher. He is performing well above age level for reading and comprehending (4a half way through Y4), and also was graded at 4c for maths, which is a whole level progress since the end of Y3. So nothing incredible, but not worrying at all. The thing that is now lagging behind is his writing, but even that is slightly above average.

I came out of the session thinking I couldn't really post on here because his teacher didn't seem worried, and I felt a bit of an interloper. Yes, he is distractible and messy, but "we should celebrate his enthusiasm and imagination", admire his "amazing factual recall" (!) and accept that he is "incredibly intelligent". OK, so why does he still put random capital letters in the middle of sentences?

He is still a boy who would be happy with lava and aliens, and in fact both DSs are currently playing with a 'make your own Superhero' kit we found in the States. I think he is still socially immature too and he is extremely volatile. DS2 is much more phlegmatic (but like your son, Indignatio, is given to walking into things etc when reading signs). DS1 is desperately keen to be at the centre of social interaction and I don't worry at all about his expressive language or ability to form friendships, though I think his immaturity and mood swings might cause problems when maintaining them.

I'm glad things have started off well at the new school, Sphil.

Sorry that is so long and all about DS1 and why I haven't posted. But is it OK if I still check in?

I havbe been checking in too but nothing new to add. Dreaded school starting after easter and today was told unofficially that there are going to be one composite class of y2 and yr3 next year which i am not happy about. Instead of having 2 classes in Yr2 and 2 in yr3 they are going to have 3 classes in total , presumably with one of those being a composite class and i believe they wont be streaming the classes.I chose that particular school because of small class size but unfortunately they even turned out bigger than I thought in Reception and yr 1 because of the schools good reputation and the fact that a couple of other local schools merged which didnt please parents.

Anyway Sphil - sorry you are worrying but glad that Ds1 is settling in well. Its only his first week. I would have difficulty remembering peoples names if I had to meet and mix with lots of new people in a week.
Singersgirl and Bink - please keep posting. It SO good to hear positive stories of slightly older children. it gives the rest of us hope

Absolutely - I agree. I love hearing about all the other dreamers. What lovely comments Singersgirl - DS's teachers sound great! It's a salutary reminder to me to focus on the positive - DS1's teacher used to rave about his imagination, kindness and curiosity (in between the puzzled head shaking) and even his new teacher says he's 'doing brilliantly' but I have a real tendency to obsess about the oddities.

I had a little spy on DS yesterday in the classroom when the teacher was reading a story at the end of the day and asking questions. His hand kept shooting up and I even saw him answer a question. My heart nearly burst with pride. It's little things like this and stories from those who are 'further down the line' that give me so much hope for the future, so please keep posting!

Castles . When DS1 puts his hand up it never goes further than his ear - he says it's 'tiring' to put it all the way up

Hi guys, long term no see...

Had a chat with ds's teacher yesterday afternoon. She told me his behaviour in class is now pretty good, he no longer tries to act the class clown. However (bugger, I knew there was a downside) he is very day-dreamy. She will tell him something, and he has this vacant look on his face.

How do I get him to 'wake up' and look interested at school. He is in Y3 and school is starting to get serious now, he is in the bottom set for numeracy and literacy, mainly due to not paying attention.

Sigh...

We've had this problem from time to time - I've tried talking to DS1 about times when it's OK to day dream and times when it's not. He seems aware he's doing it, so this helps.

You really need Bink! I remember she had some great advice about this on another thread a while ago. Something about a black towel? Sorry if I've got this wrong Bink!

That sound's very interesting Sphil, I'd like to hear about the black towel. Bink, where are you?!!!

DS told me he had a sleep at school yesterday. He went into great detail about how a girl covered him with a blanket and all the other children came running in from playtime and one boy said "wakey wakey DS!". Asked his teacher this morning and she said he'd told her he was tired! I find this quite sweet given a year ago he'd never have told me about anything, true or not, but is this kind a thing common amongst dreamers? Just curious really.

Oh, would love to hear from Bink and the black towel (sounds interesting). I am relieved that ds's other behavious such as disruptiveness, chatting during lessons etc seem to have stopped but he still is not getting any work done.
He just dreams, instead of getting on with work. As a result, he never finishes a piece of work.

Calling Bink, come in Bink!

hello: well, here is a link to the thread

It's not really that exciting as an idea, though! It was just an example of a way to (a) show ds, as an experience, not via words (because he gets a point much better when he lives it than when he's just told about it - like everybody does!) how day-dreaming can make things difficult for yourself; and (b) give him an sense of being in control: a sort of visualisation thing.

I imagine there are lots of other ways you could get the same message across - and if your child is anything like mine, what works has to be closely tailored to what he is most interested in. Ds is very visual - hence using the darkness idea.

I think what triggers the daydreams - if you can identify that - is relevant too. I am quite sure that what sends ds off is getting "stuck" in a process - starting a sentence and then not being able to match up what you want to say with how you've begun - does that make sense? So at the moment we're doing lots of practice at planning ahead, spotting obstacles, sorting them before they jump up at you. (Working through his piano sight-reading pieces is good for this. We also do flowchart drawings together, for all sorts of things.)

Thanks for that Bink, it really does make sense. It would definately be the best way to get the point across to DS, he is not into talk, he likes to visualise.

He is having a friend to play atm, but will give him the black towel demo tomorrow after school if his teacher again tells me he has been away with the fairies...

As for what triggers daydreams - with DS it is the thought of starting a piece of work. Once he is doing it he is fine. But he procrastinates something rotten, walking around the classroom finding pencil sharpener, eraser, helping a friend, basically anything to put off sitting down and getting on with it. Then when he finally sits down (after repeated teacher nagging) he will look at his sheet, write his name, look out of the window, and starts daydreaming.

I'd never thought of this before, but I'm pretty sure that getting stuck in a process is what triggers DS1's daydreams. Today in the car was a perfect example - I asked him a question, he started answering, then drifted off half way through the sentence and started staring out of the window. I prompted him, he didn't reply. I prompted him again and he
shouted 'I don't know what you mean, OK? ' in a very belligerent voice. I'm sure he did know (it was a very straightforward question, can't remember what it was) but had 'got stuck' answering.

Thanks Bink - it was great to re-read that thread
If anyone notices mimsie on another thread, do point her on our direction.

Proud mummy moment coming up... - in ds's home school book today there was a note from the teacher

"Son of indignatio was quicker with his writing today"

Only you lot will understand why this makes me so proud

Another quick question for you all - are your dreamers slow eaters ?

DS1 is generally a painfully slow eater, except in the morning when he needs to mainline Readybrek before he becomes vaguely human. He is not good with chewy stuff, like chops.

Not slow but very very messy.

Yes slow unless he's really hungry and it's something he really likes. A bit like everything else really ...

Messy, but not slow.

Not specially slow (though, again, he's older, so maybe he's speeded up?), nor particularly messy in general - but one I thing that is a perennial and I am sure is relevant is that (though he uses a knife and fork fine) if he hasn't actually got a knife/fork in one hand the fingers of that empty hand will sort of unconsciously compulsively get involved, poking food, helping stuff on to fork etc.

If I say Fingers! to him he jumps - as if completely unaware that the rogue fingers were getting in on the act again.

He also has an icky habit of rubbing those (of course sticky) rogue fingertips down the front of his shirt - again an automatic unconscious gesture.

I think both of these things are sensory-related.

He doesn't though have oral sensory issues at all - can't think of any problems with flavours, lumps, & so on. I guess the bits of your system that are sensorily out of kilter will vary from person to person.

Not slow to eat, a bit messy although its hard to know whats normal as Dt1 is like his Dad, ie Mr Pristine. Dt2 loves his grub, no problems in concentrating when discussing food. In fact a while ago when I was looking at the boys exhibits in school , DT2 had 2 drawings on the wall , unheard of , however the topic was food so no surprise really!

Indignatio - great to hear of Ds' progress in writing.Keep it up son of indignatio.
I tried the egg timer recently but Dt2 is not impressed. However it does seem to keep him a bit more focussed.

I received an appointment with the paed for 9th may. This is because the teacher said he could do with some speech and occ therapy to help with his listening skills and interaction with his environment. Am dreading it already